10: Swamp Rabbits, Grants, and Graduations, OH MY!

So, after a kidney of fire, another 5.8 A1c, COVID-19, ER visits, and a lot of stress, it was time to simmer down some in the early months of 2023. 

Honestly, I had been to the ER as many times in the past 8 months as I had the previous 8 years, and 2023 had only just begun. February 1, 2023, was when I found out everything was okay with my kidney, and I didn't have to return for a year for a simple follow-up visit in February 2024.

Knowing everything is back to "normal " is a relief, reducing anxiety greatly. But this February was a bit different than in 2022. I didn't have the dissertation lording over me night and day as the clock ticked down on my time in the PhD program. Instead, all I had to look forward to were celebrations!

Amid those celebrations, which were peaks, also came valleys. For everything that was positive that happened during the rest of the winter and into the spring, something negative would accompany it close behind, and sometimes it would be in reverse. For instance, after finding out my kidney was okay, I discovered I could no longer do social media for the School of Nursing. Another thing that happened was finding out the car we bought six months earlier needed major mechanical issues that I couldn't afford then. That led to us having to make financial changes where we traded in all of our cars and got newer ones to replace them. We did get pretty good deals.

This trend of positives with negatives, or negatives preceding positives, kept happening all throughout the rest of the year and into summer. I earned my first grant but got the next one rejected. I got abstracts accepted for presentations, only to find out I couldn't attend. I had articles rejected for publication, only to have others accepted. We got a new puppy, Mando (short for Mandalorian, our new Chocolate Lab), only to have our daughter Abby playing with him one day as she ran and broke her toe during the interaction. The list goes on and on.

None of these things were life-altering, but they created stress. All these interactions reminded me of a time as a child that epitomized stressful ups and downs. One day in particular, a man came to my parent's shop to try and sell pot holders.

I was probably nine years old when this occurred. I was at my parent's shop, Innervisions, playing there that afternoon after being dropped off by Niney on her way to play Bingo. This was pretty much a tradition for many years as Niney went out with her friends to enjoy the evening sometimes. Nothing significant happened that day except me milling around the business, playing with toys, or doing homework like I typically did. Until this man walked into the shop.

When I saw him, I immediately knew he was different. He had some form of developmental issue, kind of like Down Syndrome. But what I could tell of him, he seemed nice. I could just tell by his eyes and the shape of his face something was different. I remember he saw me on the stairs, and I said hello to him. He said hello back and then proceeded into other parts of the shop. So, I followed him. I watched how he interacted with everyone as he approached them. Immediately, I realized he was trying to sell pot holders. He held them up for someone working in the shop to look at, sometimes even showing them to customers. The first people he asked were nice but politely declined. He moved on to the next people and had the same result. I followed him into another part of the shop, and he asked some more workers, to which they all replied very nicely they did not want to purchase any pot holders.

I remember going to the stairs in the front and watching him go across the foyer into another room to ask, and I thought, Can't someone buy a pot holder from him? He was so nice, and I felt bad for him because no one would buy one. Not one customer or worker at the shop would buy one. I also believed he might need the money because of how he looked. Maybe even for doctor's bills. I saw him leave the room he went in, once again rejected. I was deflated.

He started going up the stairs towards where my parents were working. I thought, My parents will buy one from him, I just know it. He proceeded into their room, and then I heard my parents decline to purchase a pot holder. When I saw him departing the building, I could barely hold in my agony for him. As he opened the door to exit and it closed behind him, I went to pieces.

I went downstairs to the back kitchen area and sat at the table, completely depressed and crying. Eventually, my mom and some other workers at the shop walked in and saw me sitting there crying. My mom immediately asked what was wrong. All I could say was, "I just wanted someone to buy a pot holder from that man." Instantly, everyone in earshot let out a collective AWWWWWW.

I didn't know who that man was or what his life was about, I just cared for him, and the positives in that moment were that everyone was very nice to him, but the negatives were that no one would help him. All I wanted was for someone to help him, just one.

All I wanted in the springtime was for just one thing to be positive, only positive, and cling to it. I thought if I could have that only positive thing, it might reduce my stress and help me stay focused on what I needed to do with my diet. After all, I needed to do well with my eating habits leading up to May 23rd, especially since the end of February. One positive occurring that was only positive was running the Swamp Rabbit 5K for the first time. I loved this course. Running on the trail and then through downtown Greenville was so fun. My time wasn't as good as the Electric City Gobbler back in November, but I was very satisfied, considering what I had been through with the kidney stone. 

The next thing that was positive was working on my very first grant. I was awarded the grant in March 2023 and spent the months that followed working with my research team to set up the experience for the study. It filled me with great joy to have that experience and everything that has come since with the study.

The last thing before the next A1c check that happened that was positive was my graduation. Finally, celebrating this monumental achievement in my life at commencement was the greatest positive thing that could have happened. It certainly made up for all the pot holders that weren't purchased. I remember my parents and their coworkers all saying they would definitely buy a pot holder from that man if he ever returned. Fortunately, he did come back; sure enough, people were buying pot holders left and right that day. That was a big positive for me as a kid too. 

All I've ever wanted to do is help people, and help them feel better, even as a child. These three moments epitomized the positivity I needed leading up to the next A1c check, helping me stay focused on what I needed to do to help myself, while being able to help others. But at graduation, something divine happened that really made it clear how positive and important this moment truly was for me, my family, and even my classmate. 

Tune in next time for 10: Divine Commencement.