That's a stark contrast to what the world tells you every day. You spend much time believing what you do will completely change things. When you work with and through Jesus, you can accomplish things, but none gives you status. That's the message you typically see in our world today. What will elevate me?
Through most of the month of August, I believed I could overcome the concerns I had from Afib. During this time, my blood sugars had no issues too. The highest my sugars got during the month of August was 105 but mostly resided in the 80's to 90's consistently. So, sugar control was not a huge concern during this time, and I was moving towards my next A1c check in November 2023. The Afib also seemed to be under control.
Since July 14, nearly a month and a half later on August 24, for my follow-up, no Afib occurred. I was back walking like I had before and doing well. I was feeling good and thought I was beyond this. But I was ignoring some facets going on. For one, even though the monitor showed no Afib, it showed other instances of my heart doing odd things. These odd things were not detrimental but were a cause for concern to the providers. There was also my mental state. Although I was doing good, deep down, I was still very apprehensive about a recurrence of Afib. It permeated my thoughts in unexpected ways.
I was constantly putting on an O2 Sat probe to monitor my heart rate and my oxygen levels. If I wasn't doing that, I was always checking my pulse. I was obsessed. I was checking my blood pressure every so often, which all were good, in the 130s/80s or 120s/70s sometimes, so I wasn't obsessing about that vital sign. But I was obsessing. Although I knew Jesus could help me, I was focusing more on what I could do during this time.
I had it all worked out. I would go on August 24th for the follow-up, and they would say no Afib occurred, which I was correct about. But then I thought they'd take me off this Cardizen and Eliquis, and everything would return to normal. I won't need that loop monitor and'll be completely fine.
That was the part where I messed up. I knew I had even as I walked into the doctor's office that day. I could feel a sense of dread.
The doctor came in and was very positive that Afib had not reoccurred when I had the monitor, but he was concerned about that other moment with the heart. He felt it was necessary I remain on the meds and have an Echocardiogram by the beginning of the next year. But he also suggested something I really did not want. It felt it would be good for me to have a loop monitor.
Now, for those who don't know, a loop monitor is a small device inserted under the skin, a little into the chest muscle below, directly over the heart. This monitor keeps track of everything your heart does 24 hours a day. Inserting the loop monitor is considered a small surgical procedure, so this would be the first surgery I've ever had in my life if I chose to do it. The doctor suggested some dates for the insertion, but I became instantly apprehensive.
I was hesitant and told him I needed to think about it. That was my ego.
I wanted to believe everything was fine and COVID was solely the reason for my issues. Once COVID was gone, the Afib would be gone. But that isn't how things work. There could have been an underlying reason for COVID causing the Afib if that is what happened. It could simply have been COVID triggered something unexpectedly. Certainly, COVID has caused Afib for some in the past. But it was prudent to assess further what might be happening with my heart. For one, the doctor shared with me that my Ejection Fraction (EF) had diminished in July to 50-55%, which is low normal. My EF was 66% the previous year, and I had a fully healthy heart. Most likely, the COVID-triggering Afib is the reason the heart EF reduced; over time, it would probably go back up. But, the doctor wanted to be sure and doing something as simple as a loop monitor could help keep tabs on things.
But again, that wasn't what I wanted to hear. It stressed me out greatly. I didn't understand why I hadn't known how high my EF had been the previous year. Had I known that at the time when the Afib happened, I probably would have been freaked out by what occurred. However, this revelation was still staggering to take because now I knew COVID had done something serious.
That made my mental state that much more apprehensive. On top of all of that, the semester has just begun. That meant all the additional stress of work would pile on to me when I was already stressed. I wasn't in a good place, and this new information only made matters worse.
I was climbing that ladder to the top, believing I had made it happen alone. Yes, I prayed to Jesus, and he answered, but he wasn't answering the way I wanted. I let that affect me and control me. It's no surprise that after this day, other issues arose. From there, it made for a September I would like to forget, despite any good.
Tune in next time for 10: Wake Me Up When September Ends, Part 1.
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