10: Wake Me Up When September Ends, Part 1

When you think of songs about September, one in particular comes to mind by Green Day. "Wake me up when September Ends."

The song was written to reflect Billie Joe Armstrong's grief over the loss of his father when he was a boy and the memory of it that came with the month of September. Certainly, this is a very good reason to want to bypass an entire month, as many other people can relate to.

I had my own problems to deal with in September 2023 that made me want to bypass the month altogether.

Coming into the month, my stress and anxiety had become heightened. I was worrying a lot about the loop monitor. I really did not want to do it. Having a device implanted into my chest for the next 2-3 years was very disconcerting to me. I was convincing myself that I didn't need it. But the problem was my anxiety continued to rise.

The biggest cause of my anxiety was worrying about Afib. It never left my mind during this time. Being told, I would need a loop monitor let me know that Afib would never leave my mind. It took control of everything, even though I sometimes tried not to think about it. It was really impossible not to think about Afib for me.

By this point, on September 3rd, I had no presence of Afib since July 14. I was feeling good and just about back to doing things I had before the Afib. I still wasn't running; frankly, I didn't know how much I wanted to run anymore. My knees felt the best they had in months since I had stopped running after the last 5K, and I was so happy that I didn't want to run again. Walking worked fine for me and was something I could do even if Afib was in the back of my mind.

September 4, Labor Day.

On the morning of Labor Day, the first time I was officially off at Clemson, my wife and I decided to walk in my parent's neighborhood. Because everyone was off that Monday, we decided to stay with my parents and enjoy a long weekend together. We walked slightly longer than planned, but I felt great that morning. Then, my heart did something funny. It wasn't funny, mind you, it startled me. It felt like it fluttered a bit, just a few seconds. Everything seemed fine, but then I was thinking about it. I kept looking down at my watch, watching my heart rate. Then, suddenly, my watch went from the 110s to 120s, 130s, 140s, and 161 for my heart rate. I told Leslie I needed to sit down. So, we stopped, and I sat down, resting. My heart rate dropped closer to 100, but I still bounced around a bit. I told Leslie to call my parents to see if they could pick us up. Of course, my mom was more than willing to oblige. Keep in mind, I walked 84 minutes briskly for nearly 5 miles two days earlier. So, the distance and time were not a factor.

By the time my mom got there, I was standing up. When I did, my heart rate started shooting up rapidly. I began freaking out and could feel my hands going numb, and my face around my ears was numb. I said to Leslie, "Am I having a heart attack?" With that, I lay down on the sidewalk and tried to breathe. I wasn't hyperventilating, but I was trying to figure out how to calm myself down. 

My mother came over to check on me, as Leslie called 9-1-1 to get an ambulance there. I was lying there on the ground, staring up at them, unsure of what was happening to me. My mom put her hand on my chest and stood over me as I looked back up at her and asked, "Am I dying, Mom?"

Now, there are some assessment skills that kicked in at this moment after I asked my mother that question. So, you'll read my perspective and my mom's. One thing that entered my mind was the fact I had no pain. There was no chest pain. I wasn't short of breath because of my heart, and I wasn't even short. The numbness that had occurred was not associated with typical heart-related concerns. I could even feel, as I lay there, that my heart was beginning to settle down. Eventually, the numbness around my face and my hands subsided. When the ambulance personnel arrived, I felt like everything had been resolved. But, of course, we still took me on to the ER to be evaluated. What I had realized was that I had a panic attack. Panic attacks can feel like a heart attack, sometimes, at least some of the symptoms, but this was a full-blown panic attack for me.

From my mom's perspective, she was very worried about her son. She stood over me with her hand on my chest while Leslie leaned into her, crying and hoping I would be okay after calling the ambulance. But as she stood over me, my mom prayed and asked Jesus to help me. During that time, something told her that I would be okay. This realization kept her calm and at peace with what was happening to me. She and Leslie followed me to the hospital as I rode again to a hospital. 

When I got into a room in the ER, I felt embarrassed about being there. My mom told me to stop that and that it was a good idea to be checked out with what had just happened. But I knew what had happened. When my heart "jumped" or fluttered, it scared me, and my anxiety increased. That, in turn, will make your heart rate increase. These issues were confirmed by the ER provider when they suggested that Afib was possibly trying to start back up but then reversed, possibly from the meds I take, and then my anxiety caused my heart rate to go up even more. My EKG showed no issues. My bloodwork showed no concerns. Since my heart rate was back to normal and no signs of any real concerns, they released me from the ER.

But during my time in the ER, my mom did talk to me about the loop monitor. She told me that she had heard from several people who had a loop monitor themselves about how beneficial the monitor could be. For one, it gives you peace of mind that someone else may be watching what your heart is doing. Having the monitor releases you from being the only one concerned with what your heart is doing. I understood what my mom was trying to tell me. Hearing how others felt that had one also helped.

It was that day I decided to have the loop monitor inserted. But from that day, leading up to getting the monitor, it had its own concerns and anxiety that accompanied it.

Tune in next time for 10: Wake Me Up When September Ends, Part 2.