10: Reality

 On April 6, 2021, I had an appointment with a provider about the A1c of 10.

Even though the numbers were clear, I was still in denial. There's no way that number is right. I'm only 44. I shouldn't be diabetic.

Part of me thought, maybe they'll do the test again. Yeah, they can do another test and compare to see if this is truly accurate, like blood pressure. That's not how A1c results work, though. Diagnosing someone with a condition like hypertension requires multiple blood pressure readings over numerous months to conclude the condition is present. With an A1c result, however, one reading is needed. Again, it accurately indicates how well your body makes insulin and processed sugars.

So, as I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity in the minutes I was there, I began thinking about any outward indications of possibly being diabetic. Before this visit, I contacted the provider to ask them about the reading. They gave me a laundry list of symptoms that could manifest with an A1c of level 10. They asked me about urinating a lot or polyuria. They asked if I had experienced weight loss. They asked if I had been fatigued.

The answer was yes to all of these, and they can be indicators of excessive sugar in my system.

I experienced polyuria around the month of November. I went to the bathroom a lot to urinate, sometimes 3 times during the night as I tried to sleep. I did this so much that I went to a clinic to get checked for a urinary tract infection (UTI). Because another symptom I was experiencing during the bouts of urination was fatigue. These two signs can be associated with a UTI, sometimes, so I assumed maybe I had acquired something. At that time, in the midst of the pandemic in late 2020, I would much rather have a UTI than COVID. However, when the results of the culture came back, there were no bacteria. The provider then prescribed an antibiotic for me, but nothing was present that would cause a UTI. The antibiotic was precautionary but clearly unneeded under the circumstances. So, I was confused. I was still going to the bathroom a lot and feeling tired. I wasn't connecting the dots yet. This was red flag number one.

Then came the weight loss.

Christmas is a time of year filled with lots of good things. One of those big things at Christmas is food. Most people do eat more during the holidays than at any other time of year. I was no different, even in December 2020. Again, COVID certainly changed things that year. There were no parties, except with close family. I spent a lot more time at home, and thus I thought I wasn't eating as much, but that wasn't true. Despite the lockdown holidays, I was still eating well, and my body did something I hadn't expected. I lost weight through the season. I weighed 5 pounds lighter at the end of December than I had at the beginning, right after Thanksgiving. I went from 240 lbs to 235 lbs. Honestly, losing weight through Christmas had never occurred before in my life. This was red flag number 2.

Thinking about those 3 things as I sat in the waiting room was troubling enough and should have been an obvious indication of sugar issues. I still thought about other things that could have been considered symptoms as well. 

The next thing that came to mind was my attitude during the past 6 months leading up to April 6. I was not happy about things, but more so than usual. Much of that concern over attitude I chalked up to my dissertation. As I mentioned, it was a stressful time working through that process. It didn't warrant the attitude I was showing sometimes, however. I would get angry, aggressively angry about things. Now, anyone else knows there were many factors that could have precipitated aggressive anger in anyone from November 2020-April 2021. The state of the world was ridiculous at that time. Politics alone were enough to drive someone insane. Whether you were for Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Republicans, or Democrats, it didn't matter. The behavior being displayed was abhorrent, not only by them but anyone else with a social media account. January 6, 2021, was particularly trying for all Americans. Watching colleagues and friends say whatever they wanted on social media, criticizing COVID efforts such as the vaccine or guidelines, particularly coming from those in healthcare, was enough to enrage anyone. Looking back on it now, how bad things got during that 6 months was truly remarkable. 

So, without question, my stress levels were much higher than usual due to a myriad of internal and external factors. Decisions were still mine, though. I didn't have to let anything external affect me; in reality, it didn't. My heightened sense of anger and irritability was not due to those factors but to my body attempting to understand how to adapt to my internal problems. Once in February 2021, I had an episode where my smart watch alerted me to an issue I was having. While sitting there working, my heart rate shot up over 130 beats per minute. I wasn't doing anything but sitting there working on the computer, and suddenly this was recorded on the watch. However, one other thing did take place as I sat there, extreme anger. I was incredibly upset by something at work, and for whatever reason, my watch detected a massive change in my heart rate. That had never happened before. Then it happened again. This time I was angry at home, again in front of the computer working and the watch recorded the same thing again. My heart rate elevated well above 130 beats per minute. The watch had never sent an alert like this before. I have owned the watch since August 2018, so it wasn't new. The watch was simply responding to whatever my body was doing.

My body was screaming for help!

The issues of fatigue, polyuria, weight loss, and elevated heart rate can all be indicators of excessive sugar in the body. One of the issues that cause this is acidosis. Specifically keto-acidosis. I had not tested my urine for the presence of ketones, but I imagine I would have had some. I was spilling ketones because my body was trying to produce energy in any way it could. Once my sugars stopped being processed correctly, my body was essentially starving. Whatever you eat is meant to nurture the body and allow it to function adequately. It's like having old oil in your car. Once it's past the time for an oil change, the lubrication doesn't work either, and thus the car's parts will not operate correctly if not fixed immediately. The same thing happens with the body. Sugar is the oil that is needed to fuel all your necessary parts. When that sugar stays in the blood rather than going to vital organs, adverse effects take place.

The fatigue was brought on by a lack of sugar to help nourish the body effectively. I was tired a lot and complained about it more than I ever had before. So, to help the fatigue, the body started using the only other resource available to provide energy-muscle and fat. Ketones result from the breakdown of fat so the body can use it for energy. This was a point made in the old Adkin's Diets of the past, and possibly keto diets today, as the expectation was to have ketones show up in the urine when doing this type of diet. That means fat is being burned, and thus you will lose weight. Now, we all burn fat at times, so its nothing to be overly alarmed about, and a brief time of ketones being in your urine may not be detrimental since many people have tried these types of diets. Prolonged concerns where noticeable changes take place, however, are a concern. Particularly if you are not meaning to do them. For 6 months, I had been losing weight without trying. Because of the lack of sugars to help my body function, my muscles, and fat were being used, thus leading to wasting. I was losing weight because I was losing muscle mass and fat very quickly, which was not good.

Fatigue, losing weight, the next was polyuria, which was brought on by the body trying to remove as much excess sugar as possible. The sugar had to go somewhere, so my kidneys were working overtime to try and get rid of it. I remember when I had all that excessive urination, I honestly thought something was wrong with my prostate at first. I remembered those signs and symptoms but wasn't paying attention to something I was at much higher risk for. As I mentioned, my grandmother Niney had been diabetic. That put me at increased risk of having diabetes later. I didn't think at 44 years old I would have it, however. That's, unfortunately, how it worked out.

The final piece was the irritability and anger. Well, if you aren't getting enough nutrients in your diet, that's pretty clear where the cause is coming from. Being hangry is real. When you're starving, think about how you have felt. When anyone dares to come between you and a plate of food when you're starving, they risk their life. All joking aside, I was starving all the time and didn't know it. My irritability and anger were through the roof, sometimes compounded by external factors, but mostly due to my body not properly working and processing sugars.

It all added up. I was diabetic.

They called my name at the provider's office, and I went back to see my verdict. There was no discussion about the results being faulty. That was just my own wishful thinking. The discussion centered around what I needed to do now that I had uncontrolled diabetes. To hear all of this from a professional was a lot to take. I started breaking down some in front of them. Tears were welling up, and I was scared to death. I told them all I could think about was how this disease had killed my grandmother many years ago. I didn't want to lose my legs. I didn't want to die far younger than she ever had been. 

The provider handed me a tissue and tried to help me see another way. That's when they said, "If you can be someone living with diabetes, then maybe that can mean you can become someone living without diabetes."

Now, I want to be clear, diabetes is not something that comes and goes. Sugar issues are not that easily corrected. It takes a lot of work and faith to believe you can reverse the effects of the symptoms present. But the risk of diabetes will always remain. My provider was trying to help me see that if you work to better your body and take care of yourself, you can feel 100% better than you do now. They told me I would feel much better when I began altering my diet and exercise. Additionally, I would have to start taking Glucophage (Metformin). The Glucophage would help my pancreas regulate things better with insulin production and the processing of sugar. They believed I could make great strides following a regimen to reduce my A1c from the terrifying 10 to an expected level.

Despite their positivity, I thought, can I do this? Can I really? 

Something told me, "Yes, you can." That voice was always inside, spurring me on through anything, thick and thin. It was there again. It had been there in dreams and was there each and every day since, helping to guide me toward a better outcome. But that's a story for another day...

10

 "Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?"

I replied right away, "No."

"Well, guess what?"

Some conversations are more memorable than others in our lives. Memorable phrases and conversations have both positive and negative things associated with them. That's what makes you remember them. This conversation was different.

The month of March has always been a special one for me. One big reason March is special, it's my birth month. Most people regard their birth month as a special time of year, right up there with holidays like Christmas or Halloween, to name a few. March has also been special to me because it ushers in the season of spring. Spring is a time of new beginnings, sometimes associated with rebirth or renewal. But March 2021 had a different feel than any that came before it or even since.

For me, March 2021 started rough. First, my favorite truck I ever owned and had the longest of my life had issues and stranded me on the side of the road. The fuel pump on Great White, as I called it, died, and $1000 later, it was back in action. My pockets were slightly emptier, but this issue was minor compared to what would come that month. To compare it to something, I suggest the film Apollo 13. When one of their engines failed near the beginning of their mission, the astronauts believed they had encountered their glitch for that trip. They were wrong, and so was I about March 2021.

Next came a more significant concern, my dissertation in the Ph.D. program I was enrolled in. I had been working diligently for 3 years, trying to get my dissertation in the right place to allow me to progress toward completion. I found out, entering that month, that my efforts needed more. After some discussions with my committee, I was going nowhere fast. I was so angry after that meeting, and because of the interaction that day, I had all but decided to quit the Ph.D. program. So much so I had already begun discussing with a colleague about other options for my career. And it was only March 3, 2021.

The Ph.D. concerns waged on throughout March 2021 as I decided my future, and to me, that was the equivalent of the disaster the Apollo 13 crew encountered. I believed my time in the Ph.D. program was over, and now I had to limp back home as best I could. The month of March could have looked better at this point. I had two meetings with educators and leadership at school to discuss my future in the Ph.D. program, neither of which truly helped to resolve anything. It was more indecisiveness and uncertainty from both directions. Ultimately the decision would be mine, and I would need time to make it.

Compound all of these issues with living in a world of COVID. Covid-19 was still quite prominent one year after the outbreak of the pandemic. I became used to living at home a lot more over that year. But, for the first time since the fall of 2019, my family and I decided to venture out on a short vacation to unwind and relax. It was still a stressful vacation that March. So much uncertainty about being around a large group of people in an enclosed space. I was nervous, but I tried to make the most of it. My family and I lived it up, indulging in our short trip with delightful treats from various restaurants and food bars. I ate like a pig that weekend, but it filled me with joy. I had my sweet tea in hand at every meal. I made vast helpings of yogurt with whipped cream, chocolate chips, and fudge piled on. It was so good.

When we came home, still in March 2021, my wife weighed and told me she had gained 5 pounds during the trip. Obviously, we ate well that weekend. The stimulus helped a lot of people eat well that month. So, I decided to see how much I had gained. If my tiny wife packed on 5 pounds, how much did I gain with my overindulgence? Maybe 10 pounds? I hope not 15 pounds. But that was the thing. I didn't feel any heavier than before I left. I didn't feel heavier at all. When I went to weigh, the scales said the same thing I weighed before leaving. No change. Exactly the same numbers.

Before the trip, I had noticed that my clothes were starting to fit looser. They had been doing so for several weeks now. The interesting thing is that I wasn't trying to lose weight. I was still indulging in everything I loved up to that point, but my weight went down. Now, occasionally I would think I don't need to eat something to "get back in shape," but I wasn't trying hard. My exercise routine had suffered for years during school. You sit a lot writing a dissertation, so that's not surprising. I was not doing anything to help my weight decrease, and yet it was going down.

That's when I knew something was wrong.

At that time, the hospital I worked at did annual check-ups on staff during their birthday month. Before that year, I had not done one of the checks since 2018. I hadn't done a check because I no longer worked there full-time. It was required for full-time staff then, but not part-time, so I didn't. However, I am over 40 now. I should have been going for a check-up. Because of this weight, I decided to go and do the annual check-up.

When I went, my blood pressure was acceptable. Of course, my weight seemed great because it was down over the past year. In March 2020, I weighed myself right as the pandemic began to see where I was before lockdowns confined me to my home. I weighed 249.8 lbs that day. On March 30, 2021, I weighed 232 lbs. So, my weight was down from the previous year by a lot. 17 lbs, to be exact. That seemed terrific, but deep down, I thought, why is it going down? It shouldn't be.

The nurse inside me knew my body wasn't right, and I denied it with ego defense mechanisms. Outright denial, there's no problem. Maybe my body has adapted to a new way of dealing with things? Rationalization, I'm not eating as much as I think I am because the pandemic changed my habits. Everything you could think of went through my mind to make me feel something else was happening than the truth I actually knew. Something is wrong with my body, and I must know what it is.

MARCH 31, 2021

It was a rainy, cold day, even in late March. I was lying in bed, knowing I had work to do but I didn't feel like getting up. Then my phone started ringing. I could see on the screen that it was the hospital where I had been for the check-up. They never call you unless something is a concern. In the age of electronic health records, you can look up your labs and results on your own time most often, negating the need for a phone call. I knew of only one other time anyone had ever called me about concerns with a check-up before when I had liver enzyme issues in 2006. My provider then chalked those issues up to obesity. Yeah, there's a word you love to hear at 29 years old, weighing 229 lbs. But that's what that provider used to describe my situation then, and they were right to do so.

I knew a phone call was terrible. They left a message, and I decided to call them back. As I called back, I looked up my labs online. My cholesterol was up, so I thought that maybe that was it. Is that what they are calling about? I knew better, though. A cholesterol level of over 200 was concerning but may not have warranted a phone call. That's when I looked at my Hgb A1c.

Hemoglobin A1c measures the amount of glucose in your blood over 3 months. It's a solid indicator of how well your body is processing sugar and whether or not concerns can arise associated with diabetes. An average person's A1c should reside at 5.6 or lower, indicating their pancreas is working well, insulin production is stable, and sugar is being processed accordingly. Some labs may vary on the 5.6 limits, with some suggesting that the level is pre-diabetic, but most articles and platforms I have seen suggest 5.6 or lower as an expected or standard value. Pre-diabetic levels are 5.7 to 6.4, indicating concerns that insulin production has been affected and sugars are not being processed in the body as well as they could. When A1c levels are 6.5 or higher, concerns the individual is now diabetic arise. Medical management of diabetes typically begins in the pre-diabetic range. Still, once you hit 6.5, management has to be in place as the body is not processing sugars well, and the person begins living with controlled diabetes.

That day, March 31, 2021, the result online for my Hgb A1c was 10.

I couldn't believe my eyes. The person on the phone said that 10 indicates uncontrolled diabetes. After that statement from the caller, I tuned out completely. The rain started coming down harder outside. I stared at the screen, not hearing anything and only responding with half-hearted answers. When the call ended, I laid the phone down and continued staring at the screen.

What have I done?

That thought kept going through my mind over and over. If you compared this moment to something, for me, this was like dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. I was so stunned that I didn't even care that it was pouring down rain, so I decided to go for a walk around the block. I was drenched when I came back home. As I was walking, only one thing came to mind...Niney.

Niney was my grandmother who died due to complications from uncontrolled diabetes. I had a front-row seat to her demise as I grew up with her living in my immediate family with my parents and me. Several times in my teen years and early twenties, I took her to doctors, to the hospital, and even spent the night after some of her surgeries. I saw her body deteriorate with time. Diabetes ate her from the inside over the final 7 years of her life.

I still remember the first time I saw how bad diabetes can get. Niney once came to my room where I was alone watching television and said, "Jason, does this look ok?"

I looked down at the foot that she was pointing to. On her foot was a piece of her toe dangling to the side, hanging from a sliver of skin still attached. Her little toe had a callus on it, and that callus had apparently broken loose. I could see down into her little toe with the hole left behind. After looking at that, I looked back up at her. Even at 14 and not being a nurse yet, I knew that wasn't right. Having a hole appear in your toe is not normal. She saw the look on my face, and all she said after that was, "Don't tell your mom and dad."

I could see the fear in her eyes. She knew her body was starting to deteriorate. On March 31, 2021, I was face-to-face wondering, Is this the beginning of my body declining?

I was losing weight without trying. My A1c was 10. I was on the verge of quitting the Ph.D. program. March 2021 seemed like the worst month of my life. This moment was definitely rock bottom. Was the end of this month marking the beginning of the end for me?

As I kneeled on the road that day during my walk in the rain and prayed to God to help me, the end was only the beginning. 

This post is only the beginning of the journey I want to share with you, describing the pitfalls and the possibilities of working through things that happen in life that we don't always understand, but have to learn from to help ourselves grow in faith, hope, and love. I hope you'll join each month as I add new details to this story and share my journey living with diabetes. Because as my provider once said to me, if you can be someone living with diabetes, then that can mean you may eventually be someone living without diabetes.

What's in a Name?

 "I have a few questions."

Rick said this while sitting down, having coffee with the man identifying as Jim. Rick senior was nearby, exploring aspects of the Beatles Statue.

"Shoot," replied Jim.

"You're not the James Cameron."

"No. I'm not James Cameron."

"But you go by Jim. You're using his name and somehow taking credit for his movies?"

"Oh no, I didn't take credit for anything. I did make the movie Titanic."

Rick was perplexed. "How? Wouldn't the real James Cameron have some issue with that?"

"He would if he existed."

Rick looked back wide-eyed at Jim.

"James Cameron doesn't exist in this reality," Jim said. "There are a number of things different here from the reality you and I know. He is just one of them."

Rick couldn't believe it, "James Cameron doesn't exist."

"That's right. So, no Terminator. No Aliens. No Abyss. Definitely no Avatar or Titanic. They never existed."

Rick sat there looking down, shaking his head.

"This is the strangest thing I have ever seen. I went to bed with the world around me last night as it has always been. Then this morning, I woke up..."

Jim interrupts Rick, "To unusual pain and a completely different reality."

Rick pondered that last statement by Jim. He looked around the harbor, glancing at the Titanic and looking back around the city. Although places seemed the same, there was something different beyond the ship. He could feel it in the air. He could taste it in the coffee. This wasn't the United Kingdom he had been living in before today. He looked back to Jim and had to ask the next pertinent question.

"So, how did you get here?"

Jim leaned back in his chair and took in a deep breath. After he cleared his breath, he looked away from Rick and began to speak, "I woke up to an alternate reality in 2023. I remember everything about the day before, like you. The smells. The air. What everything looked like. I was in New York City. When I woke up the next day, my back was absolutely killing me. It felt like someone had stabbed me multiple times in my lower back. My head hurt. I just felt horrible. Then, when I started my day, the pain began to subside, and I was fine. So, I went about my day like I normally would. Everything seemed exactly the same as I made my rounds through town. Making my deliveries. That's when I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"The Twin Towers."

"The World Trade Center Twin Towers?"

"Those are the ones."

"They were still standing?"

"Yes. Apparently, the attack on September 11 never happened. It was the only change I saw otherwise, but a pretty significant one, to say the least. I had grown up with those towers gone. The Freedom Tower stood as the lone World Trade Center tower.  So, that was the first clue that something very odd had happened to me. I went back home and looked up as much as possible on the internet. Nothing, not one trace of the attacks, was found. I don't know how or why. I was too scared to leave my home because I was afraid I would find something else bizarre, and I decided to sleep it off. But that is when it happened again."

Rick was practically drooling listening to this story. He gazed across at Jim, who leaned closer to the table before them. Jim looked Rick dead in the eyes.

"The next morning, I woke up in a state of pure paralysis. It was like something was holding me down in place for whatever reason. I could not get out of bed. All I could do was lay there. Then, after what seemed like hours, I could finally move. I shot out of bed and went back outside. This time the change was very noticeable."

"Like seeing a ship that has been on the bottom of the ocean for over one hundred years," Rick added.

"Exactly. The world I was in was noticeably different this time, right from exiting my home. Typically I could see the Empire State Building in the distance from where I lived. It wasn't there."

"The Empire State Building doesn't exist?"

"Nope. It was never built because John Jacob Astor never died onboard the Titanic. Instead, The Astor Empire Complex was built after his death, much later on. It houses a building 170 stories tall."

"170? That's taller than the Burj Khalifa, right?"

"Right. That doesn't exist, either. There were just so many noticeable changes. It was hard to take it all in. For instance, take out your phone and look up something for me."

Rick looked at Jim for split second and then started reaching into his pocket for his phone. Once he had it, Jim started talking again.

"Now, ask Siri to look up the Gettysburg Address."

Rick looked down at his phone and held the screen down to pull up Siri. "Siri, bring up the Gettysburg Address."

Siri searched the internet briefly and responded, "I'm sorry, I could not find anything about the Gettysburg Address. I found something about Gettysburg, which was a town in..."

"Wait? Gettysburg never happened? The Civil War in the United States never happened?"

Jim chuckled a bit and then sipped his coffee, "That's not the half of it. Abraham Lincoln never existed."

Rick was wide-eyed again, "Lincoln never existed? So, what did that mean then?"

"A lot, Rick. Robert E. Lee was the President in what should have been Lincoln's term. So, as you can imagine, things went a little differently in the United States from then on."

"President Lee? So, I take it slavery was never abolished, then?"

"Not even close. The Confederate States of America took over everything. There's actually still slavery there today, in 2028. No one ever wanted to do away with it. The world in the last 160 years has been quite different."

"Unbelievable. This goes way beyond movies and ships."

Jim sipped his coffee again, "Oh yeah."

Rick tapped his finger on the side of his cup. He had to ask the next question because that was the one really burning inside him.

"What did you mean I could our ticket out of here?"

Jim smiled, "I'm glad you finally asked. I wasn't sure if you ever would. In all the time I have been here, I've never met someone who remembers the world I was from until you. It was such a lonely time, for way too many years."

"Too many years? I thought you said you've only been here since 2023? That's only 5 years."

"That's the year I'm from, Rick. But 5 years is not the amount of time I have been here. You remember that the film Titanic came out in 1997, right? And that it still did here too."

Rick nodded and started realizing that Jim had been there since the 1990s.

"I've been here, in this reality, since 1992."

"1992? 36 years?!"

"That's right."

"But, you don't look old enough to be here 36 years. That's what grabbed my attention about the James Cameron stuff. He's like in his 70s in our world."

"I know, I'm 56 years old. I was only 20 years old when I arrived here in 1992."

"Wow! This is just a lot to take in."

"Believe me, I understand. Sometimes I hardly believe it. But it is true."

"So, have you tried to get back to our world? I know you said you never have seen anyone else before me, but has anything ever provided a way?"

"Nothing has given me any way home, Rick. Not once. Just you showing up now is the only change I've ever seen that connects me back to my original home."

"My gosh. In our world, I would be 20 years older than you by now. Well, older than your 20-year-old self."

"It'll start hurting your head when you think about it like that."

Rick grabbed his head, "My head already hurts. I think I've drunk too much coffee."

"Be glad you can have coffee. This is a hot commodity in the Federation."

"Federation? The Confederate States, you mean?"

"That's what they call themselves now. They've become quite interesting since I left in the 90s to pursue a film career here."

"I would say you've done very well for yourself."

Jim chuckled, "Yeah, I'll say. When I got here, I wanted to unwind once when I found a place to live and watch some old movies. But there was no Terminator. I started looking up things, as best I could before the internet, and saw none of his movies existed, so I tried to recall what I knew from memory to write the stories myself. Someone here picked them up, and I got to start making the films I once loved."

"Kind of like Yesterday."

"Yes! Exactly like Yesterday. I got all sorts of acclaim and money, treated like royalty. I definitely felt like the King of the World."

Rick laughed, "Even though it was kind of a rip-off, right?"

"Well, better to rip off and have a life than have nothing. At least, that is how I felt when I realized I couldn't figure out how to get back to my own world. I would have given anything to return home to my family and friends. I just couldn't figure out how."

"But you think I might can help you, right?"

Jim looked up at Rick, "I'm hoping so."

Rick leaned back and looked around again. He looked at the ship. He looked at his dad. He looked at the table and the ground. Finally, he looked back to Jim.

"If I'm going to help you, what is your real name?"

"Do you believe you can help me, Rick?"

"I would like to hope I can, so I can get home too. If there is a way."

"Where there's a will, there's a way. My will to thrive and survive helped me become rich here. Maybe that can help us get back home. All we have to do is believe it."

"You haven't answered my question, though?"

Jim took the final sip of his coffee, peering over the cup back at Rick. When he was done swallowing, he finally answered him.

"What's in a name, Rick? Except for what's right in front of you sometimes. My name is Richard Martin Smith. I'll be glad to show you some documents that prove it. We're not the same person, but sharing the same name is quite a coincidence. Maybe that's how the mystery can start being solved for us. Do you believe my name is the same as yours, Rick?"

Rick was speechless again. Part of Rick's mind wanted to believe there was no way this was true. But Rick couldn't shake the feeling that Jim was telling him the truth. He would need to see that proof, though.

"Why don't you show me those documents? Do you go by Rick or Richard?" Rick said.

"Actually, I prefer Marty. I can give you a ride over to my place."

"Marty. Don't tell me you have a Delorean that you drive?" Rick chuckled.

Marty replied, "Actually, I do, but not today. I just called an Uber to take us and your dad to my home."

R.M.S.

Rick woke up that morning and felt odd.

His back was aching. His neck was sore. He felt as if he had just been hit by a truck. It was odd, to say the least.

The day before, he had been at work. He did his usual teaching job, hoping his message was received. Then he went to a local restaurant and got roast beef with new potatoes. Dear old meat, and three. He came home, relaxed in front of the television, watching mostly reruns of classic films while falling asleep on the couch. 

He later woke up, noting the time, headed off to bed because he knew Saturday was coming. He could sleep in and had nothing to worry about for at least one day. He crawled into bed, and the lights were out. It was a typical day for Rick.

So, why was he aching so badly this morning?

"Alexa, good morning?"

The artificially intelligent ball of plastic and circuits exclaimed, "Good morning. Today is April 15, 2028. On this day, the Hillsborough Disaster took place in 1989. One hundred people were killed, and 800 were injured."

Rick groaned, now sitting on the side of his bed, wiping his face. He peered over at the Alexa device on his nightstand, looking out of the corner of his uncovered eye. That was uplifting, he thought.

"Alexa, play some 80's music."

Alexa responded, "Here is a station you might like."

The familiar sound of the 80's song "Power of Love" began echoing around the room. 

Rick chuckled, still wiping his face, "Interesting choice."

He recalled the film the song originated from, the Back to the Future classic.

Rick arose from the bed and headed into the bathroom to take a shower and straighten up. As he did, he turned back to look at Alexa on the nightstand and saw the yellow notification light was on. Despite loving the song, he decided to interrupt it.

"Alexa, notifications."

Alexa stopped the music, "You have one new notification. Today you're supposed to meet with your dad. Richard Martin Smith, Senior, sent you an invite to meet with him for an adventure, just the two of you."

Rick's eyes lit up as he stood there with his toothbrush still in his mouth. I'm supposed to meet with dad today! His mouth now dripped with toothpaste as he uttered, "Alexa, what time?"

"You are to meet with him at 9:15 AM."

"Alexa, what time is it now."

"The time is 8:55 AM. You better hurry, or you're going to be late."

Rick thought about all the extra details in the invite. His dad still hadn't figured out that you don't have to include those details in the subject of the message. However, that was trivial because he was about to be late!

Rick threw on some clothes as fast as he could and rushed out the door, requesting an Uber along the way. His dad had never been a patient man and was quick-tempered at times. He was not a man you left waiting. Fortunately, Ubers are quick to find even in the city.

There was a problem, though. As soon as Rick left the apartment, his back, neck, and buttocks all were aching, as they had been when he first woke up.

What did I do in my sleep?

He hobbled down the stairs to the main entrance of the apartment building and proceeded out the door as quickly as his body would allow. The Uber was already there, but he had taken so long that they were almost certainly preparing to give up on his fare.

He finally made it to the car, a late-model Renault Clio. The driver asked him where he was going.

"What do you mean?" asked Rick.

The driver looked at Rick's phone and said, "You never programmed the destination."

Rick looked down and realized he hadn't. Probably due to the pain he was in, he simply forgot.

"The Titanic Memorial, please."

"You mean museum, right?" Quipped the driver.

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, do you have anything for pain?" Rick asked, squinting through waves of pain still radiating up his spine.

"Sorry, none on me right now."

Rick thought, maybe they'll have something there at the...did he say museum? Why did he say museum? It's a memorial, at least I thought?

Rick shook his head, mostly from dealing with the pain but also shaking off that he must have heard the man wrong.

The streets were packed today, and it was already 9:20 AM. Rick knew dear old dad would not be happy with his tardiness.

There were so many people, though, all culminating at the memorial. That was kind of odd to him, but then he remembered. The director of the film was going to be there today. Some sort of event commemorating the sinking. But this was what his dad wanted to do today.

"Hey, I'll get out and walk from here," Rick said as he tapped the driver on the shoulder.

"You sure. You looked like you could barely walk a minute ago."

"I'm fine, thanks."

Rick paid the man with his phone and proceeded out of the car. It was funny, he could move good now and seemed to get stronger as he moved toward the memorial. That was until he noticed that he wasn't at a memorial at all.

In the bay, sitting directly in front of a building he did not recognize, sat...the Titanic.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Rick had been to this memorial a few times, and certainly creative replications abounded over the years, but this was a full ship. It stretched from the Isle of Man nearly to the Beatles Statue before the Queensway Tunnel. The ship was huge and resting there intact. That completely blew Rick's mind.

"What in the..."

Rick was interrupted by what he was saying when a familiar voice chimed in. "Son!"

His Dad was yelling for him.

"Dad!"

"Come on, or we'll miss the next tour of the ship."

"Tour? Dad, are you seeing this?"

"Seeing what? You were supposed to be here before 9:15. Our tickets are for 9:30. You know how hard it is to get them and tour the greatest luxury liner of all time."

"Dad! What is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dad, that's...that's the Titanic."

Rick senior looked over at the ship and then back to his son, "Yeah. So?"

"YEAH?! SO?! How?"

"What do you mean how?"

"How is it sitting there?"

"Are you on some sort of medication, son?"

"Dad?"

"Hallucinogen of sorts?"

"Dad! That ship has been at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean for 116 years! How is it sitting there? Intact?"

Rick senior stared at his son. He had a legitimate look of concern on his face as he did, "Son, the Titanic was decommissioned in 1952. Forty years after it was launched."

Rick was speechless.

Rick senior looked back toward the ship for a glance and then back to his son, "Do you not remember that? We've talked about it before."

Rick was stumbling over his words, "I...I really don't know what is happening right now."

"Are you feeling ok, son?"

Rick could tell his dad was really worried about him.

"I'm fine, but I don't understand what I see. It's not possible."

Rick senior looked at the ship and then back to his son. He walked over to him and said, "Why don't I show you the impossible then?"

He smiled at his son as passers-by continued, oblivious to the two men.

Rick thought, am I dreaming? How can this be real? The Titanic didn't survive it's maiden voyage. It sank, with 1500 souls. How is this possible? The ship is here now?

Rick's shock finally eased off as he continued to stare at the vessel. He knew there was only one thing left to do, as curiosity was killing him.

"Let's go have a look, dad."

Rick senior patted his son on the shoulder, and the two men followed the crowd to the Titanic. 

Rick couldn't believe his eyes. He was walking through history. A legend. A ship that had sat at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean was now in pristine form, all decks intact, all flooring original, and all amenities still present. The grand staircase was as beautiful as he had seen in pictures and movies. He walked the steps up and down several times, his breath nearly leaving his body. They walked past first-class cabins. They maneuvered through the dining halls. They came to an area retrofitted for war and housed injured from battle. This noted the ship's service in World War I and World War II. Updates were present, such as radar and sonar, which came along later. Captain Smith, the first captain of the Titanic, had a memorial honoring him, with a long line of successors that followed. The ship had a grander history of forty years of service that was more impressive than the legend of the sinking. But Rick could not shake that the sinking was all he ever knew. These new details he was learning for the first time on this day, 116 years after the ship set sail.

Then Rick came to the onboard museum for the ship, and an automated voice outlined what took place on the fateful night of April 15, 1912.

The ship never sank. Instead, the ship plowed the bow into the iceberg, breaching the first two compartments and crushing much of the forward part of the ship. But the ship stayed afloat. In all, only 113 passengers and crew lost their lives that day onboard the Titanic. The other 2000+ passengers and crew were safely evacuated from the ship and sailed to New York for needed repairs. Captain Smith was noted as a hero in the evacuation efforts, and First Officer Murdoch was condemned for his actions causing reckless endangerment to the ship, passengers, and crew. In his defense case, he noted that had he not performed the actions he did, there could have been a greater loss of life. The courts ruled him negligent and stripped him of his rank and command. He never sailed again. However, the Titanic sailed on for many years, surviving wars, plagues, and mother nature, as the voice continued on.

"That's unbelievable", Rick said.

Rick senior looked at him, "About what?"

"This was a hypothetical situation."

"What was?"

Rick kept reading some and then answered, "There was always speculation that plunging the ship forward into the iceberg might have saved it from sinking."

Rick senior looked at his son confused, "But that is what happened, son. Murdoch drove the ship dead ahead into it and killed hundreds in the process."

"But he saved thousands! Don't you get it, dad? He saved thousands of lives. The man is a hero!"

Rick senior was really worried for his son, "Son, that man blatantly and negligently killed innocent people with his actions. There are over 100 people whose lives he ended that day. This day, 116 years ago."

Rick looked at his dad, "From where I'm standing, he saved the lives of 1500 people that actually died."

Rick senior looked more intensely at his son, and his brow furrowed. "You really believe that, don't you, son?"

Rick looked back at his dad, "I don't just believe it. It's the truth."

Lights started flashing all around as a man approached them both, with a crowd following close behind.

Rick and his dad looked in the man's direction as he approached and were in awe. The man entering the museum was the director of the Titanic film. 

"Oh my", said Rick senior.

Cameras and film crews were all around as the director began speaking. "Thank you for following me in here." The crowd began to laugh.

"This was the actual inspiration for the film. I always wondered what would have happened had First Officer Murdoch not ordered all ahead full. He rammed the ship into the iceberg rather than trying to go around it. It was a risky move for the time, and most people think he was a bit crazy for doing it, but when you see my film, you get an idea of what could have happened."

A video behind the man starts playing scenes from the film Titanic. The film was the same one from 1997, with the same stars and circumstances that happened before, with the ship sinking. Even the same song was written for the film, but this time all as a hypothetical situation.

Rick was beside himself and could not hold his comments in, "That's it!"

Rick screamed this out as the scenes from the movie played, garnering the attention of everyone in the room, including the famous director.

"That's what I remember! That's exactly how things went. Ok, well, even though you proved some things were slightly different from your adaptation, but this is the truest telling of the Titanic disaster ever made. The gallantry and chivalry, and the angst and tragedy. All of it is what captivates people about the Titanic. The loss of life and all that came with it, man's hubris and folly. Mixed with their engineering and skill. The film was as breathtaking as the disaster itself. That's why it made over two billion dollars worldwide."

The crowd stared at Rick, and a man within it said, "I thought the film made over three billion worldwide?"

The crowd laughed, but three men did not. One was Rick himself staring back at the director. Rick senior was another, staring at the back of his son's head, filled with concern. The other was the director, that didn't stare at Rick. He looked at him, and a small smirk came across his face.

The director faced Rick more and walked up to him, asking a man with a microphone to step away. He looked back at Rick and asked, "By any chance, did your back hurt this morning?"

Rick's eyes got wide, "What?"

"Your back, neck, any part of your body?"

Rick was stunned, "Yes. Why..."

"I can tell in your eyes you believe what you're saying, don't you?"

Rick nodded in agreement.

The director looked down and smiled, scratched his head, and looked back up to Rick's gaze.

"The funny thing is, I had that happen to me once. What's funnier is that is how I remember the Titanic too. That's why I made the film the way I did."

Rick was speechless.

"I'm Jim." He extended his hand out to shake Rick's. "I think you and I need to have a talk. Because something has affected both of us, and you might just be both of our tickets back home."