10: The Baptism

 

For many years now, our family has been baptized. But for Leslie and I, we wanted to let our children make their own decisions about their faith in Christ. Like our children, Leslie was baptized as a baby in the Methodist Church. In the Methodist Church, you don't do baptism by immersion in water but through being sprinkled instead. It's a simpler process of being baptized in Christ than dunking in a tank. This method of baptism, being sprinkled, was what I had done when I was 12 years old and first accepted Christ as my savior.

At that time, I truly believed I was saved and saw a change in my life, mindset, and faith, even as a teenager. That next year, I went through confirmation classes to learn more about why Christ died for us, the resurrection, and how you live through Christ. Leslie attended confirmation classes around the same age to confirm her faith in Christ.

But neither of our children had ever considered salvation on their own. We knew they understood who Christ was, but had they truly ever been saved or accepted Christ as their savior? Having them baptized as infants was a wonderful experience for Leslie and me, but neither of our children remembered what happened. I always knew the discussion of salvation would come up again as the kids got older.

Finally, in 2023, that discussion began. We had switched churches and essentially began anew at  NewSpring. It had been an interesting road getting to this point. For many years, we were against NewSpring, largely because of jealousy. NewSpring had grown by leaps and bounds and was bringing new people to Christ every day, it seemed. Despite any turmoil that had ever occurred there, a presence drew people to that church. God was that presence.

In recent years, Leslie and I had been considering leaving Trinity, especially after my time playing Jesus ended with the Journey to the Resurrection in 2019. We both felt it was time to try something new. But complacency set in, and we attended church sporadically for the next year. Then COVID hit. Because of that, I didn't feel safe going anywhere for two years. We had heard horror stories of entire congregations being COVID from going to church during the pandemic. So, we spent much time watching church online, but it was still mostly Trinity. Finally, in March 2022, two years after the pandemic began, we returned to Trinity in person. The first sermon played one of my favorite songs, Shout to the Lord. I had tears in my eyes because not only was it two years later that we returned in person to church but also a year anniversary since my A1c issues had begun. I was also nearing completion of my dissertation, so a lot culminated in 2022.

However, once the dissertation was done and COVID didn't seem like a large issue, I started feeling this tug at my heart that it was time to move on. The pandemic has provided an opportunity to look elsewhere for a new church family, as the messages no longer resonated with me. My faith hadn't wavered. We felt we needed to go someplace new, especially for our kids. Trinity had good programs, but changes were happening there, and my kids were just beginning to ask questions. We also learned that Fuse at NewSpring has opportunities for children with special needs. With Abby having special needs, Leslie and I felt we should give NewSpring a chance.

We went to NewSpring initially out of convenience since it's only 5 minutes from our house, as opposed to nearly 20 minutes for Trinity. Plus, Leslie told me she always wanted to try it out. So, we went.

I still remember that first time in November 2022. Just walking in made me feel like I was attending a conference. Then, entering the main service auditorium was like entering a large movie theater. We sat near the middle to the back, and I took some pictures. I couldn't help but think I was doing something wrong being there initially. Even posting about it seemed risky. But that was just my baggage. Being at NewSpring was something worthwhile to try. We saw a bunch of people we knew there the first day. Many from our old church. Then the music started playing. You can feel the bass run all through you when the songs play. It really is like being at a concert. Then, the sermon began. I listened intently to what was being said and decided to do something I hadn't done at Trinity. I took notes.

I remember watching that first sermon. The pastor was Dan Lian, who had a lunchbox out for part of it, doing the talking lunch box thing. I remember hearing Abby laugh out loud during it. That warmed my heart because she was paying attention. Then, on my notes, this is what I recorded:

11-20-2022

Supernatural Overflow

Invited

Surrender

Talk out of by stuff

Obey your way

Now, what does all that mean? Honestly, I can't remember, as looking back, I thought I had taken more detailed notes than this. Admittedly, my notes since have become more robust and informative. But supernatural overflow means overflowing in the abundance of things God provides you. You surrender yourself to God's ways, and He provides. I understood the messages that day, and it was a first step toward where it would lead me and my family.

In the months that followed, we hardly ever missed a sermon. In fact, in the year and a half, we have been attending NewSpring, there have only been a few times we didn't attend or watch online, and that was to be at the family members' baptisms at their respective churches. There were several weekends when I had tears in my eyes during the services at NewSpring. My mom told me that was the holy spirit working within me.

As I've mentioned before, I had a lot of bitterness and angst in me during 2023. The culmination of that issue came about in the form of COVID and Afib. But I saw the light, and it was time to make a change for the better in my and my family's life. 

So, after a year of attending NewSpring, we started attending Connect classes to learn more about the church and how to become more involved. After those wonderful classes, my children started attending Fuse on Wednesday nights. I still remember them fussing about going. Now, they fuss if they don't go. One night in December, Leslie and I learned that Abby had raised her hand at Fuse to give her life to Christ. A few weeks later, Charlie did the same thing. Now was the time to reaffirm our faith in Christ, and I could think of no better way than to do it together at NewSpring.

Being up there that day and getting baptized as a family was the greatest gift I could ever receive. We had our family there and had been establishing a connection with those in the congregation through Fuse and service to NewSpring. We were home, where we needed to be, and had the blessing of showing our love for Christ as one.

But as with all great moments that bring you closer to God, Satan does his best to start trying to tear it apart. But there's a big difference between trying and succeeding. Read the next segment, 10: The Ploy.

10: One Another, Part 3

 

My mom posted this picture a few weeks ago, showing me, my dad, and her together at the beach for my first trip. That's a blessing I've had for my entire life to this point and hopefully one for many more years to come.

My parents, Rick and Debbie Thrift have shown me what family really means. It's truly all about love.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I texted my mom first. I was like the scared little kid trying to come to grips with something profound to me. All I wanted was my mother. A text might not have been the best way to share it, but I wasn't sure I could say it at that moment. My mom later told me her reaction to the text. She was in the grocery store shopping when she opened the message. She said she almost had to sit down from thinking about what the text meant. 

My mom has always shared stories with me throughout my life to help me along the way. One she shared had to do with me and diabetes when I was only a few months old. My grandmother, Niney, was at an educational session with my mom about diabetes, and one of the presenters suggested that diabetes was an inherited condition. They also shared that sometimes diabetes has a tendency to skip passed some generations and on to the next, meaning it might be likely when someone contracts diabetes, it could be their grandchildren who acquire the condition later. My mom recalls looking at Niney with a concerned thought; Jason could have this later on?

Niney put her hand on my mom's and said to her, "Not our baby."

Unfortunately, Niney didn't consider some of the habits I would develop in the following years. However, my parents tried to help me understand the importance of caring for yourself. But I did for this as well.

When I was a child, my parents both smoked. My mom smoked more than my dad did, but regardless, I grew up in an environment of seeing people smoke all the time. This action was common, particularly in the 1980s, before the anti-smoking campaigns began. One day, though, I was in grade school and had a nurse visit my class to tell us about concerns about smoking. I remember them talking about how it caused cancer and the adverse effects that could be brought on for everyone in a family. But the lungs they showed us stood out to me the most. The nurse had two sets of lungs, one healthy and one marred by the effects of smoking. I remember that lung like it was sitting right here in front of me now. The lung was black, dead looking, terrible. When I got home that day and saw my mom, I just had to tell her what I had seen. As a child, I was convinced my mom and dad had no idea what cigarette smoking could do to your body, particularly to your lungs. I outlined everything the nurse had shown us and explained it to my mom as best I could. After I was done explaining, my mom said to me, "I know what cigarettes do, son." With that comment from my mom, I responded, "Then why do you do it then?"

My mom told me I looked at her with disappointment, knowing she, in fact, knew how bad cigarettes were but did nothing to stop using them. From that day on, my mom and dad both decided they would quit smoking. On Martin Luther King's Birthday in 1989, my mom smoked her final cigarette, with my dad having stopped before that. Now, 35 years later, neither has smoked again.

That's family, loving one another enough to help each other. 

My parents have always helped me throughout their lives, but it's never just been about me. They help everyone. They've helped people celebrate birthdays. They've helped brides look beautiful for their weddings. They've helped people feel the best they have ever felt with a simple haircut. They've listened and offered great advice to countless people throughout their 40-year career in cosmetology. The joy they bring to others is genuine, passionate, and filled with love. An agape type of love, as they have sacrificed for others more times than I can count. 

I'm very proud to have parents like this, but more importantly, I'm blessed. I've been blessed not only to have them as guides but also to have them my whole life together, forever. They have set an example that we should do as they have done for us. A true love in Christ.

I have shared that love with my spouse, Leslie, and my children, Abby and Charlie, because I know how wonderful it has been for me. It's not to say we haven't had our ups and downs between my parents and me; that's just part of life. But we have always been centered on what matters most--love. It is a Christ thing, the love we share that binds us together in all things we do.

So, I'm glad I could help my mom and dad with their smoking. Likewise, they have helped me with my diabetes concerns. For that, I am always grateful. So grateful to them for any and everything they have ever taught me about life.

But the story doesn't stop there with them. There are still more influential factors in my life that have helped me to work through the sugar concerns I have today. 

Stay tuned for the next segment of 10: One Another, Part 4.

10: One Another, Part 2

 

For all that Maw Maw did for me, I was blessed to have two grandmothers growing up. In addition to Maw Maw, I also had Niney, Mildred Smith.

Niney lived with us for most of my life. My earliest memories were of her with us on trips, at events, and at school stuff as far back as I can remember. My grandfather Charlie passed away before I was born, and Niney was forced to live on her own for many years afterward. She became afraid of living on her own, so much so that she got scared when my dad came over to visit briefly and had difficulty getting to her in the house. After that, my dad suggested to my mom that maybe she should live with us so she would feel safer.

From then on, Niney was always a part of my life. Because of that closeness, Niney and I developed more of a sibling relationship rather than a grandmother-and-grandson type. We were always around each other, and sometimes that would cause strife. We would argue like brother and sister sometimes, and that would lead to moments where I would call my parents at work to tell them what Niney had done this time. The truth was, I just missed my mom and dad because they worked so much then, and I just wanted them to come home. But that didn't mean I needed to call them every 10 minutes. That type of day led to my dad's famous proclamation, "When you see the car in the driveway, you'll know we are home." I remember thinking, Ok! Time to stop calling now.

But the arguments Niney and I had were always born out of love. We cared a lot for one another. So, what these fights were always about was both of us kind of acting like children. Of course, I was a child, so you know that made sense. But, like children, we always made up very quickly. There was never animosity. I remember my parents coming home one time expecting to see the worst when they arrived because of yet another argument between Niney and me, only to find us playing and laughing and having fun together instead. Like I said, we were more like siblings sometimes.

Niney was the first one to help me learn how to drive a car. I remember being about 10 years old and Niney suggesting one day, "Would you want to turn the steering wheel?" I thought, Would I? I grabbed that thing so fast that I almost jerked the car off the road. Now, don't think for a minute she was letting me drive at 10. I was just doing the steering while she worked the pedals. It was good practice, and I became an ace at driving from the passenger seat. 

One of my favorite things to do with Niney was go to yard sales on Saturday mornings in the summer. We would drive all over Anderson County looking for good deals. But it was fun for me. You got to meet new, interesting people. Sometimes, we found really cool stuff. But the fun part was just driving around on a mission to find things fun to do. She loved going to the Jockey Lot, and I thought it was so cool then. But after the riding around, we would later go to Skin Thrasher's Hot Dogs, now known only as Skins. Back then, the only Skins in existence was the one down below what used to be McCants Middle School in front of First Baptist Church in Anderson. But the hot dogs were so yummy, especially with a Coke in a glass bottle.

But my favorite memory was something Niney did for me when I was about 9 years old. Back then, I was obsessed with the Ghostbusters. I couldn't get enough of watching that movie over and over and over. I loved it so much that I started my club for the Ghostbusters and tried to recruit friends at school. Well, in order to have a club, you had to have a cool clubhouse as a base for the Ghostbusters. I would take things from around the house to set up a base in our backyard at home. There was an old shelf for organizing things. I had an old beach chair I laid sideways for the main door to the clubhouse. It was all situated under a big pine tree in the backyard that acted as a roof, with a big open space underneath surrounded by bushes to either side that acted as walls. It was perfect to me but a bit overgrown from an adult standpoint. I'm not sure if Niney was worried about insects and snakes getting to us when we played back there or what her reasons were other than love for her grandson, but when I came home one day from school, I was on cloud nine.

Niney took me to the backyard to see my renovated clubhouse. I stood there looking at it as my jaw hit the ground. Niney had cleaned out a bunch of the overgrowth to make it look even more like walls and created a passageway from the main area to adjacent areas at the back of the yard. She brought out another old beach chair and created another door on the far end, down near a tree. There were chairs, tables, and other things that I could set up as a base of operations. It was beautiful!! I hugged her for fifteen minutes, it seemed. What Niney did, like Maw Maw, was always out of love.

That's why it became so hard, later on, to watch her body deteriorate from the scourge that is diabetes. When she showed me the hole in her foot that one evening, I had no idea how bad things would get for her in the years ahead. As a teenager, I thought that was all part of aging. I didn't know much about diabetes then. But thanks to the experiences of what Niney went through, I learned all too well just how much that disease can ravage a human being. Years later, once I could drive, I was the one driving her around as she had once done for me. But instead of going to school, we were taking her to doctor's appointments. Those times I spent the night with her in the hospital, I never knew I would be a nurse one day trying to tend to others dealing with similar circumstances. I never knew then what I would be facing now with my own life. 

When you're younger, you think things will always be the way they are for you for your entire life. I'm sure Niney thought that once, too. I doubt she imagined losing both of your legs, having strokes, or having to deal with diabetes. When she was younger, she was just like me then, believing she always would be. Now, she is younger, in heaven. I even pictured what she looked like in heaven one time in my book The Civilization Loop. A scene from the book showed God talking to a young woman named Mildred about the events unfolding on Earth. That is my Niney. She's always with me, as are Maw Maw and Paw Paw. They helped me see the problems I was having in my life three years ago, which helped me avoid some of the complications that arose for Niney. I can only imagine what would have happened to me had I not made changes in 2021. What if I decided I'm just going to live my life how I want, and who cares what happens. What if I had never gone to employee health that day, or it had been a year later when they stopped doing those check-ups on employees? Would I still even be alive today?

The good news is, I'm in a better place now than I have been in upwards of a decade. As a colleague of mine once said, "You've only just begun." Maybe the end is the beginning, to steal a slogan from my book. Maybe there's no beginning and no end, like from The Eternal Loop. I think I like that one best, as well as the story from the book. The reason is because it ends having all those we love together again after a journey of a lifetime. That sounds like Niney to me, too. She loved journeys, and I loved her for them.

But beyond my grandparents, I've had others in my life who helped me get to where I am today in this journey with diabetes. Stay tuned for the next installment of 10: One Another, Part 3.

10: One Another

One thing that helps you through a journey like this, whether it is working through sugar control concerns or Afib, is sharing that experience with others. As you do that, you build a relationship and trust with one another. What you hope for, at least for me, is that the message being delivered in posts such as these begins to resonate with others. In some way, maybe the messages help someone in need.

Growing up, I had the best example of this from one individual who epitomized Godly care for one another--my grandmother, Joanne Thrift, whom I called Maw Maw.

Maw Maw was and continues to be one of the best people I have ever known. Her passion was always for others. Whether through the stories she wrote or the interactions she had with them in person, she lived a blessed life of loving those around her and treating others the way she would want to be treated as well.

Maw Maw was a journalist for her career, most recently for the Anderson Independent Mail. What I remember about her time writing for the newspaper was her articles that appeared in the Home Towner. She would write stories about people from our hometown of Anderson, SC, and the surrounding local areas every week. Her stories always showed one thing, inspiration. The reason being, that's what Maw Maw did for all of us, inspire.

One way she inspired was through her humility. Maw Maw never boasted about anything she accomplished. I never knew that Maw Maw once helped Ronald Reagan celebrate his birthday while he was campaigning in the area until she retired from the newspaper and it was brought up in articles and on a television snippet with WYFF about her career. I never knew all of the awards Maw Maw received for her writing until she passed away in 2012. In fact, I hardly ever remember her boasting about anything she ever did. I heard her boasting about the things she loved, which were typically things about her family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers on the street.

She held to God's word to love one another. That was never more clear than the way she loved her family. Maw Maw worked diligently as I was growing up to always bring her family back together on a regular basis. Whether it was Sunday lunches, family reunions, birthday parties, or sometimes all of the above at the same time, she enjoyed doing all she could for her family.

I loved going to Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house on Sundays to have Sunday Lunch. There was nothing better than eating some of Maw Maw's mac and cheese! I still make it to this day because she left me the recipe. I honestly don't believe I could live without it. It's the best in the world. But all her food was great because she did it for us so much. So many Sundays we spent gathered together, watching movies and sports. We would laugh, play, and enjoy the happiness she brought to us all.

As a child, I spent the night at Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house almost every Friday. We would stay up late watching television, everything from Star Trek to Tales from the Darkside (the 1960s versions shown on Nick at Night). Then on Saturday morning, I would get up and eat breakfast while watching Saturday Morning Cartoons (everything from Looney Tunes to The Real Ghostbusters, Transformers, Muppet Babies, Pee Wee's Playhouse, and Garfield and Friends). But what I really loved doing was when Maw Maw would play stuff with me on the Bridge of the Starship Enterprise.

She let me turn one unoccupied room in her house into a playroom for me and my cousins. At the time, Star Trek was something I absolutely loved, everything about space even. She did all she could to encourage that creativity in me, as she was quite creative. So, I took toys, posters, and everything I could to build my version of the Enterprise. We had a ball in there battling Klingons, Romulans, and sometimes even family members and friends. It was all in good fun, of course, and Maw Maw would laugh and laugh as we played.

When she wrote stories that I remembered, they usually corresponded to our family. Many a birthday and Christmas, we were entertained by Maw Maw's tales of trying to rhyme our names with something in the story she created. Sometimes, she would take movie quotes to see if we knew the film that corresponded to it. Sometimes, we would have to guess whose birthday she was talking about during the tale. Other times, she would tell us what our names meant, like mine meaning "One who heals" or Dustin's name meaning "Brown Stone." Those stories did so much to make us smile, laugh, and fill us with joy so much. It's hard to remember every story and how it went because she did so many, at least 30 years worth, just from the time that I recall. But she didn't just do this for us. She did this for everyone, too. She epitomized agape love, living her life loving others and caring about them.

That was her passion, telling stories about others. Once, I managed the social media pages for the Clemson University School of Nursing, and during those 4 and 1/2 years of doing so, I tried to do things I recalled Maw Maw doing--keeping it on the sunny side. As a colleague once said to all the faculty about my posting, they were celebratory, as I routinely highlighted the accomplishments of others across the platforms. For that short period, it made me feel like I had a small taste of what Maw Maw did so well as a person and professional. But what I did on social media didn't come close to the level she was capable of in her musings. She was one of a kind, and I could only ever hope to be as good of a writer as she was in her lifetime.

She inspired me in every way, and I was blessed to have someone like her in my life to shine a light on what it truly means to be alive. Loving others, caring more, being humble, serving, and holding God above all things. That's the story of Maw Maw. She let me and my whole family know why it is important to love one another. Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to have someone like her in my life. 

But that's just one of the many people in my life that has helped me grow into the person I am today. I've written things previously about my parents and in-laws, but I want to touch on others who have inspired me to show love to others the way they did.

Tune in next time for 10: One Another, Part 2.

10: Resolutions

"Look, I'm not stupid, you know. They cannot make things like that yet."

"Not yet, not for about 40 years."

A favorite part of mine from the 1984 film The Terminator. In the scene, Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor discuss the plausibility of a cyborg, part man and part machine, coming after her from the future. That future they were both referring to is the year 2024. This year, today. Although we still have a while before we see if the future of the film could be plausible in 2029, right now, it's clear that some things were just make-believe.

It's always fun to think about what will come in the future. Because the future is unknown, we sometimes worry too much, which is probably why Jesus said not to focus on it. Most of the time, people think of all the negative possibilities that could arise, like artificial intelligence (AI) either destroying or enslaving humanity. But right now, the most sophisticated AI available can only write a paper for you and possibly trick a professor into believing it was a real person who wrote it. Hardly a humanity destroyer or an overlord.

So, instead, it is best to look at the here and now more than what the future holds. Many of the films I grew up loving have seen their years come and go now, like Blade Runner, Back to the Future II, The Island, The Terminator Franchise, and even some journeys back in time by Star Trek have been proven untrue. Our future is truly whatever we make of it, so let's make it a good one, to quote Doc Brown.

Going into 2024, I had this renewed sense of presence, and feeling of positivity, more than I ever had before. I couldn't say that for many years prior to this, especially since 2020. The year 2020 alone was completely forgettable, other than the good things you tried to focus on amidst the growing turmoil of the world. The year 2021 started with a full-on revolt in America and then my own personal health issues. The year 2022 started a sense of dread for me as well, as I was finishing my dissertation and felt all of that pressure, but I also felt a lot of negativity surrounding the year, despite any good. The year 2023 wasn't much better. Stress, anger, and uncertainty were abounding that year. Although I had no more dreams of consequence after March 2021, I felt a certain sense of uneasiness throughout 2023 that culminated in the Afib of July.

After the Afib, though, things began to change. Although stress and uncertainty were still there, I did have two moments that made me focus on something else: my blessings. First, there was the it's time comment in a sleep/wake moment, and then the dream to count my blessings. That is followed by the encounter with an angel. All of these things happened after the Afib and were progressing me in a new direction for my life. Maybe not new, but a more sustainable and important one.

Unlike with my sugar issues, where the dreams and encounters seemed like warnings of impending doom, these encounters since August 2023 have been one of hope and what is to come.

It was time for me to start believing in what is good, pure, and wholesome for my life and to not dwell on things that take away from that life. Because of that, I've done a number of things to help put myself in a better place as the calendar rolled over from December 31, 2023, to January 1, 2024.

There's more joy in my life at the start of 2024 than there has been in recent years. I'm not worrying like I once did, even a few months ago, because what good does it do anyway? I'm enjoying my time with my family more and more each day that passes. I look forward to being at work and doing my best job while supporting those around me like I never have before. I'm truly trying to be all that I can be now. I feel peaceful and content. That's not to say there still aren't moments of frustration, but I handle them better, forgive more quickly, and reason things out more rationally than before. I'm more open-minded now than I have been but with a narrow focus on what is truly important.

I say all of this because as we started 2024, I decided to make some resolutions. We all do that to some degree, typically things like losing weight or exercising more. But these resolutions I wanted to share could be life-changing in ways I might not possibly imagine until they occur. So, here is my New Year's Resolution list for 2024:

1. Be happy, assured, present, and joy-filled this year and beyond. I love the song Joy by for King and Country. I've been playing it a lot since August 2023. It fills my heart with happiness and has quite a catchy beat. Listen to it sometime when you have the chance, if you never have. 

2. Embrace the unknown possibilities. Whether it be a new way of looking at something, a new career opportunity, or a trip of a lifetime, whatever the case may be, I don't need to dwell on the how but the when. They will happen when you least expect it and be ready to embrace those opportunities when they arise.

3. Specifically for me, I want work to be good in 2024. Whether it's working with my teammates on a grant project I'm on, the members of the Virtual Reality and Nature Lab, my coworkers at the School of Nursing, or simply people at church, the organizations I serve, I want it all to go well this year. Re-ignite that passion for the profession I serve and grow stalwart nurses who can carry things forward. But most importantly, help people in sickness and in health.

4. For my family to be happy, healthy, and whole, and the chance to show God how much we love and honor Him. Back in December, my daughter professed her faith in Jesus Christ one night, and as the new year began, my son did the same. For the first time in their lives, they acknowledged what Christ had done for them on their own, on separate days even, so as to not give glory to me or anyone else for why they chose to do it. That's salvation! Now, as a family, we'll be being baptized at NewSpring on March 17, a rededication for my wife and me and my children's profession of faith for them all their own. It will be a great day and something I am truly blessed to share in.

5. For me, don't let negativity creep back in. Whether it's a political campaign or the tug of something from the past trying to wield its saber at me, there's no place for the negativity anymore. Unfortunately, negatives are all around, but it is up to how you choose to dwell on it. I've dwelled too much on the negative and need to accentuate the positives in my life. I'm sure this aspect will be an ongoing battle within me for many years to come. But making that change starts now, in 2024, and I'll work to maintain it for all time. I don't need to let things destroy relationships, ruin friendships, or cause great loss. I need to mend those relationships, enduring friendships, and create great gains. 

I think those are good, don't you? One thing I'm grateful for already, the prognosticators of the make-believe world of The Terminator were wrong. The only thing a computer has ever done to me is crash or pick up a virus. That was annoying, but at least it wasn't Skynet ending me. Those were fun movies to watch and rewatch, but it's more fun to watch the path my children, family, friends, and colleagues all take instead.

That's what I look forward to more in 2024 than anything. Less division, more unity. I can't wait to see what unfolds.

In the meantime, I hope your resolutions happen how they are meant to and that 2024 is the best year yet for everyone. After all, we've been through, we have earned a better year than some in recent history. Let's make it a good one.

Tune in next time for 10: Joy.

10: Happy Halloween

With the stress test and echo now over, I could breathe easily again.

That weekend was hauntingly fun, with Halloween just around the corner and Fall Break at Clemson. If nothing else, it gave me time to rest some and allow the Lexapro to begin working. However, I did do one thing that sidetracked me for a day.

I got the Covid vaccine.

Some of you reading this have issues with that particular vaccine, but I believe in doing whatever is needed to protect myself and others. With the fact that I got Afib due to contracting Covid in July, it felt pertinent to me to get the vaccine to help myself especially. Frankly, I've yet to meet anyone that had serious issues with the Covid vaccine. However, I've seen plenty of people have major, life-changing, altering, or ending issues from Covid. Besides, as one provider said once if you don't contract something from a vaccine within 6 weeks after administration, nothing will happen, which means major issues. 

But small issues can arise with any vaccine, like location reactions or not feeling well. This reaction happened to me the day after the latest Covid vaccine. I felt achy and just plain crappy. So much so that we decided to stay home from church and watch it on television instead. By that late afternoon, I finally started feeling fine again. This reaction wasn't the first time this happened to me with the Covid vaccine, as a similar issue arose in 2021, and a day or so later, I felt fine. I felt fine again in the same timeframe after this dose of the vaccine. Now, I felt secure in the fact that I would be helped if Covid came to visit again.

Additionally, that same week, Leslie's car battery died, the fan on our central heating and air unit died (no longer under warranty), and our string trimmer we had for at least 7 years, died. Things like that always happen in threes, but we actually didn't realize the issues with the trimmer until several weeks later.

The biggest thing that had changed, though, was my mindset and my anxiety. Now, Lexapro doesn't work right away. It takes about 2 weeks to feel anything and 6 weeks to feel like you're 50% yourself again. It can take months to feel 100% again after initiating Lexapro, so a few days of taking the drug wasn't helping my spirits. I was doing that.

I had started altering my mindset at the beginning of October, which carried over throughout the month. If September was a terrible month since all of this had occurred in July, October was the best. I shifted my mindset from negativity to positivity, trying to think through things more rationally. The biggest thing I also started doing was not worrying much about things. I had stressors, of course, but I wasn't in distress. My stress levels had reached an all-time high by July. Now, I felt calm and at peace.

For that reason, I felt I could enjoy my favorite time of the year--Halloween. For the first time, my kids didn't want to trick or treat and end to 10 years of childish fun. That was bittersweet to hear, but they wanted to hand out candy to others. I loved that idea! Years after stopping trick or treating myself, I started handing out candy at my parent's house all through high school and college until Leslie and I had kids of our own to take trick or treating. So, I was stoked to start going to my parents to hand out Halloween candy to other kids.

It also helped that my parent's neighbors went all out decorating for Halloween this year. That house was crazy but so awesome. They had all manner of ghouls and goblins to attract attention, which would also help bring people to my parent's house. We always have handed out candy at my parent's house because our home is way out in the country by comparison. There are never any trick-or-treaters out there. But my parent's house always brings them in on Halloween.

So, we set up a fire pit, and a table with a candy bowl and sat out in front of my parent's house roast marshmallows for s'mores and hot dogs. It was a beautiful night after rain had been forecast. Instead, we sat there playing the soundtrack to Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (my favorite Halloween movie) while we laughed, played, and enjoyed the camaraderie of the evening, venturing up to the neighbor's house many times that weekend to see the excitement in the eyes of children coming to have some fun. 

That's what it's all about for me. I love the fun of Halloween, not the occult. I love the camaraderie of being together, not the costumes. I love the joy it brings, which is a good thing to inspire others to believe in joy. Ironically enough, Halloween does mean "Holy Evening." All Hallows Eve proceeds All Saints Day, providing a Christian connotation to the evening of Halloween. You can read about some of this here and see good scriptures that could be read on Halloween. Unfortunately, the Bible offers no direct scripture about Halloween itself. At least for me, much like the vaccines, I find the joy in the event of the evening more than something negative about it. To each their own on how we all look at certain things.

But on Halloween evening, my thoughts were preoccupied with one thing: what would happen the next day with my results from the stress test and echo? I was anxious about the results and, ultimately, what my cardiologist would want to do. But that's a tale for the next segment.

Look for that segment next week, 10: The November Results.

10: Divine Commencement

Graduation Day! Although I graduated in August 2022, the commencement ceremony for Mercer University is only held in May of each year. That meant my commencement ceremony would not be until May 2023. Appropriately enough, the commencement was on Mother's Day.

My mother and my wife had offered a great deal of support as I worked through my PhD, so giving them the gift of me finishing school was all too welcome. But they, and my mother-in-law, also did a lot to support me through my concerns with sugar and diabetes. Unfortunately, on this day, my mother-in-law couldn't join us, but she was cheering for me just the same as I walked across the stage. But what happened at commencement made for a truly divine encounter.

During my time in the PhD program, I had three other classmates I began with in Fall 2015. Unfortunately, one could not continue in the program, leaving what I called the Big Three. Laura, Paula, and I worked hard as we navigated the remaining coursework and the dissertation process. Laura completed her PhD in 2020 amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Fortunately, most of her research was completed before all the lockdowns, allowing her to work on analysis that didn't require meeting with individuals in person. However, Paula and I completed our proposals a year and a half after the pandemic began, meaning most things only required masks or vaccines. That allowed both of us to conduct in-person research and work towards completion of the program. Paula and I had a tight window to completion in 2022, but we did complete it!

It was an arduous journey for both of us, so of course, we planned on going to commencement. Because of the way the ceremony is set up, they put everyone in specific cohorts together. Bachelors students sat together. Master's students sat together. So, Paula and I, being the only PhD students, sat side by side for one last time as a "student" at Mercer. We would leave that day as official alumni at Mercer University. But the real divine piece to this didn't happen in the ceremony but in the stands surrounding us during the event.

My mom, dad, Leslie, and the kids sat in the stands above us, and I could see them waving to me from afar. We were at Gas South Arena in Duluth, Georgia. The stadium rose up from the ground floor, where the ceremony was conducted, allowing for a nice view for attendees. Eventually though, a lady came and sat down beside my mother. She asked first if she could sit there with her family, to which my mother replied yes immediately. There certainly was no assigned seating that day, except for us in the ceremony. Once they sat down, as my mother always does, she began to chat with the older lady and learn more about her.

My mom is a social butterfly and doesn't know a stranger. But on this day, this particular interaction would become strange. But in a good way.

At some point, while talking to one another, the lady sitting beside my mom started hollering down and waving at the graduate she was there to see, along with her family. My mom asked the lady who their graduate was, and the lady said it was her daughter, and she was down near the middle, in my location on the floor. My mom then asked her what degree her daughter had earned. The lady replied, "She earned her PhD in Nursing." My mom thought, what? Then the lady told my mother, "That's her next to that gentleman." The gentleman was me.

My mom was a little shocked. Somehow, in all these people in the stadium observing, my mom just happened to end up sitting beside my classmate's mother. Even more ironic was that my mom and Paula's mom wore black and white striped dresses to the event. My mom looked back at Paula's mother and said, "That gentleman is my son. He's graduating with his PhD in Nursing as well." Paula's mother was now shocked herself. Neither could believe they sat beside each other, just as their two children sat beside one another in the ceremony. People sitting near my mom and Paula's mom had heard some of this and began chiming in too. "You mean to tell me the two of you don't know each other, and both your kids are graduating from the same program, and you just happened to sit beside one another?" This person said they got cold chills thinking about it. "That is a God thing," said another person sitting nearby.

There's a lot of truth to that. Paula and I both went down to the wire on our PhDs, trying to complete them. Paula, unfortunately, had lost her father along the way, but still was striving to complete this journey in memory of him. That made for a very special moment as she walked across the stage, signifying the end of her journey in the program. I followed behind her shaking hands with the Dean, and having the President say to me, "Congratulations, Doctor" all while my mom yelled out, "That's my son." He voice cracked a little bit in the process of yelling. Of course, after the ceremony, we all went and pigged out! My family and I had some yummy Japanese at Kani House in Buford, one of our favorite places to go.

But after all of this excited simmer down, May 23rd was fast approaching. This was the day that would determine where my A1c was at that time, after another 6 month stretch. I was doing pretty well with my dieting, minus a big meal on this day with graduation, but I was still concerned had I done enough? If the A1c was still up, where would things take me next with my regimen. Honestly, with all the good that was happening leading up to May 23rd, 2023, I had a better feeling that I was expressing. Besides, the number 23 was on my side. 

Tune in next time for the next segment 10: Good as Can Be.

10: My Mentality

 "Vanity is definitely my favorite sin."--John Milton, The Devil's Advocate

"When you're brought into this world, they say you're born in sin. Well, at least they gave me something I didn't have to steal or have to win."--Jon Bon Jovi, Blaze of Glory

These two quotes epitomize where my mentality was before the A1c of 10.

Don't get me wrong, I love the film and song, so I'm not criticizing them. The film and the song highlight important messages. From the plot twists you see coming to the action-adventure oozing out of the guitar solo, both are fun to listen to and watch. But they are just for fun. That's the part where the message begins.

Sometimes that little voice inside your head tells you things only a child understands. Your inner child never leaves you from the time of your childhood until the day you die. From time to time, you listen to it as a child would. It's perfectly normal to do so, by the way. Everyone does it. We all want to embrace childish things sometimes. People might call it a mid-life crisis when you've reached my age bracket. It's the point in your life where you want to still be young, but you aren't anymore. That's when you either have to be mature and accept where you are in life at that point, or you have a crisis. Erikson's stages of development call this Generativity vs. Stagnation. It's the middle age time in life when you contribute to society and be part of a family. If you achieve generativity, you've succeeded at leaving something behind that will still be here when your life ends. Whether raising children or doing valued things at work, you feel accomplished that what you have done in life means something to someone. On the contrary, stagnation means you haven't achieved something that is beneficial to your psyche. Insecurity, failure, and even selfishness are all things that could lead to stagnation. Negative self-talk plays a factor in this as well.

Before March 31, 2021, my mentality wasn't the best. As mentioned, I was considering quitting the PhD program by March 2021. I didn't feel all that well and physically was showing signs of a problem. Despite having successes in life, I didn't feel successful. I remember at one point, Clemson was playing Ohio State in the College Football Playoff in 2020, and I could have cared less that they lost. The truth is, I could have cared less if they had won. I was always excited and happy when the teams I loved did well and angry and sad when they lost. By January 2021, though, I didn't care anymore. I remember asking a friend back then what does that mean. They said, "You're numb. That's what depression is."

Was I depressed? I knew I wasn't happy with how things were then. The state of the world through a pandemic. How people were acting on social media. Things at home had grown complacent. I certainly felt out of balance, but was I fully depressed now? I think my real issue was a negative way of looking at things, which had become pervasive throughout society leading up to March 31, 2023. The A1c of 10 certainly could have caused my mind to go either way. I could have spiraled downward after that revelation and truly became depressed. Instead, it became a motivator. The A1c of 10 let me know something was wrong and that I could fix it. So, I listened to my grandmother and my mother on this one.

As my grandmother Maw Maw said, "Keep it on the sunny side."

Maw Maw, or Joanne Thrift, was a journalist for the Anderson Independent Mail during her time working. She was an exemplary journalist at that. Her final column in the newspaper before retiring was The Home Towner. She consistently and frequently wrote about other people's successes, adventures, engagements, passions, and desires, which mostly involved helping others. She loved doing things for other people, no matter what. She was a gifted and talented writer, and I could only dream of being as good as she was with her ability.

She loved writing about stories of perseverance. People who overcame obstacles to find happiness. Her main goal was to spread a little sunshine each and every time someone read her column. That's how I remember her and will always remember her. One of the most uplifting and encouraging people you will ever meet, and she was my grandmother. But I was blessed more than that. I have a mother that feels the exact same way. Mom loved Maw Maw's ways and embraced them the whole time she has been married to my dad.

My mom was worried about me leading up until March 31, 2023, because of my mentality. She was worried something was killing me from the inside and attributed most of it to stress. She wondered if I should go see a doctor for no other reason than to find a way to take the edge off. She saw how tired I was, how grumpy and outright angry I was about everything. She wanted me to be happy again. When she first heard about the A1c of 10, she didn't believe it. She thought it wasn't real. But I knew it was real. I could feel it. After that, my mom did everything she could to help me. But the biggest thing she did was help me realize what my provider was trying to tell me--you can make yourself feel better!

That was part of the problem, my own vanity sometimes. Again, I would listen to that voice telling me it's ok. I don't need any help. It's fine the way things are. I don't need to change. But what the voice said was all in vain. It was all in my head. Not a delusion, mind you, that negative self-talk. But the ability to persevere was there too. I had to believe I could do it. Between Maw Maw, my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law, my parents, Leslie, and the kids, I had a team of people helping me learn to adapt my thinking. Abby did something I'll never forget.

Abby was watching her daddy when the news came out about the A1c. What she saw was a broken person for a few weeks. She listened to things that were being said and paid attention to how I and others responded. One thing she took note of was that her daddy couldn't have sweet tea anymore. So, for that reason, Abby didn't want sweet tea anymore. How remarkable is that? My 11-year-old daughter, at that time, didn't want to do something anymore because she knew I couldn't, to try to help me out. She would sacrifice like me if it meant better health and well-being. Mainly better health and well-being for her daddy.

I changed my mindset when I was 33 because of my kids. In 2011, I was over 250 lbs and wanted to diet to get myself in better shape and allow me to enjoy things more with my kids as they grew up. Abby was about to turn 1 year old when I made this decision, and Charlie was a few months away from being born. It worked! I lost over 30 lbs and felt so much better, even running again as I had before. I didn't believe I would be in the position I was in 10 years later, in 2021, but that happened. I had gained that weight back and then some, and it was due largely to complacency and listening to that negative self-talk sometimes. But I had succeeded before. I could do it again. But now, my daughter was doing it for me.

2011 I did it for my kids, but in 2021 I was doing it for me and everyone else I cared about. I won't let 2031 come and have to start over again. This time the mentality had to be to make changes that were truly sustainable and not fall back into the complacency I had developed about healthy ways. Some thought I was healthy but hadn't been for a few years. My mindset had to be different. So, as I've mentioned many times, I prayed. I asked Jesus for help to guide me on this new journey to help me help myself so I can continue to help those I care about most. I asked him to help me persevere...and he heard me. He was always listening and always trying to help me.

The biggest mindset change that was needed was to reduce the negativity. I don't believe you can completely wipe out the negative things going on around you, but you can reduce it. I stopped looking at some things on social media. No influencers. No politics. No news. I also stopped talking myself down. Negative self-talk is powerful. I had to think about what was good in my life more than anything not going so good. When it came to the PhD, I focused on what I could do and stopped thinking what I was doing wasn't good enough. I made it good enough. I wasn't going to quit now. I was just getting started.

The A1c of 10 had flipped a switch, and I was winning because I overcame this obstacle with the support of those I love.

And what were the results, you might ask? You'll have to tune in next time for 10: The Results.

10: Dream Analysis

The Final Analysis of the Four Dreams

So, the burning question. What did all of these dreams mean, and what did any of them have to do with diabetes?

Since I'm a huge science fiction and fantasy fan, especially of Star Trek, I'll use a phrase so often uttered by Spock. It will appear logical in the end.

Vivid dreams are powerful and skirt the boundary between the real and the unreal. It was hard to discern what was real in each dream and what wasn't, and my mind didn't perceive anything as unreal, even though there were elements that defied reason.

My grandparents, who had long passed away, had returned alive and well in the dreams. That was the only critical difference between reality and the dreams. Everything else was grounded in reality. The people walking up to the house in a line looked perfectly normal, except for their behavior. The white figure didn't do anything profound but stand there. The voice said a simple phrase. There was nothing behind me. The monster was never seen. The fanciful elements of the dreams weren't that unrealistic. Someone could even conclude the roar in the dream from the monster wasn't a monster at all. Those pieces seemed to be inside me, even within the dream.

What was profound was having people present in the dream.

They say when you near the end of life, sometimes you can see relatives long since deceased returning to console you in your waning days. Now, I don't think for one minute I was dying, but I was having a profound change in my life. For that reason, the people that had been most dear to me in my life to that point appeared:

My grandparents

My parents

My wife and children

As the dreams happened, I misinterpreted the meanings at that time. The dream about Niney, I thought, was about her and missing her. The dream where Leslie had a convulsion suggested concern about her. The dream with Maw Maw and Paw Paw and my mother seemed like reminiscing about times past until something was behind me. The monster was after me and the children. Even my dogs at the time got into the action at that moment.

None of the dreams were about them, though. It was a warning for me, and when you see the interpretations below, it will make sense why I was being warned about the insidious disease known as diabetes.

Dream 1: A Knock at the Door

This dream was warning me that I was now pre-diabetic. It made sense that the first person to come and warn me about my impending diabetes journey would be the person I saw diabetes ravage the most. Niney, my grandmother, deteriorated from diabetes over the span of seven years. I had a front-row seat to it as I grew up. Not only was she alive and well, she was walking around helping me do stuff in the dream, which would have been impossible for her to do in this world. Her legs had been amputated leading up to her death, so the spiritual realm had manifested new ones for her.

She came to warn me because my body had shifted from the previous year. The last time I had an A1c done was in March 2018. That year my A1c was 5.6, so normal. However, I was 0.1 points away from being classified as pre-diabetic. By May 2019, my weight had increased substantially, and I struggled to run sometimes. Had I had an A1c check in March 2019, my A1c would have been 5.7-6.4 at least. The reason for this can be shown in pictures an Atlanta Braves game in 2018 and Halloween 2019:

Braves Game May 2018

Halloween 2019

Look at my weight gain between these two images, a little over a year apart. Even in the pic from 2018, I had to suck in my gut a little. In my face, however, you could see the excess weight. The excess weight was apparent in the Halloween picture as my jumpsuit fit me rather tightly. 

I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. Nearly 10 years earlier, my weight was in this same category, prompting me to take action to try to lose weight and become healthier. But 10 years of time takes its toll on a person, balancing work and life, and a PhD. By December 2019, I was over 250 lbs, if not more. For my build, that was way too much. Niney was trying to warn me, but the warning went unheeded. Hence, the next set of dreams.

Dreams 2 and 3: Someone is Here, and There is Someone Walking Behind You

I'm putting these two dreams together because they happened a week apart. I've now interpreted the white ghost-looking figure to be the Holy Spirit. This was the day I became classified as diabetic. By this date, April 2020, we were amid the pandemic. As such, I wasn't willing to go anywhere much unless I just had to. So, going to get an A1c check for my annual birthday check-up did not happen. Had I gone and had my A1c checked, then the score would have been 6.5 or above. My weight had done nothing but go up over the past year. All running had ceased. My exercise routine was not consistent. My diet was horrible. I'm certain I wasn't alone about the diet considering most people were stressed by what was happening due to the pandemic. Comfort food was a must then.

But at the end of Dream 2, the voice says someone is here. After that, the pulse wave sensation shot out from the core of my body in all directions when I awoke. That sensation came almost from the spot where the pancreas is located. Your pancreas is near the intestines and stomach, not far from the Xiphoid Process on the sternum. I believe this was the exact moment I became diabetic. Leslie's reaction to convulsing and passing out had to do with what was wrong with me and the realization that something profound had happened. 

But the voice. That voice was the Holy Spirit, letting me know it was there. It was going to be there to continue trying to warn me. The Holy Spirit was trying to let me know something life-changing had happened to me. I would have to come to grips with it sooner or later.

Dream 3 was a further warning trying to get me to see. Something walking up behind me was diabetes overtaking me. The ghost, or whatever it was, was within me. I saw nothing behind me because it was already inside me. The insidious way of diabetes began working on my body, filling my mother with fear in the dream. This starkly contrasted how my mother would have responded to her baby being affected by something in real life. The fear was not in her but within me. The manifestation of symptoms of diabetes had only just begun but was in full swing by late 2020.

In late October 2020, I had another bizarre encounter involving bedtime. This was no dream, though. Whatever happened took place while I was still awake.

I had gotten out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Leslie and the kids were all asleep, and I crawled back into bed. When I did, though, I felt something come up behind me and put its arms around me. For a split second, I thought I saw the shape of a nose out of the corner of my eye. I started drifting back to sleep, but this grabbed my attention. This action awoke me immediately, and I looked across the bed to see that everyone in the room was still asleep. For a moment, I thought maybe Leslie had gotten up and gone to the bathroom and, on her way back, decided to hug me in my sleep. Literally seconds, from my perspective, had passed since I left the bathroom and returned to bed. There was no way Leslie did this action or even one of the kids.

Although this could have been an alarming thought, who just touched me as I went back to sleep? Honestly, I was calm. I laid my head back down and drifted back off to sleep. It was comforting and made me feel peaceful. Nothing was scary about this because it was like someone or something had hugged me. I believe again this was the Holy Spirit, if not Christ Himself.

The next day, I looked to see what getting a hug from behind meant. That is one of the most comforting things a person can do because the person being hugged is vulnerable, and this type of hug offers reassurance. Doesn't that sound like something God would do? This is a significant moment, separate from the dreams but certainly tied to them. The hug signified that God was with me to help comfort me through whatever was about to happen with diabetes. It was also significant that this was the first time I showed symptoms of an elevated A1c. Urinating frequently, especially in the middle of the night, is a sign of poor sugar control. My body was just beginning to show issues, and it would only worsen in the months ahead.

God was trying to console me because the big reveal was headed my way.

Dream 4: The Monster

By March 2021, I was highly symptomatic of diabetic issues related to the exceptionally high A1c of 10. Weight loss had begun. I urinated frequently at night to get the excess sugar out of my body. I was fatigued, irritable, and worn out. It should be no surprise that one final dream came at one of the darkest times of my life in recent history. A time when I was at a crossroads of despair. This was the final attempt by God to help me understand what was happening to me.

The monster in the dream was not a literal monster, though. It was the monster within me. The monster of diabetes taking its toll on my body and well-being. I was losing, and if this dream didn't serve to wake me up to what was going on, nothing would. Who knows where my life might have gone from there if this dream hadn't occurred.

I remember waking up from that dream, realizing how quickly it happened, and thinking, How is that possible? I just had a dream that fast and that vivid? The dream happened over a 30-minute period that morning. The others happened during sleep at night, but this one was a literal nap by comparison. However, you typically remember dreams right before you awaken, so most likely, all the dreams happened in a short sleep period. God works in mysterious ways.

I knew from that dream and things going on in March 2021 that something else was happening besides stress and difficulties at home, work, or school. Something was wrong with me. Finally, I got checked out and had the reveal of the A1c of 10. It all made sense instantly.

Why did it take nearly 2 years to figure this out?

Well, that's because of how our reality works. You see, in heaven, time has no meaning. When God does something, it happens instantly for Him. But for us here on Earth, it could be years, even centuries, as events unfold.

2 Peter 3:8-9 reads:

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

That verse puts it all in perspective. God knows what is happening to us and works to help us, but we also must realize how His time scale works. The timing of His help was perfect. It also makes sense from the verse. To quote James T. Kirk's line from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan:

"Hours instead of days. Now we have minutes instead of hours."

From God's perspective, He was quickly trying to help me see what was happening, but the time scale here on earth put that relative position over years for me. Two years had to go by for me to receive the completed message. It was all for His glory. I honestly can't think of a better way to prove the existence of God than this as well. Reading all these dreams and the analysis, I can't think of a better way to help a non-believer understand how God works and why you must operate from His time scale and not your own.

Since March 3, 2021, I haven't had another vivid dream again. Like I've said, I've had some typical run-of-the-mill goofy dreams since that time. But I have had no dreams like these four ever again. That hug sensation has never happened again.

I just know He is there. He's watching, praying, and working for me and anyone who needs Him. This is just my story of how God intervened and helped me. He intervenes more than you realize, but sometimes it goes unnoticed. He did this for me because my actions led me to something profound in my life. I wasn't near death, but maybe I was headed toward a rough life in the years ahead with my health. I still have much work left to do.

I'm grateful for the help He has given me. Maybe He's helping you too.

That concludes the Dream Analysis, and for the next post, we'll go into what I did to help me overcome the fear, the physical issues, and other constraints of diabetes, so much so that my provider won't even classify me as being diabetic.

I did it all through Him. Thank you, Jesus.

10: What Dreams May Come Part 3

You've heard the song, Turn Around, Look at Me. The lyrics go something like this:

"There is someone walking behind you

Turn around, look at me
There is someone watching your footsteps
Turn around, look at me"

It's one of the creepiest songs you'll ever hear, made even more creepy during the film Final Destination 3 in 2006. The Vogues nailed creepiness for all time with the song. It was fitting to include it in a horror film with the imminent threat of death looming with every character in the movie. 

We all get creeped out occasionally, whether walking down a lonely stretch of walkway or simply going to the bathroom down the hall. That eerie sense that someone or something is near you becomes more than present sometimes. Sometimes it's because we get spooked by stories of ghosts and goblins.

When I was a kid, my parents owned a shop called Innervisions. They rented a large, white mansion-looking home for their business. However, the house reminded me of the Amityville Horror house from the movies. It was very old, with many nooks and crannies that let the imagination run wild. From the claustrophobic back stairwell to the basement below, this house gave the feeling of being haunted very easily.

One night my mother was alone in the shop while my dad and I were watching The Last Star Fighter at the movies. I believe she still had to work, and Dad wanted to take me to see it, so Mom stayed to finish and straighten things up until we left the movie. She went about her business, cleaning up and getting ready for us to arrive to pick her up when she took a stroll down the hallway. As she did, she felt the presence of someone behind her. You know that sense, right? You can feel someone near you at that moment as if walking directly behind you. Then my mom felt breath on her neck. At least what she thought was breath. Naturally, she assumed this was my Dad sneaking up on her, and she turned to confront him. 

The only problem was...no one was there.

Mom was alone in the house, staring down an empty, dark hallway, and she distinctly felt the presence of another person breathing on her neck. My mom said she got goosebumps and ran into the bathroom, locking herself in until we came to pick her up.

I remember Dad getting frustrated that my Mom wouldn't answer the door right away as we stood outside. Apparently, he had left his key to the shop inside with her and couldn't open the door from the outside. So, he banged hard on the back and then the house's front door to get her to let us in. All the while, back inside, Mom was afraid to come out because of what she had experienced.

Eventually, my Mom heard my Dad fussing outside and knew it was him, and ran down the stairs and through the house to us waiting on her. She immediately wanted to leave. For this reason, as I grew up, I never wanted to be alone in that house at night. I was not sad at all when my parents wanted to move into a new place for their business and said goodbye to Innervisions. The place was creepy to me.

I do scare easily, and I'm afraid of the dark to this day. I don't even like being alone in my own home sometimes, let alone at night. When that happens, I sometimes run to reach my final destination.

I love that movie franchise too. The film's producers took everything in life and turned it into a way you could die. Everything from airplanes, race tracks, bridges, highway accidents, and roller coasters are the big events at the film's beginning. It doesn't include the kitchens, drive-throughs, showers, apartments, movie theaters, escalators, gyms, swimming pools, elevators, fences, Lasik eye surgeries, tanning beds, and dentist's offices you could die in too. Whoever thought they could actually die at a dental visit??? It could happen if the building collapsed on you. Yeah, that happened, too, in the movies.

The notion of something or someone sneaking up behind you, stalking you has always terrified people. But in this dream, something was after me. I've heard that if you dream of being chased, you're running from some sort of stress in real life. But in this dream, I wasn't being chased. I was being stalked. And in this case, it caught me.

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Dream Three: "There is Someone Walking Behind You" (May 4, 2020, 7 AM)

I was at my grandparent's house on Johanna Circle in Anderson. I could see the den and kitchen area with the air conditioning unit in the window, as they customarily were back in the 1980s. But this was not the past again. It was the present day, and my parents and I were over at Johanna Circle visiting my grandparents, Maw Maw, and Paw Paw.

Maw Maw was in the kitchen cooking like she so often did, and Paw Paw was up walking around the den as I started making my way down the hallway to the bedrooms. The house on Johanna Circle was small but lovely. It still had three bedrooms, two baths, and a laundry area, and was quite nice for a small family. Perfect for Maw Maw and Paw Paw.

I could hear Mom and Dad in the bathroom down the hall and went to go ask them something as they were getting cleaned up and flossing together. Like, actual flossing, not the dance. Cleaning their teeth.

They both exited the bathroom when they finished, and I saw my Mom look at me. I was still coming down the hallway, which seemed unusually long. This was not a long house, but my walk down the hall took longer. Then I saw the look on my mother's face.

My mom's eyes got wide, and her face seemed pale. She looked terrified and was looking beyond me. She told my Dad to go toward the back bedroom on the other side of the hall, which he did. When she got to that room, she closed the door slightly, putting the door between her and the hallway, which included me. I then asked my Mom what was wrong.

"Someone's behind you."

I could hear Maw Maw and Paw Paw in the room behind me talking but in the distance. Then, I could feel someone behind me. I could feel them standing right there, so I spun around.

There was no one there. It was just an empty hallway, with light coming in from the outside through the windows, and I could still hear Maw Maw and Paw Paw talking. I went into the bathroom that was now dark, where my parents had been, and turned on the light. No one was there. 

This ended the dream.

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A few things about the setting:

1. The house on Johanna Circle had been in the family since 1981 until the mid-2010s. My grandparents, Maw Maw and Paw Paw, lived there until 2007, when they moved in with my parents. They started renting the house after that until they sold it. So, unfortunately, I couldn't get a picture of the hallway in that house for this post. Thus, the image you see is from my own home.

2. Returning to that house on Johanna Circle had more to do with seeing Maw Maw and Paw Paw again. Maw Maw died in 2012, and Paw Paw in 2019. What I experienced in the dream, however, was not a memory. They were alive and well as if still living today, just like Niney had been in the current day. My parents and I were apparently at their house visiting them, as we often did.

3. My parents cleaning their teeth was a funny moment in the dream. My parents have always been adamant about dental hygiene. They always made sure I went to the dentist growing up and continue to do so to this day. So hearing them do that was a fun moment. However, the rest of the interaction was much different. In the dream, my mom looked past me with wide eyes. She did this sort of thing in jest to me all the time growing up. It was to get a scare out of me as a child. But this time, the look was all too real. It was the look I imagine she had at the shop that night when she turned around to find no one standing there. Terrified, to say the least. She even ran away to hide, leaving me in the process. This is not how things might have gone in real life, as my Mom would have stayed with me. What that told me in the dream, something awful was coming up behind me.

4. Turning around to find nothing didn't really scare me in the dream. It was unnerving, but I wasn't afraid. I was confused. That's why I went into the bathroom to try to find whatever was behind me, but nothing was there also. But something had been behind me. I would have never doubted my Mom for saying that. If she saw something there, then it was there. But where did it go?

5. You might recall me saying this dream occurred on Star Wars Day. You may have been expecting Yoda or someone to appear in the dream, but the date was inconsequential. That day just happened to be the day the dream occurred. But two old, wise people were there in my dream that I adored and respected most of my life. My parents were also there, like masters overseeing me, as I was their apprentice. The dream had similarities to Luke's walk into the cave where he confronted Vader. However, in my case, there was no Vader to be found. The enemy was within and was only beginning to show itself.

That enemy was overtaking everything, and with the final dream, it revealed itself as the monster that it truly was...

10: What Dreams May Come Part 1

Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real you questioned whether it was a dream?

In the span of two years, I had four dreams that felt more real than my waking life. These dreams were unique because, for years before that, I couldn't remember any dreams much. Sure, every so often, I had an interesting dream that I could recall, but it was fleeting. Eventually, most of the details of your run-of-the-mill dreams go away. I still have those types of dreams every so often today. 

But these four dreams, from May 15, 2019, through March 3, 2021... were vivid dreams.

Vivid dreams stay with you forever. You remember every detail as if it happened yesterday or an hour ago. These types of dreams skirt the boundary between real and unreal. There is certainly fantasy to them, but the realism of the dream feels like it actually happened right then.

It feels like a perfect simulation of reality.

I love working in simulation in nursing education. Simulation allows you to do things that are real in the care of patients without all the risk of hurting someone. You can make a mistake and simply reset it. It's a lot like a video game, only more serious. However, I haven't met many people that didn't take video games seriously because the goal is to win. So, your ultimate goal in simulation is to succeed as a participant. But as the facilitator of the simulation, or the person creating or running it, you try to make it as realistic as possible. A facilitator does whatever it takes to make a simulation seem real so that the participant in the experience feels like they are really there within it. So the participant can't discern real from unreal. As a nurse educator, the goal is for the participant or student to learn from the experience.

These vivid dreams taught me a lesson because the facilitator of them made them perfect. 

I have to believe the dreams were from God. It's the only thing that makes sense, looking back on each one. Because they weren't dreams at all. They were warnings. 

I also have to warn you or issue a disclaimer. With each dream, things become more intense. The dreams become progressively darker each time. The dreams culminate in a final moment that will be revealed in the Dream Analysis after the conclusion of the next four posts, including this one. I was terrified by each one. 

The next question on your mind might be, why would God terrify me with a dream? Well, have you ever read the Book of Revelation? "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."--Revelation 3:22.  Revelation uses fear quite a bit to grab the reader's attention. Revelation is, in fact, a horror story that ends well. It's been said that Jesus Christ spoke more of Hell than He did Heaven in his teachings. He sometimes used fear to get people to listen. When God speaks, you listen in whatever form that may arise. That's how I can remember the dates and times when these dreams occurred.

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Dream One: "A Knock at the Door" (May 15, 2019, 5:45 AM)

I was at my parent's house on Bellview Road, the inside of the house was so clear, and the attic door was open. I was putting up Christmas decorations and had the attic light on above and light coming from the bathroom and down the hallway.

A few seconds later, I could hear my mother's clock chime in the den, her newly purchased Swarovski Clock that chimes different tunes and melodies. We had gotten it for her the past Christmas, so it was still new and fresh. Then a familiar voice started speaking to me.

My grandmother Niney was walking up with a box of Christmas items for me to carry into the attic for her. She simply asked me to carry that box up the steps for her. I, of course, told her I would.

After placing that box in the attic, I returned, and Niney asked me if I could take something out to the carport quickly. I said yes and carried the item out to the carport for her, going through my parent's back door. One of the cars my parents drive was missing. That explained why Niney and I were the only ones in the house then. Everyone else was gone somewhere.

It was dark outside, and street lights were on with cars passing by on the road. I put the box down and stood back up. When I did, a vehicle was pulling up in the driveway. I looked out in the direction of the car pulling up, and all I could make out were the headlights. From my vantage point, the headlights reminded me of an older model Jeep Cherokee with squared-off duel headlights. 

Looking out at the car started to unnerve me, however. I was now on edge, fearing who might be in the Jeep. Suddenly I heard a voice holler out, "Hey!"

Before that utterance, I had already started moving toward the back door. Once the person yelled that at me, I bolted for the back door and slammed the screen door shut, locking it. The carport light was on, so I knew I had to close the wooden door, too, before someone walked up and saw me. I slammed that door shut, too, and put the chain and deadbolt on. My parent's back door has a set of blinds on them, so I could see the light coming in through the blinds. I looked to my right and thought I saw a figure pass in front of the side window looking into the carport. This spooked me, and I ran to another part of the house.

I went into my parent's hallway and turned toward the left to the front bedroom. This had been my bedroom years earlier when I lived at home. The blinds were shut in the bedroom, but the lamp illuminated the blinds. I took my fingers, moved the blinds slightly, and peered out the window to see what I could see.

I saw outside the headlights of a car shining across the front lawn. Through the lights, I could see the reflection of multiple people's legs walking in a side-by-side line toward my bedroom window across the lawn. I was terrified. What are they doing? Why are they coming here? What do they want?

Because of my fear, I went back into the hallway and stood in the center where the back door going to the carport could be seen. That's when I heard it.

Knock, knock.

Someone was knocking on the back door, and I turned my head to see. The blinds were drawn, but from the light shining down through the carport, I could see the silhouette of a person standing outside the door, lowering their arm from knocking and waiting for someone to answer. Niney was no longer in the house with me. I was completely alone, standing in the hallway staring at the back door.

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A few things about the setting:

1. The clock was significant as I had given it to my parents for Christmas in 2018. This made it clear the dream was happening in the current day.

2. Niney, my grandmother, passed away on October 16, 1998. She was the one assisting me in putting up Christmas decorations. This is highly significant because not only was she alive and well, she was walking and had lost both legs due to complications from diabetes and a stroke before her death.

3. I have no idea, to this day, who the people were in the Jeep, nor who the person was at the back door knocking to come in.

4. May 15, 2019, was my grandmother Niney's 101st birthday. At the time, I thought the dream was about her and my missing her. That made sense in 2019, especially with the dream happening on her birthday. I remember doing a post the next day saying I believed I was trying to keep the people from coming to get my Niney. Somehow I believed they were coming to take her away, perhaps for good. I thought this was my wishing she was still alive and that I missed her greatly. 

But the interaction with Niney had nothing to do with her. It had everything to do with me.

Tune in next week for 10: What Dreams May Come Part 2--Something is Here...