10: The White Light

It had been a while since any dreams or unusual happenings occurred while going to sleep. Of course, I had four vivid dreams that were a big wake-up call for my sugar issues that had been affecting me since 2019, rearing their ugly head in 2021. I had the hug from behind later in 2020, which was more of a sleep/wake moment. In August 2023, I had the "It's time" voice that came up in the middle of the night. So, back on March 1, 2024, I had another moment that could go alongside the others.

I was lying in bed and woke up to use the bathroom that night. Nothing was unusual there, and when I went back to bed, I began dosing immediately. But as I drifted off, I saw this intense white light envelope everything. The light was extremely bright, brighter than any light in the room. We always sleep with one light on because I fear the dark. I always have. This fear was much more intense as a child, but as I've gotten older, that fear has subsided and having a light on, plus the TV, is just a common occurrence. But the need for a light began because of fear.

Because the light beside my bed is always on, I don't notice it or the lamp's luminosity. That light is just there. But at that moment, this light was something else. It wasn't that I could see the light, but I could feel it, too. The light was that intense, almost like the sun beaming down on you on a hot day in the summer. But the strangest part was the feeling I got as I saw this intense light. The feeling was like I was slipping away. That sense of slipping away felt strong, like my presence or being slowly left my body. That's when I became alert again.

I sat up and looked around the room. Everything in the room was exactly as it should be, including the lamp beside me. Everyone else was asleep, no issues were present. I laid back down with my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, believing I could make the light happen again. I truly thought all I saw was the light from the lamp beside me, and I had experienced drifting off to sleep. The only problem was I couldn't make the light happen again. No matter how many ways I positioned myself in the bed before finally falling asleep, the light from the lamp was nowhere near as intense. I had the typical reddish, yellowish light that you can see behind your closed eyelids. 

But that sensation and the light didn't unnerve me. I felt peaceful and calm. I didn't have a single concern. The light was radiant and beautiful. You felt so warm in its presence, secure and loving. I waited a few weeks before I told anyone in my family about the light because I wasn't exactly sure what happened, but I started looking up things about seeing a white light when going to sleep.

I saw some things suggesting others have experienced this white light. One suggested alien abduction, which seems far-fetched. Others believe lights you see at night are possibly cars passing by or some other light from outside occasionally. In one case, the person thought someone had broken into their home. The light was so intense that they believed someone was shining it in their face like a flashlight. They woke up fearful, unsure of what took place. They did the same thing I did, looking around the room out of fear for them. They realized no one was there and that the light might have meant something was about to change there. They recently had some changes in their life for the better, and the light was a good sign.

Seeing the light might have corresponded to changes in my life over the past year. The bout with Afib made me put things in perspective. I had to ease my anxieties and rely more on God, probably more than I ever have before in my life. That health concern was much more terrifying than anything I could have experienced in my sleep. But my whole life seemed to be going in the right direction now, at home, at work, everything. Like I said, there were still frustrations sometimes, but that's just part of life. Things were different now, by March 2024. I was in a better place, and perhaps the Holy Spirit was allowing me to experience that, if only for a moment. 

But what was the sensation of slipping away for that brief few seconds? I wasn't near death by any means. Was that what the rapture could feel like? That moment when God takes you up? It was a strange feeling, that is for sure. But, like I said, it wasn't fearful. It was peaceful. Perhaps, if only for a moment, I was being given a glimpse of what true harmony and peace in God feel like. What a blessing that can be.

But a great blessing was to come in the weeks ahead. The baptism of my entire family all at once. Tune in for the next segment of 10: The Baptism.

10: The Journey of Fun

 

As March 2024 approaches, the month has always had a lot of meaning to me. Not only for my birthday on the 27th or spring but also for the approaching summertime. Not even for St. Patrick's Day. March also lets me reflect on a great time in my life- the Journey to the Resurrection. 

For 16 years, I enjoyed the best revival of Christianity imaginable. During late February, until the end of March, and sometimes into April, it was Journey time. For that entire month, practically everyone who attended Trinity United Methodist Church participated in the passion play about the final hours of Jesus Christ's life on Earth. Of course, it culminated with Christ's resurrection, hence the name. But it was one of the most fun times of my adult life, stretching from 2004-2019. In the first year of the Journey, I played the disciple John and followed a traveling group around the church composed of Jesus, Peter, James, John, Mary, and Mary Magdalene. We always referred to the Jesus' as the Jesi, because we had three of them that year. Having multiple traveling groups allowed for various times for people to attend the Journey and walk through immersing them fully in Jerusalem 2000 years ago. I had very few lines; in fact, I only had 4 total in the entire play, but the fun was the atmosphere and camaraderie the Journey offered.

For the next 15 years, however, I played one of the Jesi. So, I went from 4 lines to, well ALL OF THEM. I still can remember the lines from the Journey, especially my favorite scene in the Garden of Gethsemane:

"Father. The time has come to satisfy your plan. Be glorified through me. Open to door to save all people so they may have eternal life. Guard my disciples. My friends for the trial is upon them. You have given them to me, and I have given them the words that you gave me. But Father, my soul is sorrowed to it's depth. If there is any other way, release me from this cup of death. But if there is no other way, be glorified through me so that the whole world may know you. For not my will, but your will."

This scene was a powerful moment for Jesus, showing his humanity in the face of his ultimate mission to save humanity. Truly my favorite moment of the whole performance.

Each spring I started growing a beard in January, so it was nice and full by March for the performance. I would try to diet and get my weight down some coming out of the Christmas holidays. Sometimes I lost a lot and sometimes, eh, not so much. But no matter what I always had fun doing the performance.

We were all a bunch of jokester and of course had things go wrong during the performance. One time the disciples in the upper room got bored and ate all the bread for the scenes. Half the time the rooster wouldn't crow in the Peter denial scene, but then the real live rooster would never shut up during the market scene when Jesus was trying to address the public. One time I broke character for a moment because I was about to smite that rooster and gave it a dirty look. I could barely hear myself think much less talk trying to deliver lines over that ridiculous creature's crowing.

One time, one of the other Jesi was thrown down so hard in the Pilate denial scene, his wig fell off, and the actor had to look down trying to get his wig back in place while still delivering lines. He came out looking like a band member from Nirvana by the time he had to turn around and face the audience. Another time when the Roman guards came to get Jesus in the garden, Judas came in to show he had betrayed Jesus. When Judas came in, James spoke up and said, "Judas Priest." It was hard not to want to laugh at that, but you couldn't when you're standing in front of the audience during a serious moment. So, when stuff like that happened, you just looked down and maintained your composure. Another time Peter, James, and John tried to see who could hit the Upper Room table the hardest with their hands. I had to fight like crazy not to laugh when they all three did this, once again just looking down. I also had the time I started delivering my lines in the waiting area before we went out to do the Market Place scene, but delivered them as The Grinch. You don't really know biblical scripture until you've heard it in the original Whoville Grinchness. :) There was also the time that my cousin was in the crowd in the resurrection scene while I was delivering my lines. When I was done, she yelled, "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" You know, it was my birthday that day, so she knew what she was doing. Everyone else though was probably really confused since it was March and not December.

But there was one time that none of that worked. It was the final performance of the Journey in 2006. I was the final Jesus performing along with my traveling group and we all decided we wanted to go out strong. "Let's go out with a bang" I think is how I put it. Craig Bario was the Judas for my group and like me he is an avid Star Trek and Star Wars fan. So, we jokingly said let's have Jesus and Judas have a lightsaber duel in the Upper Room Scene. There won't be any sharing bread this time! It was funny, all in jest, or so I thought.

You see, when I said let's go out with a bang, I really didn't know what I had just gotten myself into. When I peeked in the Upper Room scene where all the disciples were waiting for the final run through I knew they were up to something. Brandon Grooms said, "We're ready for you, Jesus." He had a big smile on his face. I was now terrified. What are they going to do?

The Upper Room scene is a somber place during the Journey. It's the moment when Jesus first reveals to his disciples that He will not be with them much longer. So, this is a difficult time for Jesus and his followers. There's confusion, distrust, uncertainty, denial, and even anger. So, there's really no room for laughs in this scene at all. It's a serious moment. So, as you can imagine, for this one final time that year, seriousness went right out the window, caught on fire, and crashed into a puddle of gasoline surrounding a propane tank before it exploded.

I actually prayed before I walked into the room alone, asking God to give me strength for whatever was about to happen. I met up with Matthew, played by Patrick McGee, and he delivered his lines per usual. So, no tricks there. I was able to deliver all my lines as I went around the table and over to the bowl and pitcher to fill it with water. After I filled the bowl with water, I placed the towel into it with my hand, and that's when I discovered the first trick.

The water was ice cold!! I mean, really cold. As I stood there for a second, all I could think was, Geeeez, that is freezing! And I've gotta put Peter's feet in that?!?! Have you ever seen Dumb and Dumber? You know that part where Harry has his hands around Lloyd's throat, and Lloyd starts complaining Harry's hands are freezing then screams like a little girl. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, and I only had part of one hand in the water.

I walked over to Peter, played by Stephan Jones, and sat the bowl beside his feet. Stephan is a really good actor, and the next year he started playing one of the Jesi like me. I'm convinced this final moment in the Journey that year is why he started doing that. We delivered our lines, but I kept having to look down some because I couldn't look at Peter. For the scene, I should have been looking at Peter, but I couldn't look at Stephan playing Peter because I knew what was about to happen. Finally, the moment came when Peter put his feet in the bowl, and Stephan is a good actor remember that. He stuck his feet right into that ice-cold water. It was all I could do not to start laughing. I couldn't look up because I knew if I saw Stephan's face, I was going to start dying laughing. I could only imagine the shock he had when his bare feet went into that water. And then I had to take the rag and ring it out with more water on top of his feet.

So, we got past the Mr. Freeze bowl of cruelty, and I thought, Oh man, they got us good. Wow. I didn't know what they were going to do, but that was a good one. I continued my lines going around the table to have me finish in the spot where I would sit with the other disciples. But as I finished the last part of the lines, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them," suddenly I got this thought in my head, do you really think that's all they did?

Remember, we were going out with a bang. When I got to my spot where I kneeled down to join the others at the table, that's when I saw it. There, lying beside the pillow I was about to kneel on was a green lightsaber. It was the lightsaber Qui-Gon Jinn used in Star Wars: Episode I, The Phantom Menace. I looked at, briefly looked over at Craig, who was grinning ear to ear and tried with all my might not to start laughing.

All I could think as I stood there a second looking down at this green lightsaber was, cue Duel of the Fates. I knew Craig had a lightsaber somewhere over there with him. This was it, the chance to see Jesus and Judas duel it out once and for all, winner takes all, right in the Upper Room. But we couldn't actually do the duel because it wasn't scriptural, and they didn't have lightsabers back then...as far as we know.

So, I kneeled down, got comfortable and just decided to ignore the lightsaber and deliver the lines. I was doing good about it, too. I had almost forgotten the lightsaber was there until I had to do one thing. I had to hand Judas a piece of bread and talk directly to him. I dipped the bread in wine (grape juice-this was church after all), leaned forward and started to hand Judas the bread to deliver the line, "What you are about to do, do quickly."

That's when it happened as if the spirit of Qui-Gon Jinn resurrected and used the Force to make his presence known. When I leaned forward, one of my knees brushed the lightsaber that was still lying there. Unfortunately, the area of the lightsaber it hit was the activation button. When my hand reached Judas' to hand him the bread, the lightsaber roared to life, with the familiar hum many people seeing Star Wars movies had heard throughout the years. When the lightsaber came on, Craig almost started laughing as he took the bread. He had the benefit of grabbing the bread and then running out of the room as quickly as he could, all the while trying to hold back laughter as he left. I on the other hand was still having to sit there, now dealing with this lightsaber that was active.

When I leaned back, my knee kept hitting it and now the lightsaber was making noises like it was being struck by another lightsaber, over and over and over. Chris Brown, playing John, was beside me. He reached down, grabbed the lightsaber and threw it aside down to another end of the table away from me. No one saw him do that, but I was starting to crack up. I was almost in tears trying not to laugh and still deliver lines. At this point, every disciple at the table was looking down also trying not to laugh, and certainly none of them wanted to look at me. We all knew if we made eye contact, the show was over. We were all going to die laughing. And I still had lines to say along with Peter before the scene was done.

Mercifully, we made it out of the Upper Room and headed to the garden. When we got there, we had to let the laughter out some. Paul Wright was behind a black wall and played the angel that comes to comfort Jesus in the garden. He came out from behind his toilet seat, as I called it, and asked, "What are y'all doing?" We told him what happened. He just looked back at us, shook his head and went back to his toilet seat. Ok, sidebar moment here, when Paul sat back there, it was just empty space and a chair. To me, it looked like a bathroom stall. Hence, I called it his toilet seat. Now you get the picture.

Fortunately, there were no more antics for the rest of the performance, but that went down as the funniest moment in the history of the Journey to the Resurrection. What made it funnier was that people thought that me, as Jesus, and all the disciples were playing the Upper Room so seriously that time. They were all so humbled and moved by what Jesus was saying and doing, and all of the disciplines were bowing their heads in humility as well, it was a beautiful thing to them. Nothing could have been further from the truth, but hey, we're glad that's how someone saw it. That's all that matters, what the audience saw, and not what we were experiencing. Needless to say, a new rule was made for future Journey performances, no lightsabers allowed.

I wanted to share this story with you because the Journey to the Resurrection was one of the most fun times of my life. Portraying Jesus and helping others come to Christ in this manner was a blessing and one of the most cherished experiences I'll ever have, and I hope they bring the performances back again one day. Being Jesus during that time made me feel a part of Him even more. I could only hope to be like Jesus. But I'll certainly take being saved by Jesus.

But as I've said in prior blogs, Jesus has been with me through thick and thin. He reveals Himself when you least expect it and in ways you can't imagine. Once again, Jesus made Himself known to me around the time that the Journey typically began. Tune in next time for 10: The White Light.

10: One Another, Part 5

My favorite group to be with throughout the years. Leslie, Abby, and Charlie. This final segment of the One Another blog goes out to my family. My Puka, Boomer, and Buck.

I remember when we went to Philadelphia. We had so much fun staying in the hotel downtown. While I attended the conference, Leslie and the kids explored the area. Of course, staying close to the hotel until I could join them. We visited the Liberty Bell and walked the streets of Philadelphia as I sang the Bruce Springsteen song until my whole family wanted me to be quiet, as did some passersby. My favorite part of the trip was going to the stadium complex on the city's outskirts, where all the sports franchises resided. We got to go to Citizen's Bank Park and watch the Phillies play the Atlanta Braves. Of all the teams that could be in town that weekend, the irony was that it was my beloved Bravos. Then we got lost on the metro, meaning we took the wrong one. We just about reached New York because of it, but we found our way back home.

That's the beauty of being lost with the ones you love. At least you're together. Eventually, something will lead you back home. 

I was lost in my overindulgence with gluttony. Drinking all the sweet tea. Eating whatever I wanted. Many of those issues stemmed from being stressed about things beyond my control. One thing I did have, though, were cheerleaders in my back pocket. Leslie and the kids did all they could to help me, but I wouldn't always let them. I let everything bother me instead of relying on my family and God to help me. For instance, look at these two pictures from Halloween. The first one is from Halloween 2019. Leslie looks like her usual beautiful self and as far removed from a witch as anyone can be. The kids look lovely, too. As for me, I'm filling out the Ghostbusters outfit pretty well. A little too well. I was the heaviest I've ever been at that point, heading into 2020. Pictures like this should have been a wake-up call for me, but they weren't. I was too preoccupied with the stressors going on around me that I would just eat and eat as if I were still 17 and didn't gain a pound.

But look at the next picture. This pic is from Halloween 2021. The Ghostbusters outfit is the same one from 2019, and look at the difference in my weight. By Halloween that year, I had lost 30 lbs from where I started at the doctor's office in April, and more than that since 2020. However, much of the initial weight loss was from diabetes taking its toll on my body. By October 2021, though, I was in better shape, feeling good, and had diabetes under control. The belt was the sign. In 2019, which you can't see, the belt was stretched as far as it could go to fit around my abdomen. In 2021, look at all the excess left hanging. Leslie still looks the same because she continues to do things to help herself through diet and exercise. The kids had grown some and continue to do so, but they, too, tried to help me see better ways of doing things.

When I told my family the news of my sugar issues, I remember what Abby did. She saw how the news had bothered me. I told them I had to give up Sweet Tea, which was hard then. When Abby heard that, she quit drinking Sweet Tea too. I told Abby she didn't have to do that. I told her she was still young and could enjoy things if she wanted to. But she didn't like knowing her Daddy couldn't have it anymore, so she didn't want it either. That made me cry that my baby girl, my Boomer, loved me so much that she was willing to give up something she liked to help me.

Charlie was much more concerned about my heart issues that happened in 2023. He usually sits beside me on the couch at night, playing away on his iPad. But he would ask me many questions about my heart and what I experienced. Charlie is curious about many things. But what I love talking to him about more is space and God. Charlie has a simple way of looking at things sometimes. He likes to deal with facts. That will make him a good researcher one day if he chooses that route. In some ways, he helped me see the facts of my heart situation. I would think about things he said and others during the fall of 2023. I began to realize that this situation could have been much worse and the anxiety I was feeling was simply a by-product of what happened. In time, Charlie's calming demeanor was something I latched on to, and I tried to start doing myself some. I'm more high-strung than he is and more like his sister. The sibling rivalry is strong in these two. But seeing how he responded to things helped me see things better.

But that brings me to my beautiful bride. My Puka. She's truly been with me through thick and thin. Especially a whole box of Thin Mints. Aren't Girl Scout Cookies the absolute best? But I've learned not to splurge so much on them like Leslie eats parts of her meals. However, one thing Leslie has taught me a lot about is exercise. She's shown me the importance of working out and how it benefits you. She's been a stalwart when it comes to fitness. One of the greatest things about 2023 for me was when Leslie began working at the YMCA, where she could help others begin their fitness journeys. She's a great hair stylist, but I know how much she loves working out. She's helped me see the importance of it, and I know she helps others, too.

The biggest thing Leslie, Abby, and Charlie have shown me throughout this journey is love. Their love has been something I've clung tightly to, allowing me to overcome all obstacles. That love was given to them by Jesus and is shared by them in the same way He would. They are a blessing to my life, and I thank God daily for having them by my side.

And that's a wrap for the One Another segment of the blog. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have in writing it. Tune in next time for the next segment, 10: The Journey of Fun.

 

10: One Another, Part 4

I've mentioned how my father-in-law, Jim Bowen, has helped me through this journey of high blood sugar. But my father-in-law and mother-in-law, Brenda, have helped me in various ways since March 31, 2021.

Over the years, long before my sugar issues, both Gran and Grandad, as the kids call them, have worked together diligently to carve out better habits in their own lives. Eating better and working out appropriately. Gran always had the best veggie lasagna! She, of course, makes regular lasagna, too, but the veggie was quite tasty and better for you. But one thing she always made that I loved for breakfast was her mini biscuits!! Those were amazing. Granted, you shouldn't eat 20 of them in one sitting, but they were small and, therefore, better for you if you ate them in moderation. That's true of any food, honestly.

However, Brenda has always given sound advice throughout my time with her concerning health. She researches things and determines what works best for herself and those she loves. She also quickly confirms things she has seen online since she has at least 4 healthcare professionals in the family. Not a bad thing to have for anyone. But she's also vigilant because of her previous husband, John. John passed away at a very young age, approximately my age now. That's eye-opening for anyone because it shows how fleeting life can be when you least expect it. 

My father-in-law has a similar life experience with the loss of his spouse, Sharon, Leslie's mother. She was even younger than John when she passed away from the effects of ALS. In both cases, they share a bond of losing a spouse in their younger years but gaining love later. For that reason, they know true tragedy and how to carry on.

Having high blood sugars and then Afib were not tragedies. Had I died from something, that would have been a tragedy. What both of them showed me was how I could overcome those issues and carry on. They understood how scary it can be to have a condition, but they were always quick to remind me that things can get better. 

My father-in-law has had his share of health concerns, but he's never let that dictate his life. He was an avid kayaker when I first married Leslie. So much so that he took Leslie and me on our first river rafting excursion in 2003. Then, later, we had kayaking lessons that allowed him to share his favorite activity with us.

I had always wanted to go river rafting since seeing the film River Wild, one of my favorites of all time. So, when we had the chance to go down the Ocoee River in Tennessee, I was nervous but stoked. It was something new I had never tried. But I picked up on it pretty well. Well, enough that the next year, we tried the kayaking. The biggest thing I wanted to learn to do with kayaking was rolling. I tried it in the pool a few times but wanted to do it on the open river. But to Mr. Bowen, that wasn't the most important thing. What was important was learning the basics of kayaking and enjoying it.

There was one particular point in our kayaking excursion that Leslie and I, in separate kayaks of course, had to go down a stretch that was long ahead of my father-in-law. That seemed uneasy to us, but Mr. Bowen knew we could do it. And we did do it, in various ways. I went down first and got turned around backwards because of partially getting caught in an eddy. An eddy is a section of the river that is not moving compared to the flow of the river, and thus you have to maneuver around it to be sure you don't roll over and possibly have to bail out of the kayak. So, I went down the stretch blind, but came out ok in the end. Leslie followed after me and got caught in the same eddy, but in her case it unnerved and caused her to flip some because she got too close a strainer. A strainer is a section of the river with a bunch of tree branches or roots sinking down and it catches you like a strainer in a sink. Leslie held on to the limbs with all her might as he dad came down behind her and allowed her to grab hold of his kayak. We then retrieved her kayak and paddle and started back down the river again.

But the moral of that story was, life will throw you lots of curveballs. Sometimes they will twist you all around, but you still have to balance yourself and move through in whatever way you can. Sometimes those curveballs will knock you off your path, and you might have to hold on for dear life, but ultimately there is someone that can assist you. In this case, Christ. We always have the help we need, when we need it. As I went down the river backward I wasn't scared, because I knew I had protection, not only from those with me, but from Jesus too. For Leslie, she was ok after that incident, but also had protection waiting on those that loved her to help and through Jesus as well.

We always have God on our side to support us and help us through challenging things. Jesus also presents us with people who can help us here. Gran and Grandad, Jim and Brenda, my in-laws, have been there for me as much as anyone else I have named thus far.

But there is still one last group of people I haven't mentioned that have helped on this journey day in and day out. You'll read about them in the next segment of 10: One Another, Part 5.