10: Nurse's 5K

 

The Nurses 5K was the first run/walk by the South Carolina Nurses Association (SCNA) and the South Carolina Nurses Foundation (SCNF). I've worked with SCNF since 2020, attending my first meeting right before the pandemic began in February that same year. It's been a wonderful experience being part of SCNF for the past four years, which has culminated in me being the President of SCNF currently. Last year, the President of SCNA, Angela Dykes, came up with the idea of SCNA and SCNF teaming together to host the Nurses 5K in 2024 as a way to raise scholarship funds for nurses and student nurses across South Carolina. Our goal is to promote the profession of nursing, celebrating it as one of the most trusted professions in the world.

At the time we began formulating this plan, I was stoked. Immediately, I wanted to do all I could to help make the Nurses 5K a reality. At that point in 2023, I had already run multiple 5Ks and had at least two more I planned to do, including America's 5K in July. Little did I know then, however, that America's 5K would be the last one I participated in until the Nurses 5K.

On July 1, 2023, I ran the race at 30:40, which isn't bad for a 46-year-old man. I was tired afterward because it was hot and muggy in summer. After the race, we loaded up for vacation at Wilderness at the Smokies for our summer family getaway. After that vacation, though, was when COVID hit the household, leading to my issues with Atrial Fibrillation (Afib). As mentioned before, at the beginning of June, I received a clean bill of health from my Cardiologist and was told I didn't have to return for 2 years. I was stoked about that, too. Running the 5K at the beginning of July was just icing on the cake for my health and well-being. So, it was a complete surprise to have Afib impact me.

I was heartbroken, no pun intended, because with my heart accelerating to 170-190 beats per minute, about the same pace it had been doing during many of my runs, that scared me immensely. I've outlined my anxiety extensively to this point, so I won't belabor that issue. But I began to realize my running days were over.

I didn't feel safe running anymore. I was scared it would trigger something in my heart that was irreversible. Fortunately, my heart returned to a normal sinus rhythm without much intervention other than Cardizem. I still take the Cardizem to help with my heart and blood pressure. But despite good things, my mind was not in a good place from late August through the end of December. I struggled mightily with my mentality. I truly am amazed sometimes I could do any of my work I needed to during that time. I can honestly say it was by God's grace that I could work at all.

But one thing that was certain to me was that I wasn't running any more 5Ks. I had already signed up for the Electric City Gobbler 5K in November that year and the Swamp Rabbit 5K in February 2024. Both of those were canceled for me. Then I realized the Nurses 5K would be in May 2024. At first, I wasn't planning to attend.

This saddened Angela, as I initially had told her that my son's birthday would be the same day as the event, so I couldn't come. But the real reason was twofold. One, I wanted nothing more to do with 5Ks and two, I was scared to even approach Columbia, where the Afib had occurred. When I made this statement to Angela in January, I was not over what happened, even though I felt better. I was still debating whether I could attend the Palmetto Gold Gala, which was also held in Columbia in April. 

I was being ridiculous. That's the truth. In both cases, I was the President of SCNF, and the expectation was for me to attend both events representing SCNF. In one case, I had to give a speech as the President of SCNF during the Palmetto Gold Gala. The other, SCNF, benefited the most from funds received from the Nurses 5K to support scholarships. The President of an organization has to be there. It really isn't an option not to attend. Especially at first-time events like the Nurses 5K. Certainly, I wouldn't always have to be there in the years that followed, but not for the first one. For Palmetto Gold, I had to be there.

The Palmetto Gold Gala broke me out of my concerns about going to Columbia. The circumstances of the trip were quite similar to the trip on July 13, 2023, when we drove down then. I was going to be presenting something, and I drove down in my truck. Both concerns went off without a hitch, and Leslie and I had a wonderful evening celebrating others' achievements. 

Going to the Nurses 5K was now not a problem, and we decided to make a weekend trip out of it for the family to celebrate Charlie's 13th birthday, much like we celebrated Abby's birthday back in February at Wilderness at the Smokies. The problem now was simply participating in the 5K with Leslie. The reason that was a concern, the last time I had even walked with Leslie, I had heart issues on Labor Day.

September 2023 was the month that didn't seem to want to end, and the beginning of the month set the tone. On Labor Day, the first time I had ever been off for it while working or attending Clemson, I had a bad panic attack that I mistook for a heart attack. This type of issue not differentiating a heart attack from a panic attack is not uncommon amongst people with severe anxiety issues. There are a lot of similarities between the two. That day, Leslie was out walking with me, enjoying the beauty of the day as I tried to push the distance we walked and increase the time to do so. That was my downfall that day. I landed in the ER, embarrassed at the issue. Since then, I haven't felt completely comfortable walking with anyone, much less attempting to run. Running wasn't really an option.

So, for the Nurses 5K, I was doing both. I was going to walk the entire race with my wife, Leslie. Part of me even thought we might even run a little bit. But running worried me. Any type of running, no matter the pace, gets your heart rate up much more than walking. So, it was a concern, but I was willing to try if we did.

The day of the race was overcast, perfect weather for an early morning run/walk. We had almost 100 participants, and for a change, I went way towards the back because I knew I wasn't running. Once the race began, I felt great. The scenery as we walked the course was also amazing. We walked through some beautiful neighborhoods in Forest Acres in Columbia. Past the golf course, beside nice homes, rolling past the highways. It was nice to participate in a 5K again, even if I only walked. Then Leslie said, "Why don't we run a little bit?"

I knew that phrase was coming. I knew it before the race ever started. I also knew I had to try. So I replied, "Why don't we."

We ran during two stretches of the race. The first was a short section of uphill running on a back road with no one around. I felt fine. So, on the home stretch coming down the highway, we decided to run for the last half mile. I was nervous, but I did it anyway. It felt great to run again, however short the distance might be. We finished strong and crossed the finish line together. As we ran that final stretch, Leslie would gradually increase the pace. She was doing that to help me see I could still do what I had always done.

As I stood there catching my breath from that final half mile, I listened and felt my heart beating. The heart was, of course, beating faster but gradually slowed back to the expected pace. I felt great. I was running again. I had done it. I had run a 5K again.

So, naturally, we are planning to do another 5K. I just signed us up for the Electric City Gobbler in November 2024, a nice way to start the day before eating an enormous amount of Thanksgiving Dinner.

If I can just get my knees to stop bothering me, that's a completely different issue I've been dealing with for 14 years. I think that one is age combined with weight mostly.

But with the first Nurses 5K behind me, I can't wait for the next one. It was a monumental success filled with joy, happiness, togetherness, celebration, and love. I was so happy to be part of it and enjoy working with the people I am associated with in helping set up this amazing event. These events did so much to help me recover from what I endured last year, and I'll never forget that. We'll let you know when next year's event is all set. 

My next event, however, is the next A1c check-up on May 29, 2024. Stay tuned for the next segment, 10: May the A1c be with you. 

10: COVID AFIB

 

On July 1, 2023, I began the month running. It was the third consecutive year I've participated in America's 5K. It's a fun race to run, as you always get a participation medal and a nice way to usher in the summer holiday week. I ran that race in 30:40, the second 5K of the year around that time, and an improvement from the year before when I ran the race by almost two and a half minutes. In 2022, I was coming off completing my dissertation, and I was just beat. I was really lucky I ran the 5K at all that year.

Besides nagging knee soreness going into the race, I did just fine. The heat that morning did get to me because it was hot. Hotter than it had been the previous two years. I've understood that July 2023 was one of the hottest months since 1880. July 1st was definitely a prelude to the rest of the month. I just remember being drenched in sweat after the race, sitting for a bit to rest, and heading home to enjoy the rest of my weekend, leading to a vacation with the family. No harm, no foul, just heat and a 5K for a hot time of year.

Vacation was, well, vacation. It was a much-needed rest from the grind of the summer. I had been in clinicals and research all summer up to this point. So, heading to Wilderness at the Smokies for a few days was a welcome fun time with the family. We had a ball all week, went to Soaky Mountain Waterpark, ate good food, and enjoyed time together. I rode every water slide the place had at the time. They are currently adding some new ones to the indoor waterpark. 

The next week was back to the grind, but I also had a conference to attend that Friday with the South Carolina Nursing Education Simulation Alliance (SCNESA). I'm on the board for this organization and had planned on presenting my dissertation research there. So, that week was all about prepping for the conference. I even started getting back into the gym to lift weights that week, as I had hoped to help Leslie take the kids there the rest of the summer. Everything was going according to plan, and everything was upbeat and positive.

Thursday, July 13, 2023. I woke up feeling fine and ready to head out to Hilton Head. Mando even slept with us the night before, and I got greeted by him laying his ever-growing body right on top of my head. I felt like Mando didn't want us to leave. Perhaps some foreshadowing of the day. We ate breakfast at Waffle House and planned lunch at The Salty Dog Cafe once we got to Hilton Head. So, we headed down I-26 towards Columbia and branched off in the direction of Charleston to get to I-95 to move toward Hilton Head.

That's when it happened.

A few miles down the road past Columbia, I started having this odd sensation in my chest. It felt a little like the Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVCs) I would have sometimes. I certainly got those when I was stressed, and traffic in Columbia is definitely something to be stressed about. But this felt different. It felt like the PVCs were never-ending. I began to realize these were not PVCs at all. My heart was racing, and it wouldn't slow down.

I told Leslie it felt like my heart was racing. She asked if I was okay, and I said I wasn't sure. It was beginning to unnerve me as I continued driving down the interstate. I was really concerned about driving. It felt like my heart would race out of my chest, and I was worried that I would become dizzy or lose consciousness. I'm driving down the interstate, going around 70 miles per hour in a truck with other cars flying around me. This situation was bad for me, my family, and the other drivers. So, I told Leslie I had to pull over.

We pulled off the interstate on the side of the road, and I turned off the truck. I carefully got out and made my way around to the other side of the truck near the embankment. The whole time, I was walking, but my heart was still racing. Now that I didn't hear the sounds of the truck, radio, or anyone talking around me, I could hear my heartbeat. It felt and sounded like what I would feel running a 5K. It wasn't slowing down a bit. I tried taking deep breaths. That didn't work. I stood there and wanted to sit down on the side of the road, but I was worried about sitting in the grass and maybe fire ants being nearby. I stood there beside my truck on the side of the road, clutching my chest. All I could think was, Is this where I die today?

I guess that would be a natural thing to wonder about, especially where the heart is concerned. If a major organ is having issues, and you don't know why, you speculate about everything. But then the nurse in me took over and helped to calm my nerves. I began to realize, Jason, you have no pain. There's no numbness or tingling anywhere. You're not short of breath. Your heart is just racing, and that is all. You're not dying, but you do need to figure out what this is right now.

With that thought, I got back in the truck, where Leslie was starting to go to pieces. She was scared and felt powerless as I sat in the passenger seat with Abby moving to the driver's seat. I don't think either of my children really understood what was happening. Leslie wanted to cry as she asked me what to do. I told her I thought I should go to a hospital. Neither of us had any clue where the closest hospital was in that area. We were in between locations from Columbia down to the lower part of the state, so I didn't know where to go. Leslie did the only thing she knew to do: she dialed 9-1-1. 

An ambulance arrived within 10 minutes of our location. Once they arrived, I exited the truck and walked up to them. Now, this is a good thing. If you can get out and walk to the paramedics, you're not in as bad shape as you think. My heart was still racing. So, the paramedics helped me into the ambulance and hooked me up to a monitor. The heart rate (HR) read 164 beats per minute (bpm). It also said Atrial Fibrillation (Afib). 

I've seen Afib on patients before, but I never expected it on myself. Certainly, it could happen, but my cardiologist said my heart was in great shape a month earlier, and I didn't have to return for 2 years. Obviously, I would be visiting my cardiologist again very soon. The paramedics said Orangeburg Regional Medical Center was the closest hospital to our location. Leslie followed us there as I took the first ambulance ride of my life. However, I was not emergent, so the lights were not turned on. That, too, is a good thing.

Being in the ambulance got me into the emergency room (ER) faster, allowing me to be seen more quickly. My HR wasn't slowing down a bit either once they connected me to the monitor. 179 bpm was what I saw at one point, but it kept bouncing around in the 140s to 160s, like an infant's heart rate. The 179 reading was the highest it went throughout this situation. For a good while, I was alone in the windowless room of the ER. Leslie and the kids were in the waiting area waiting to see when they could possibly come back. 

The nurses and provider first drew labs on me to get baseline levels and started giving me Cardizem intravenous (IV) push through a syringe in the IV line. During all of this, I still never felt pain, dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, numbness, or tingling of any kind. Just a racing heart that had lowered some to the 130s to 150s. They gave me another dose of Cardizem IV push to try to help again, and by this time, my family could join me in the room. We had been there for about an hour, and the provider said they would start a Cardizem drip on me because my heart was not slowing down much. I was still in Afib. So, the nurse started the drip, and in between, they also gave me an Amylodarone bolus. This actually helped get my heart rate to bounce between 99 to 120. I thought for a minute that might right the ship. But then the nurse let me know another thing from my lab work.

I was COVID-19 positive.

All of my other labwork was perfectly normal. Liver enzymes, complete blood count, and basic metabolic profile were all within normal limits. The only things that were off were my HR and COVID. This would mark the second time I had COVID-19 since the pandemic began. Of course, that probably meant my whole family had it too. There wasn't much we could do at this point, being over two hours away from home. All we could do now was deal with what had been presented in front of us.

The provider then came in to talk to me. With my HR still in the 120s-130s, they said they couldn't send me home and would have to admit me for continued observation on the Cardizem drip. My first hospital stay that didn't involve work. I had spent many nights in a hospital working and caring for patients, but never as a patient myself. This was a totally new experience for me. That also depressed me.

I couldn't believe the situation I was in. I had accepted it, but I hated it. I hated myself for it. Somewhere along the way, I had picked up COVID. Because of my report the month before, I felt COVID was the culprit for this Afib issue. I was horribly disappointed in myself because I thought I was doing all I could to prevent getting COVID. I took all the vaccines to that point. I wore masks and supported leaders encouraging masks. I practiced social isolation for many months early in the pandemic and even throughout. Yet, here I was with COVID causing a big issue. But I stayed calm, all I could do, and worked with the staff there to determine how to help.

The staff at Orangeburg Regional Medical Center were exceptional. They did all they could to help me, ease my concerns, and treat me as best they could. I was truly grateful. They eventually moved me to a hospital room where I could settle in for the night. Once I arrived at the unit, they connected a heparin drip to me to help reduce the risk of a clot forming and causing a stroke. When you have Afib, a stroke is more likely. It doesn't mean a stroke will happen, but they must take precautions.

So, eventually, we all settled in for the night. My family had to stay elsewhere because only one person could have stayed, so I sat in the bed alone.

I did talk to my mom on the phone, who was worried sick about me, to the point she wanted to come down there. I told her there was no point in that, as I was stable and hooked to the drip. I wasn't in any immediate danger. But I was depressed. I told my mom how I felt.

I felt like a failure.

My mom told me I was in no way, shape, or form a failure. I needed to stop thinking like that and think about all that I had accomplished. The loving family I have, the career I've got, my faith, all good things. It didn't change the fact I still felt like a failure. I felt like a failure because I let my family down about the trip. I let my colleagues down about the conference. I didn't take care of myself like I should have for years, leading to my sugar issues now. I didn't do enough to protect myself or my family from COVID. Then I started into how I don't do well enough at work, whether it was Clemson, AnMed, or anywhere I've ever been. Everything that had been bothering me the previous months and years came up, whether it was financial, career, or life. Then I brought up how my mom had told me once that a doctor had told her that because of my mother's hormonal imbalance she had when she was younger, I probably should have never been. At that moment, I said to my mom, "Maybe I should have never been. Then I wouldn't be a burden now."

My mom wanted me to stop that! That instant! She talked to me a bit more, but I wasn't hearing it like I should. I was too busy wallowing in my own self-pity. She prayed with me, told me I needed to pray, and asked God to help me. I needed to stop thinking so negatively and look at all my blessings to this point in life. I was going to move beyond this, too. It would just take time. I heard that last thing from my mom. After we got off the phone, I did pray to God.

I asked Jesus to help me. Please, Jesus, slow my heart down and let it be back the way it was again. Please help me with my mindset. Please help me be positive and believe things will get better. Please help me with my feelings of hate, regret, anger, and focusing on so many negative things, many of which were out of my control. Please just help me, Jesus, I just need you. Like my mom said, you're always there and always guiding. I believed my dreams were from Jesus, trying to help me with the sugar concerns that were to come. I believed He wanted me to do more to help others. I believed he had a purpose for me that goes beyond what I can imagine. I just thanked Jesus for being there with me and prayed for a good rest of the night and rest if I could.

Then, on July 14, 2023, at 12:46 AM, the feeling in my chest was gone. Everything felt "normal." I looked up at the monitor and watched it for a few minutes. All it said was HR 62. There was no Afib label on it. The rhythm looked nice, easy, and smooth, or what we call Normal Sinus Rhythm (NSR). My heart had converted.

All I could say was, "Thank you, Jesus."

Tune in next week for 10: Satanic Attacks.

10: Good as Can Be

Ever heard of the 23 Enigma? You've probably heard of Number 23, a film starring Jim Carrey. This isn't in reference to the film. It's more about the uncanny circumstances surrounding the number 23. The number can have good or bad significance depending on how people view circumstances or coincidences. Of course, the number has mystical significance in pop culture beyond human understanding. But in reality, it's just another number.

I used to love a good conspiracy theory, even the movie with Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts in 1997. Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard) played the villain. But I learned from that movie that conspiracy theories have no basis in reality most of the time. Movies, of course, present that the conspiracy is real. But in real life, conspiracies would take a mountain of effort bigger than Olympus Mons on Mars to make them work. Whether the conspiracy is JFK, September 11, QANON, or the Moon Landing, you must remember the amount of effort it would take to pull it off. I read somewhere once that, in the case of the moon landing, it would have taken over 50,000 people to pull off the so-called hoax and trick the public into believing the United States landed on the moon in 1969. Someone would have slipped up over the years. Not to mention the assumption that everyone in America and other parts of the world are completely gullible. Not everyone is like George McFly. On July 20, 1969, two people stepped on the moon for all humanity, and that's it. No big conspiracy. No trickery. No Industrial Light and Magic. No, Captain Kirk. It was human ingenuity.

The latest conspiracy theory has been Atlantis and the Eye of the Sahara. I have to admit, I've been intrigued by the notion that the Eye of the Sahara is possibly the lost civilization of Atlantis, but the person pontificating this theory is a huge conspiracy theorist. If they just focused on searching for Atlantis, like many academics would do, the journey would have relevance and gain traction in research circles. But soon, the conspiracies not associated with Atlantis start coming up, over and over again, from this person. That notion of bringing up conspiracies lessens the efforts this person puts into researching Atlantis and trying to prove it exists. I'm still hopeful they prove Atlantis existed, but convincing anyone of its authenticity may take a long time.

So, what does this have to do with my blood sugars and the number 23 for me? Well, my next A1c check was on May 23, 2023. Naturally, my conspiring thought processes took over and started making me think negative things. That's another problem with conspiracies; they create loads of negativity sometimes. It is very easy to get lost in it, and in my own case, I had already shown anxiety and concerns over a slightly elevated A1c in the Fall of 2021. So, seeing the number 23 involved made me start thinking momentary negative thoughts.

That was until I read a devotion. That's what is so good about Jesus. He always has an answer out there waiting for you, whether you're receptive to it or not. The Bible verse that day said, "Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself."-Philippians 2:3.

Check your motives. That's a big statement to make to conspiracy theorists as well. Most of the time, the motive behind a good conspiracy is your personal gain. 

When it comes to my sugar issues, yes, they are issues that I have to work through daily. But I need to sometimes check my motives about why I'm doing what I do. If it is just something for me to boast about like I'm saying I'm really fit, look at me, or potentially make another feel bad in the process, then I'm not doing this for the right reasons.

Like with this blog, the main reason I do it is to tell a story about how I've worked through things so that it might help someone else working through sugar concerns of their own. We all can use a helping hand sometimes, so providing an outlet is essential for anyone working through a process they don't always understand. I certainly do not understand everything there is to know about Diabetes, but I have knowledge and actions that might help. I feel like that is what God wants me to do.

So, for the May 23 A1c check, it was just another day, and my mindset following graduation was one of joy and believing everything would work out the way God had intended. That was the case because, on this day, my A1c was 5.6 again.

I was excited but mostly humbled for it to return to normal, now with the goal of trying to keep it at the same level by November 2023. All my other blood work looked great, save for a slightly elevated Glucose of 117. None of us knew why, but for some reason, it was up a bit that morning. It happens.

Beyond May 23rd, I also went to see my cardiologist in June. At that visit, my vital signs and EKG were all normal, and because of that, I was told I would not have to return to the cardiologist again for 2 years. This was such a significant moment that the scheduler at the desk, when I was leaving, made the comment, "We don't see that one much." I was stoked! A great A1c, and my heart was in great shape after the events of Spring 2022. My stress was much lower; I was working on things that made me happy, and the summer was just beginning. This was As Good As It Gets (to steal a movie title).

Human ingenuity is a fun thing to think about. Particularly about the ancient past. I would love to believe that a super advanced ancient civilization did exist, like Atlantis, but the truth is that humans have been advanced for some time. We marvel at how ancient people did things and how those structures still stand today. Humans are good at making things, without a doubt. Whatever you put your mind to, you can accomplish, as George told Marty er Marty told George, and now time travel has me all confused about where it began.

If we went back in time, we'd see exactly how things unfolded, which may be the reason we can't. It's not important how things happened, but that we learn from them. Unfortunately, those ancient buildings and such have started to fade or have been destroyed. It's more important to learn what caused their demise than what brought them into being sometimes. Because when you least expect it, something can shatter what you perceive. That can happen as fast as a heart rate that is out of control.

Tune in next time for 10: COVID AFIB.

 

10: Swamp Rabbits, Grants, and Graduations, OH MY!

So, after a kidney of fire, another 5.8 A1c, COVID-19, ER visits, and a lot of stress, it was time to simmer down some in the early months of 2023. 

Honestly, I had been to the ER as many times in the past 8 months as I had the previous 8 years, and 2023 had only just begun. February 1, 2023, was when I found out everything was okay with my kidney, and I didn't have to return for a year for a simple follow-up visit in February 2024.

Knowing everything is back to "normal " is a relief, reducing anxiety greatly. But this February was a bit different than in 2022. I didn't have the dissertation lording over me night and day as the clock ticked down on my time in the PhD program. Instead, all I had to look forward to were celebrations!

Amid those celebrations, which were peaks, also came valleys. For everything that was positive that happened during the rest of the winter and into the spring, something negative would accompany it close behind, and sometimes it would be in reverse. For instance, after finding out my kidney was okay, I discovered I could no longer do social media for the School of Nursing. Another thing that happened was finding out the car we bought six months earlier needed major mechanical issues that I couldn't afford then. That led to us having to make financial changes where we traded in all of our cars and got newer ones to replace them. We did get pretty good deals.

This trend of positives with negatives, or negatives preceding positives, kept happening all throughout the rest of the year and into summer. I earned my first grant but got the next one rejected. I got abstracts accepted for presentations, only to find out I couldn't attend. I had articles rejected for publication, only to have others accepted. We got a new puppy, Mando (short for Mandalorian, our new Chocolate Lab), only to have our daughter Abby playing with him one day as she ran and broke her toe during the interaction. The list goes on and on.

None of these things were life-altering, but they created stress. All these interactions reminded me of a time as a child that epitomized stressful ups and downs. One day in particular, a man came to my parent's shop to try and sell pot holders.

I was probably nine years old when this occurred. I was at my parent's shop, Innervisions, playing there that afternoon after being dropped off by Niney on her way to play Bingo. This was pretty much a tradition for many years as Niney went out with her friends to enjoy the evening sometimes. Nothing significant happened that day except me milling around the business, playing with toys, or doing homework like I typically did. Until this man walked into the shop.

When I saw him, I immediately knew he was different. He had some form of developmental issue, kind of like Down Syndrome. But what I could tell of him, he seemed nice. I could just tell by his eyes and the shape of his face something was different. I remember he saw me on the stairs, and I said hello to him. He said hello back and then proceeded into other parts of the shop. So, I followed him. I watched how he interacted with everyone as he approached them. Immediately, I realized he was trying to sell pot holders. He held them up for someone working in the shop to look at, sometimes even showing them to customers. The first people he asked were nice but politely declined. He moved on to the next people and had the same result. I followed him into another part of the shop, and he asked some more workers, to which they all replied very nicely they did not want to purchase any pot holders.

I remember going to the stairs in the front and watching him go across the foyer into another room to ask, and I thought, Can't someone buy a pot holder from him? He was so nice, and I felt bad for him because no one would buy one. Not one customer or worker at the shop would buy one. I also believed he might need the money because of how he looked. Maybe even for doctor's bills. I saw him leave the room he went in, once again rejected. I was deflated.

He started going up the stairs towards where my parents were working. I thought, My parents will buy one from him, I just know it. He proceeded into their room, and then I heard my parents decline to purchase a pot holder. When I saw him departing the building, I could barely hold in my agony for him. As he opened the door to exit and it closed behind him, I went to pieces.

I went downstairs to the back kitchen area and sat at the table, completely depressed and crying. Eventually, my mom and some other workers at the shop walked in and saw me sitting there crying. My mom immediately asked what was wrong. All I could say was, "I just wanted someone to buy a pot holder from that man." Instantly, everyone in earshot let out a collective AWWWWWW.

I didn't know who that man was or what his life was about, I just cared for him, and the positives in that moment were that everyone was very nice to him, but the negatives were that no one would help him. All I wanted was for someone to help him, just one.

All I wanted in the springtime was for just one thing to be positive, only positive, and cling to it. I thought if I could have that only positive thing, it might reduce my stress and help me stay focused on what I needed to do with my diet. After all, I needed to do well with my eating habits leading up to May 23rd, especially since the end of February. One positive occurring that was only positive was running the Swamp Rabbit 5K for the first time. I loved this course. Running on the trail and then through downtown Greenville was so fun. My time wasn't as good as the Electric City Gobbler back in November, but I was very satisfied, considering what I had been through with the kidney stone. 

The next thing that was positive was working on my very first grant. I was awarded the grant in March 2023 and spent the months that followed working with my research team to set up the experience for the study. It filled me with great joy to have that experience and everything that has come since with the study.

The last thing before the next A1c check that happened that was positive was my graduation. Finally, celebrating this monumental achievement in my life at commencement was the greatest positive thing that could have happened. It certainly made up for all the pot holders that weren't purchased. I remember my parents and their coworkers all saying they would definitely buy a pot holder from that man if he ever returned. Fortunately, he did come back; sure enough, people were buying pot holders left and right that day. That was a big positive for me as a kid too. 

All I've ever wanted to do is help people, and help them feel better, even as a child. These three moments epitomized the positivity I needed leading up to the next A1c check, helping me stay focused on what I needed to do to help myself, while being able to help others. But at graduation, something divine happened that really made it clear how positive and important this moment truly was for me, my family, and even my classmate. 

Tune in next time for 10: Divine Commencement.

10: Ups and Downs Into Darkness

 

This Star Trek: The Next Generation scene summarizes what happened after November 18, 2021. Data struggled after losing a game to a biological creature, an alien. Data being an android did not feel he should have lost. He made all the correct moves and did everything right from his calculations, but ultimately, he lost the game. He could not process this failure and questioned all of his capabilities, including serving aboard the Enterprise. In this scene, Picard had to remind Data of his duties with the quote above, more sternly as a captain would. Data had to recognize that we all lose sometimes. Such is life.

While living with diabetes, I convinced myself it was possible to eliminate the problem. To win no matter what. I was going to beat this with no issues, and although it seemed to be heading that way, there was one thing standing in my way--vanity. Remember that word? Data experienced it too. Self-pity makes you do strange things sometimes. You start questioning everything. But all self-pity represents is another form of vanity. When your ego can't take what has happened. "Definitely my favorite sin." Always keep that quote in mind.

It broke my heart that day to see my A1c go up, especially with all the work I had put in to accomplish my goal of staying healthy. Coupled with increasing the Glucophage, I felt utterly defeated. Never mind all of the other accomplishments I had made. All of my other numbers were excellent. My weight was exactly where I wanted it. I was about to run my third 5K that year at the Electric City Gobbler, yet another race under 29 minutes for my time on Thanksgiving Day, but none of that mattered.

The A1c went up! I have to take more medicine! Woes me.

It's the same response as remembering how the Atlanta Braves of the 1990s lost 4 World Series instead of always thinking about the 1 championship they did win and, of course, all of the team's other accomplishments. They should have won more. That is a bad thought process spurred by worldly nonsense.

In this case, I was giving in to the worldly nonsense myself instead of enjoying the accomplishments I had made, much like Data.

With my Glucophage being increased, that unnerved me. I convinced myself I'll have to start eating more. That was probably not true, but that's what I did anyway.

But the worst part was the next day.

I did something I hadn't done before after my visit with my provider in April 2021. I donated blood to the Clemson/South Carolina Blood Drive. This blood drive is an annual event set up right before Clemson and South Carolina play each other in the Palmetto State Bowl at the end of the football season. It's all part of Rivalry Week in College Football. I had never donated to this event, so I looked forward to doing so for the first time.

I loved donating blood. The gift of life or a chance to save one. Those slogans are a mix of the common ones I see. I have been giving blood almost annually since working at AnMed Health. I even gave during the height of the Covid Pandemic in the Fall of 2020. So, giving blood when I was perfectly healthy in November 2021 seemed like a great idea. My hemoglobin was still excellent, and I was feeling good. However, I couldn't shake some of the negativity in my mind, and something was telling me not to give blood that day. Probably because of self-pity.

However, my blood wasn't coming out like it should during the donation. The phlebotomist kept having to move the needle around in my arm to try and help, but that only hindered me. Eventually, I had a vagal response.  What that means is the pain of the needle moving, combined with a lower amount of blood, started making my blood pressure drop. I began to feel woozy and had tunnel vision. I turned pale and almost passed out. They put all of these fans on me and lowered the head of the bed I was in to help send blood back up to my heart. It was a terrifying experience I had never had when donating blood. Because of this experience, I've never given blood again. This was only the beginning of the negative things I was letting in, and it was only a day after the higher A1c result.

I got to feeling better that weekend and ran my 5K the next week, again doing well and feeling good. Amidst all this turmoil with the slightly higher A1c, I was also stressing pretty well. I had defended my proposal for my PhD, but now I had to submit the IRB application to conduct the study. That process was not nearly as involved, but I had a deadline to get it done by the beginning of December. I also threw in earning certification for the first time, as if I needed something else to occupy my time. However, I earned my Certified Healthcare Simulation Educator certification, also known as CHSE, pronounced "chessy."  I was proud of all that I had done by the end of November, but in league with the negatives of the higher A1c, the blood donation gone wrong, and being overly stressed finally took its toll.

My heart skipped a beat that day in early December.

This took me completely off guard and scared the life out of me that day. It kept happening too. I contacted my provider to let them know what was happening. They were very helpful, trying to get me to calm down more than anything. What was happening was known as a PVC. Premature Ventricular Contraction. A PVC gives the impression of fluttering of the heart. It can sometimes feel like racing or even like your heart skips a beat. For a brief instant, you get this sensation as if your heart stops, then starts back up again. It's unnerving the first time you feel one.

I've had palpitations before, once when I got really dehydrated during the summer while out walking the kids as they sat in a stroller. That was my bad for not drinking enough water before, during, and after.

This, too, was my fault that day in December.

I had worked myself up into a frenzy worrying about this A1c. How could I do everything right, and this ends up being the result?

Deep down, something was trying to tell me to chill, but I didn't want to listen to it. My vanity wouldn't let me settle down. I think the point of this is to illustrate how our mindset can shift very quickly. When it does, it's because you let it. I let myself get carried away, and I had to regroup. The problem is that regrouping would take several months to achieve.

My stress level was so high by December 2021. I knew I had to finish my PhD by July 1, 2022, or was out of the program. That's right! If I didn't finish by July, I didn't earn the degree I had been pursuing for almost 7 years at that point. I was also trying to apply for a new position at Clemson and kept stressing about that. I needed to begin my study no later than February 2022 if I wanted to get done in time to defend my dissertation and complete my degree. I still had all of my usual stressors of family, work, and life, with these added on, and managing sugar issues. Let's not forget Omicron variant showed up too about this time and wreaked havoc well into 2022, although in no way near as deadly as the variants that came before it. 

All of this was enough to stress anyone out, but I was letting one thing drive my stress. A slightly elevated A1c. Two-tenths of a point was all it took to drive my mindset backward. 5.8 isn't even bad, folks. It isn't even bad and something you can fix easily. But it would take its toll on me in the weeks ahead as I headed further down that rabbit hole, descending further into darkness until heartache commenced. My only hope was that I would get it together, much like Data, and realize a new plan of action.

Stay tuned for the next segment, 10: Ups and Downs of Heartache.

10: My Exercise Routine

 "We're going to pump...you up!"

Whenever I think of working out, I always think of that Saturday Night Live (SNL) comedy skit with Dana Carvey, where they poked some fun at Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1980s. I loved Ah-nold even more. Watching his movies, whether it was The Terminator films, Commando, Predator, Twins, Total Recall, or True Lies, I reveled in the action films he starred in and couldn't wait for the next. He was my hero growing up, and I wanted to be just like him one day.

My physique didn't work out to an Arnold style as I had hoped, mainly because lifting weights was not my thing. My wife loves working out at the gym, which is ironic. I had the perfect opportunity for many years to go and work out with her but chose not to. What I loved doing for a workout was running.

I loved running all through high school, with my first year of cross country starting in Fall 1990 as an eighth grader. I was awful that year with running. That's a relative comparison for using the word awful, as all my times in eighth grade were faster than I run now. But they were horrible for competitive cross country as a teenager in school.

That fall was my rookie year running cross country, and for almost every race, I finished dead last. Towards the end of the season, I finally beat a few people and was so proud. Frankly, as I ran, I never actually thought about competing. It never dawned on me that I was even racing sometimes. I just wanted to run and did the best I could every time.

For that reason, years later, when I needed to lose weight, I began running again with the Midnight Flight 5K in 2010. I was nearly 90 lbs heavier than when I ran in high school for the final time. I had a lot of work to do to get my weight and time back down to a more reasonable level. I was successful at doing that too. I dropped my weight by over 30 lbs and recorded the fastest time I had in recent years during a 5K at the Midnight Flight in 2012 at 25:56. This time was still over 2 minutes slower than my fastest time in eighth grade, for reference. But it was the best I could do, and I felt good.

I felt differently by March 2019, however. I was heavier in 2019 than in 2010 and older than in 2010, which showed in my running ability. As I mentioned in a prior post, I had all but given up on running by the summer of 2019, and it was done by 2020. What could have been better was my motivation to do any working out. By March 2021, I hadn't lifted weights since 2005 and hadn't run since June 2019. My walking efforts could have been better too. Although I sometimes did 30-minute walks, those were becoming fewer and far between. Sometimes I would only walk for 15 or even 10 minutes. My exercise routine had become less and less since 2019. Many of my constituents would have said back then that I was good about healthy habits. They really hadn't been watching closely. In fact, many people I knew didn't consider me overweight, but I knew I was, and I knew it wasn't getting any better. By spring 2021, I was in the worst shape of my life.

When I went to my provider, they said I needed to work out at least 3-4 times a week, for an hour each time. To many, that might seem like a more complex challenge than diet, but to me, this was the more straightforward part. My provider said walking was good, but I needed to step it up. No more 10-15 minute walks. They all needed to be a minimum of 30 minutes. I also needed to add on resistance. This meant lifting weights, which I hadn't done in a while. The good news is I had the tools and the talent to do this.

I already had a bench and weights at home and decided to use those. Leslie, my workout queen, showed me some routines to help build my muscles. I did this one workout routine I nicknamed The Gauntlet (inspired by the name of the river rapids from The River Wild).

For this routine, I did a set of 10 reps of tricep presses, bicep lifts, and shoulder extensions. This was after doing 3 sets of 10 reps on bench presses and leg extensions. My weight was light, but I wasn't trying to become Arnold. I just needed the resistance my provider wanted me to do.

On top of the weight lifting, I was now putting a plan of action into effect for my walking exercise. I was going to close the rings on my smartwatch daily.

The Apple smartwatch has an activity tracker that measures how many calories you burn doing movement throughout the day, along with a minimum 30-minute workout and standing at least 12 times a day. This is a nice feature, but I have mentioned that I HATED this watch. I only bought it to have one like others because I never really wanted to use the activity app. In fact, since purchasing the watch in August 2018, through March 31, 2021, I had successfully closed all of my circles for an entire week only twice. There were sporadic days where I completed my rings entirely for all three activities, but many times I did not, especially the movement ring. Movement drove me nuts! I needed to burn 910 calories daily to close the circle for my height and build. That was maddening to look at. I would go outside and walk for 30 minutes at least, and that blasted movement ring would be half closed. So infuriating.

On top of the movement ring I loathed, I got tired of my watch reminding me to stand. It's time to stand up! No, it's not! I'm using the bathroom, you stupid watch!

I had legit arguments with this watch, sometimes where people could see me. I got some looks and knew it was time to stop doing that.

But in March 2021, my smartwatch was my new friend. I knew this device was the best way to help motivate me to lose weight and improve my activity. So, I deduced, based on what my provider said, that if I strive to do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, this would help with my weight, my sugars, and my well-being. If I had to do 1 hour 3-4 times a week, doing 30 minutes 7 days a week would work. I planned to walk at least 30 minutes daily, no matter how much I had worked that day. For instance, while working with students at the hospital that summer, I did an hour of workout walking all over the hospital to check on them. Nurses walk a lot when we work, but it adds up less to the movement than you might think. Sure, you get a bunch of steps, but sometimes the movement ring just wasn't closing enough. Remember, 910 calories minimum had to be burned. So, regardless of the amount of time I walked at work, I chose to still do a 30-minute workout afterward of walking.

My primary goal with the watch was to close my circles daily for one year. I wanted to show that for 365 days straight, I was closing all of my rings. I knew if I did this, coupled with my diet changes, I would lose weight, get my sugars under control, and feel a lot better. That was the goal, and I stuck to it from April 4, 2021, until April 3, 2022. We'll talk more about that later.

But you may ask, what does this have to do with running? All I have talked about since opening with how much I loved running is a weight lifting and walking exercises.

In May of 2021, we had a church youth retreat at our home, cooking out hamburgers and enjoying some post-COVID festivities. This event was the first time we held such a thing since the fall of 2017 due to weather and COVID-related issues. During that event, however, we played kickball. Leslie and I joined in to have a little fun, and I was having a blast playing something I probably hadn't done since middle school.

Amid that fun, though, I noticed one thing. I was running around and felt great! My legs felt good. I was breathing easily. I felt wonderful.

It got me thinking, could I run 5Ks again?

So, after that event, I started training to run a 5K. My goal was to run in America's 5K in Anderson. This 5K was the Race the Rainbow 5K in March, which I had last run in 2019. In fact, that race was the final one I ran in ever. The race administrators changed the timeframe of the race to summer and the July 4th celebrations. I was stoked! I was going to run another race again, and it was the one I had done before when I believed my running days were over.

I believed for this race, I had nothing to lose. I would do what I had always done-go run and do the best I can.

I trained for several weeks, running a few times a week but trying not to overdo it. I didn't want to run like I had in my thirties because I was getting back into this. So, much of my mileage was short, typically going between 1 to 2 miles. I could do whatever I needed during a race for the last mile. I ran with a group once in June that year in downtown Anderson, where the race would be held, and did a 3-mile run that evening. It was delightful. I ran with a guy, and we talked the whole way, enjoying the run and did the 3 miles in 30 minutes. That was my goal, and I was so happy about it.

When the day of the 5K came, I couldn't believe how fast everyone else was, and I thought I was really moving too. In fact, because I was going so quickly, I pulled a muscle in my calf before I reached half a mile out. I was limping along a little bit but still able to maintain much of the speed I was at for the race. I enjoyed this as much as I had before 2019, and I even had a picture illustrating how well I was doing.

I was running along smoothly in this image and feeling good despite the pull in my calf. This image starkly contrasts the last time I ran this course 2 years earlier. You can see that image again below.

The timeframe was colder than in early July, but this image from March 2019 shows my body's excess weight, and I appear to be struggling more. In the picture above, I'm working solidly and doing my best. I seem more healthy too.

In March 2019, it took me nearly 40 minutes to run the same course I ran on July 3, 2021. That day in July, I ran the race at 28:20 for an almost 12-minute improvement. My diet and exercise routine allowed me to do the races again, which I loved so much. I felt amazing that day, inspiring me to sign up for more 5Ks after this one. From July 2021 through today, I've run in 11 5Ks and 2 1-mile runs. You'll probably hear more about these and other things about running in the weeks ahead, but this was a monumental achievement for me to run again and as fast as I once had before 2017. A knee injury began to limit me some in 2017, contributing to my running days being over. Now, they are in full swing.

You've learned how I managed my diet and exercise routine, but the next segment will be the mentality I had to use to succeed in all of this. It involved two things, positivity, and Christ.

Tune in next time for 10: Change of Mindset.