10: The Future...

“All good things must come to an end.”

 

Poignant words spoken by the character Q in the final episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. But it is a true quote, because all things do eventually end. That’s why today’s blog is the final blog of 10 that I’ll be posting for a while.

 

As I sit here on the beach at Surfside, a place my family has frequented for nearly 40 years now, it seems only appropriate that this would be the setting for my final entry in this tale.

“It’s been a long road, getting from there to here,” as the lyrics of the short-lived Star Trek: Enterprise series once had for the opening credits. I always thought that was a unique way to start a new series, way back when. It certainly has been a long road for me on this journey of living with diabetes. Now encompassing 3 years since I first receive the phone call that ill-fated morning on a rainy, March day. But that day spawned something different me that has resonated throughout the years since.

 

It's never been about the destination, but the journey. Going to the beach is always fun, in fact more fun sometimes that reaching the beach altogether. The camaraderie with family and friends, the laughs, the blessings of being with those you love cannot be overstated. That’s what makes a journey so great. Of course, there are sad moments, angry moments, scary ones too. A journey is never one way or the other. It ebbs and flows just like the tides, washing in and out.

 

When I think back about this journey, I sometimes don’t think of it as a linear timeframe. I think more about the unknown possibilities of existence. What if?... is another favorite show of mine from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The decisions we make can, and probably do, create alternate universes where something different happened there from the reality we know. I sometimes wonder where my life would be right now at the A1c of 10 never occurred? My most common thought goes to the decision to go to Employee Health for what ended up being the final time. What if I had chosen to skip again, like I had in 2019 and 2020? Of course, another possibility comes to mind as this was the last employee check-up provided by AnMed Health. The hospital ceased doing birthday check-ups on employees in 2022. So, what if that had happened a year earlier? Would I have had greater complications that would have been irreversible? Would I even be alive today?

 

You can what if yourself into a quandary if you allow it. But that is where faith comes into play. Jesus said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, there’s enough worry today.” He’s perfectly right. What happened occurred the only way it could for me, from a more linear perspective. It was the story of my life and the direction it was meant to go. The reason? It led me closer to God.

 

So, over the past 15 months I’ve embrace the path that Jesus set me on to tell the tale of this journey. It’s been a wonderful experience filled with pitfalls and possibilities ripe with promises of a joy and hope. I’ve been able to share how my battle living with diabetes has shaped me into the man I am now. How COVID can wreak havoc in ways we might always believe possible, but ultimately learn are true. How a person can change their fortune by simply having faith in something greater than themselves. I’ve had many blessings over the past 3 years that have helped me greatly with my body, my mind, and my spirit.

As I sit here typing, sand between my toes, I ponder another what if. I remember thinking this past fall would I ever go to the beach again? Last year, of course, was the issue with Afib and the fear, anxiety it caused me taking months to recover from. I was truly scared to travel anywhere again for months. What if I had allowed that fear to grip me completely? I was so petrified of driving, at times I was afraid to simply drive to work. Several times I had to call my wife or my mom to talk me through an issue I was having driving my truck. I was that scared of what had happened. I didn’t want to do anything to make it happen again.

 

This issue with Afib could have set me back greatly, had I let it. But, again, God showed me the way through that ordeal. Now, I’m sitting on a beach with my family, enjoying the breeze and the waves, feeling like a kid again. So many times I have come to this beach with Maw Maw and Paw Paw, my parents, Niney, Nick, Travis, my in-laws Jim and Brenda, and of course Leslie and our kids, Abby and Charlie. There’s truly never been a better place to be for me. I remember the first time I came to the beach at the condo at Surfside, in December 1986. I was 9 years old, and this place looked massive. But it was so beautiful, I couldn’t have imagined wanting to be anywhere else. Many times we have come here over the past 38 years. The condo has endured a lot in that time, between storms, winds, rain, high tides, and hurricanes, but it still goes on. The outside colors have changed, but the structure remains the same. The furniture is new, but the atmosphere never grows old. The familiar sounds of the past echo through the halls of the new.

 

That’s the journey that matters the most. Cherishing those moments that come and pass, with hope for the future. In the summer of 1990, Back to the Future III came out that had a wonderful statement from Doc Brown at the end:

That statement epitomizes the future for us all, and especially the future of my life living with diabetes. I may never do away with the condition, but I can certainly learn to live with it. Over the past year and half I have been living well with diabetes with A1cs 5.6 or less. Doing that helps me greatly, and hopefully will guide me towards a future filled with prosperity knowing I’m doing all I can to help myself and others. That’s always been the point of this blog, to share my journey with all of you in the hopes it will help someone else through theirs. So, whether you are working through diabetes, anxiety, Afib, a heart attack, back concerns, a cancer diagnosis, all of these things can be navigated equally the same through the thoughts and feelings I’ve shared with you. Because at the center of it all is Jesus, helping me understand my place in this world so I can carry on forward to the future He has set.

 

With that, I hope you all have a wonderful week yourselves, coming on the heels of Father’s Day. Love those around you with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul. I know my journey is nowhere near complete, but much like Star Trek: The Next Generation, “All good things must come to an end.” As this blog ends, my journey continues. Perhaps sometime in the future I’ll return with more stories to tell of the journey. But for now I want to focus on that which matters most in the image below.

“See you out there…

10: One Another, Part 5

My favorite group to be with throughout the years. Leslie, Abby, and Charlie. This final segment of the One Another blog goes out to my family. My Puka, Boomer, and Buck.

I remember when we went to Philadelphia. We had so much fun staying in the hotel downtown. While I attended the conference, Leslie and the kids explored the area. Of course, staying close to the hotel until I could join them. We visited the Liberty Bell and walked the streets of Philadelphia as I sang the Bruce Springsteen song until my whole family wanted me to be quiet, as did some passersby. My favorite part of the trip was going to the stadium complex on the city's outskirts, where all the sports franchises resided. We got to go to Citizen's Bank Park and watch the Phillies play the Atlanta Braves. Of all the teams that could be in town that weekend, the irony was that it was my beloved Bravos. Then we got lost on the metro, meaning we took the wrong one. We just about reached New York because of it, but we found our way back home.

That's the beauty of being lost with the ones you love. At least you're together. Eventually, something will lead you back home. 

I was lost in my overindulgence with gluttony. Drinking all the sweet tea. Eating whatever I wanted. Many of those issues stemmed from being stressed about things beyond my control. One thing I did have, though, were cheerleaders in my back pocket. Leslie and the kids did all they could to help me, but I wouldn't always let them. I let everything bother me instead of relying on my family and God to help me. For instance, look at these two pictures from Halloween. The first one is from Halloween 2019. Leslie looks like her usual beautiful self and as far removed from a witch as anyone can be. The kids look lovely, too. As for me, I'm filling out the Ghostbusters outfit pretty well. A little too well. I was the heaviest I've ever been at that point, heading into 2020. Pictures like this should have been a wake-up call for me, but they weren't. I was too preoccupied with the stressors going on around me that I would just eat and eat as if I were still 17 and didn't gain a pound.

But look at the next picture. This pic is from Halloween 2021. The Ghostbusters outfit is the same one from 2019, and look at the difference in my weight. By Halloween that year, I had lost 30 lbs from where I started at the doctor's office in April, and more than that since 2020. However, much of the initial weight loss was from diabetes taking its toll on my body. By October 2021, though, I was in better shape, feeling good, and had diabetes under control. The belt was the sign. In 2019, which you can't see, the belt was stretched as far as it could go to fit around my abdomen. In 2021, look at all the excess left hanging. Leslie still looks the same because she continues to do things to help herself through diet and exercise. The kids had grown some and continue to do so, but they, too, tried to help me see better ways of doing things.

When I told my family the news of my sugar issues, I remember what Abby did. She saw how the news had bothered me. I told them I had to give up Sweet Tea, which was hard then. When Abby heard that, she quit drinking Sweet Tea too. I told Abby she didn't have to do that. I told her she was still young and could enjoy things if she wanted to. But she didn't like knowing her Daddy couldn't have it anymore, so she didn't want it either. That made me cry that my baby girl, my Boomer, loved me so much that she was willing to give up something she liked to help me.

Charlie was much more concerned about my heart issues that happened in 2023. He usually sits beside me on the couch at night, playing away on his iPad. But he would ask me many questions about my heart and what I experienced. Charlie is curious about many things. But what I love talking to him about more is space and God. Charlie has a simple way of looking at things sometimes. He likes to deal with facts. That will make him a good researcher one day if he chooses that route. In some ways, he helped me see the facts of my heart situation. I would think about things he said and others during the fall of 2023. I began to realize that this situation could have been much worse and the anxiety I was feeling was simply a by-product of what happened. In time, Charlie's calming demeanor was something I latched on to, and I tried to start doing myself some. I'm more high-strung than he is and more like his sister. The sibling rivalry is strong in these two. But seeing how he responded to things helped me see things better.

But that brings me to my beautiful bride. My Puka. She's truly been with me through thick and thin. Especially a whole box of Thin Mints. Aren't Girl Scout Cookies the absolute best? But I've learned not to splurge so much on them like Leslie eats parts of her meals. However, one thing Leslie has taught me a lot about is exercise. She's shown me the importance of working out and how it benefits you. She's been a stalwart when it comes to fitness. One of the greatest things about 2023 for me was when Leslie began working at the YMCA, where she could help others begin their fitness journeys. She's a great hair stylist, but I know how much she loves working out. She's helped me see the importance of it, and I know she helps others, too.

The biggest thing Leslie, Abby, and Charlie have shown me throughout this journey is love. Their love has been something I've clung tightly to, allowing me to overcome all obstacles. That love was given to them by Jesus and is shared by them in the same way He would. They are a blessing to my life, and I thank God daily for having them by my side.

And that's a wrap for the One Another segment of the blog. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have in writing it. Tune in next time for the next segment, 10: The Journey of Fun.

 

10: One Another, Part 3

 

My mom posted this picture a few weeks ago, showing me, my dad, and her together at the beach for my first trip. That's a blessing I've had for my entire life to this point and hopefully one for many more years to come.

My parents, Rick and Debbie Thrift have shown me what family really means. It's truly all about love.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I texted my mom first. I was like the scared little kid trying to come to grips with something profound to me. All I wanted was my mother. A text might not have been the best way to share it, but I wasn't sure I could say it at that moment. My mom later told me her reaction to the text. She was in the grocery store shopping when she opened the message. She said she almost had to sit down from thinking about what the text meant. 

My mom has always shared stories with me throughout my life to help me along the way. One she shared had to do with me and diabetes when I was only a few months old. My grandmother, Niney, was at an educational session with my mom about diabetes, and one of the presenters suggested that diabetes was an inherited condition. They also shared that sometimes diabetes has a tendency to skip passed some generations and on to the next, meaning it might be likely when someone contracts diabetes, it could be their grandchildren who acquire the condition later. My mom recalls looking at Niney with a concerned thought; Jason could have this later on?

Niney put her hand on my mom's and said to her, "Not our baby."

Unfortunately, Niney didn't consider some of the habits I would develop in the following years. However, my parents tried to help me understand the importance of caring for yourself. But I did for this as well.

When I was a child, my parents both smoked. My mom smoked more than my dad did, but regardless, I grew up in an environment of seeing people smoke all the time. This action was common, particularly in the 1980s, before the anti-smoking campaigns began. One day, though, I was in grade school and had a nurse visit my class to tell us about concerns about smoking. I remember them talking about how it caused cancer and the adverse effects that could be brought on for everyone in a family. But the lungs they showed us stood out to me the most. The nurse had two sets of lungs, one healthy and one marred by the effects of smoking. I remember that lung like it was sitting right here in front of me now. The lung was black, dead looking, terrible. When I got home that day and saw my mom, I just had to tell her what I had seen. As a child, I was convinced my mom and dad had no idea what cigarette smoking could do to your body, particularly to your lungs. I outlined everything the nurse had shown us and explained it to my mom as best I could. After I was done explaining, my mom said to me, "I know what cigarettes do, son." With that comment from my mom, I responded, "Then why do you do it then?"

My mom told me I looked at her with disappointment, knowing she, in fact, knew how bad cigarettes were but did nothing to stop using them. From that day on, my mom and dad both decided they would quit smoking. On Martin Luther King's Birthday in 1989, my mom smoked her final cigarette, with my dad having stopped before that. Now, 35 years later, neither has smoked again.

That's family, loving one another enough to help each other. 

My parents have always helped me throughout their lives, but it's never just been about me. They help everyone. They've helped people celebrate birthdays. They've helped brides look beautiful for their weddings. They've helped people feel the best they have ever felt with a simple haircut. They've listened and offered great advice to countless people throughout their 40-year career in cosmetology. The joy they bring to others is genuine, passionate, and filled with love. An agape type of love, as they have sacrificed for others more times than I can count. 

I'm very proud to have parents like this, but more importantly, I'm blessed. I've been blessed not only to have them as guides but also to have them my whole life together, forever. They have set an example that we should do as they have done for us. A true love in Christ.

I have shared that love with my spouse, Leslie, and my children, Abby and Charlie, because I know how wonderful it has been for me. It's not to say we haven't had our ups and downs between my parents and me; that's just part of life. But we have always been centered on what matters most--love. It is a Christ thing, the love we share that binds us together in all things we do.

So, I'm glad I could help my mom and dad with their smoking. Likewise, they have helped me with my diabetes concerns. For that, I am always grateful. So grateful to them for any and everything they have ever taught me about life.

But the story doesn't stop there with them. There are still more influential factors in my life that have helped me to work through the sugar concerns I have today. 

Stay tuned for the next segment of 10: One Another, Part 4.

10: Resolutions

"Look, I'm not stupid, you know. They cannot make things like that yet."

"Not yet, not for about 40 years."

A favorite part of mine from the 1984 film The Terminator. In the scene, Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor discuss the plausibility of a cyborg, part man and part machine, coming after her from the future. That future they were both referring to is the year 2024. This year, today. Although we still have a while before we see if the future of the film could be plausible in 2029, right now, it's clear that some things were just make-believe.

It's always fun to think about what will come in the future. Because the future is unknown, we sometimes worry too much, which is probably why Jesus said not to focus on it. Most of the time, people think of all the negative possibilities that could arise, like artificial intelligence (AI) either destroying or enslaving humanity. But right now, the most sophisticated AI available can only write a paper for you and possibly trick a professor into believing it was a real person who wrote it. Hardly a humanity destroyer or an overlord.

So, instead, it is best to look at the here and now more than what the future holds. Many of the films I grew up loving have seen their years come and go now, like Blade Runner, Back to the Future II, The Island, The Terminator Franchise, and even some journeys back in time by Star Trek have been proven untrue. Our future is truly whatever we make of it, so let's make it a good one, to quote Doc Brown.

Going into 2024, I had this renewed sense of presence, and feeling of positivity, more than I ever had before. I couldn't say that for many years prior to this, especially since 2020. The year 2020 alone was completely forgettable, other than the good things you tried to focus on amidst the growing turmoil of the world. The year 2021 started with a full-on revolt in America and then my own personal health issues. The year 2022 started a sense of dread for me as well, as I was finishing my dissertation and felt all of that pressure, but I also felt a lot of negativity surrounding the year, despite any good. The year 2023 wasn't much better. Stress, anger, and uncertainty were abounding that year. Although I had no more dreams of consequence after March 2021, I felt a certain sense of uneasiness throughout 2023 that culminated in the Afib of July.

After the Afib, though, things began to change. Although stress and uncertainty were still there, I did have two moments that made me focus on something else: my blessings. First, there was the it's time comment in a sleep/wake moment, and then the dream to count my blessings. That is followed by the encounter with an angel. All of these things happened after the Afib and were progressing me in a new direction for my life. Maybe not new, but a more sustainable and important one.

Unlike with my sugar issues, where the dreams and encounters seemed like warnings of impending doom, these encounters since August 2023 have been one of hope and what is to come.

It was time for me to start believing in what is good, pure, and wholesome for my life and to not dwell on things that take away from that life. Because of that, I've done a number of things to help put myself in a better place as the calendar rolled over from December 31, 2023, to January 1, 2024.

There's more joy in my life at the start of 2024 than there has been in recent years. I'm not worrying like I once did, even a few months ago, because what good does it do anyway? I'm enjoying my time with my family more and more each day that passes. I look forward to being at work and doing my best job while supporting those around me like I never have before. I'm truly trying to be all that I can be now. I feel peaceful and content. That's not to say there still aren't moments of frustration, but I handle them better, forgive more quickly, and reason things out more rationally than before. I'm more open-minded now than I have been but with a narrow focus on what is truly important.

I say all of this because as we started 2024, I decided to make some resolutions. We all do that to some degree, typically things like losing weight or exercising more. But these resolutions I wanted to share could be life-changing in ways I might not possibly imagine until they occur. So, here is my New Year's Resolution list for 2024:

1. Be happy, assured, present, and joy-filled this year and beyond. I love the song Joy by for King and Country. I've been playing it a lot since August 2023. It fills my heart with happiness and has quite a catchy beat. Listen to it sometime when you have the chance, if you never have. 

2. Embrace the unknown possibilities. Whether it be a new way of looking at something, a new career opportunity, or a trip of a lifetime, whatever the case may be, I don't need to dwell on the how but the when. They will happen when you least expect it and be ready to embrace those opportunities when they arise.

3. Specifically for me, I want work to be good in 2024. Whether it's working with my teammates on a grant project I'm on, the members of the Virtual Reality and Nature Lab, my coworkers at the School of Nursing, or simply people at church, the organizations I serve, I want it all to go well this year. Re-ignite that passion for the profession I serve and grow stalwart nurses who can carry things forward. But most importantly, help people in sickness and in health.

4. For my family to be happy, healthy, and whole, and the chance to show God how much we love and honor Him. Back in December, my daughter professed her faith in Jesus Christ one night, and as the new year began, my son did the same. For the first time in their lives, they acknowledged what Christ had done for them on their own, on separate days even, so as to not give glory to me or anyone else for why they chose to do it. That's salvation! Now, as a family, we'll be being baptized at NewSpring on March 17, a rededication for my wife and me and my children's profession of faith for them all their own. It will be a great day and something I am truly blessed to share in.

5. For me, don't let negativity creep back in. Whether it's a political campaign or the tug of something from the past trying to wield its saber at me, there's no place for the negativity anymore. Unfortunately, negatives are all around, but it is up to how you choose to dwell on it. I've dwelled too much on the negative and need to accentuate the positives in my life. I'm sure this aspect will be an ongoing battle within me for many years to come. But making that change starts now, in 2024, and I'll work to maintain it for all time. I don't need to let things destroy relationships, ruin friendships, or cause great loss. I need to mend those relationships, enduring friendships, and create great gains. 

I think those are good, don't you? One thing I'm grateful for already, the prognosticators of the make-believe world of The Terminator were wrong. The only thing a computer has ever done to me is crash or pick up a virus. That was annoying, but at least it wasn't Skynet ending me. Those were fun movies to watch and rewatch, but it's more fun to watch the path my children, family, friends, and colleagues all take instead.

That's what I look forward to more in 2024 than anything. Less division, more unity. I can't wait to see what unfolds.

In the meantime, I hope your resolutions happen how they are meant to and that 2024 is the best year yet for everyone. After all, we've been through, we have earned a better year than some in recent history. Let's make it a good one.

Tune in next time for 10: Joy.

10: Jacksonville

As the holiday season progressed, my anxiety stayed up some, but it was manageable. Despite my heart being in good shape and no signs of Covid, I was still quite nervous about going to Jacksonville.

My A1c was also doing well, but I was still trying to maintain good eating and exercise habits through the holidays. I had the occasional sweets because it was Christmas, after all. You have to indulge in some of the good things in life during the holidays, like Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes! Those are the absolute best!! I also had some ice cream and chocolate chip cookies, but I did my best to limit the amount of such things and not overindulge.

Despite all of the happiness, I was still worried about Jacksonville. I didn't want to go, which was the fear consuming me. The trip to Jacksonville was our big Christmas gift for the family and a huge one for Abby, as she is a big-time Jaguars fan. But something else happened that was unexpected and now made the trip that much more interesting.

The college football bowl season was about to commence, and Clemson was being selected to play in a bowl game again. During the season, my family and I were set to attend the North Carolina vs. Clemson game in November, but ticket issues arose. Although I ordered the tickets plenty of time for the game, I had yet to receive them and had to cancel. We were refunded our money, but disappointed. But right as they started to make the selections for the bowl games after the conference championships had ended, I looked at one particular game. The Gator Bowl was slated to be played in Jacksonville on December 29, the same weekend we planned to attend the Jaguars game on December 31.

Would it be cool if Clemson played in the Gator Bowl? What would be the odds that both the college and professional teams my daughter loves would be playing in the same stadium, in the same city, on the same weekend? I knew it could happen, but there were other factors to consider. One, Clemson had a rough season by prior season standards. They were 8-4 and struggled quite a bit earlier in the season. They also finished behind Florida State, NC State, and Louisville, which meant some other teams could land the spot. I didn't know if it would work out, but I hoped it might.

Then, I received the notification of Clemson vs. Kentucky in the Taxslayer Gator Bowl on Friday, December 29, 2023. I couldn't believe it but knew it was meant to be. Despite my fears, I bought tickets right away and knew then we were supposed to go to Jacksonville. When I told Leslie, her jaw hit the floor! We were so excited. As a family, we got to go to our first college bowl game and first NFL game.

Christmas day came, and we enjoyed sharing the kids' presents, but none were more well-received than the Jacksonville trip. In fact, we all got various styles of Jaguars jerseys for Christmas to wear to the game. This weekend was our big football weekend! We couldn't wait to go.

Ironically enough, Leslie was all for reducing similarities to the trip in July where Afib occurred. We were still leaving on the same day the Afib happened but at a different time of the month. We were also taking Leslie's Highlander this time and leaving the Ram at home. We thought a smaller car would be easier to maneuver around Jacksonville anyway. Lastly, Leslie was willing to drive down all the way if needed. We were also not going through Columbia, SC.

How can you get to Jacksonville and not go through Columbia, South Carolina? Well, you can choose the route through Augusta instead. That route was only 20 minutes longer than the Columbia route, showing it wasn't a big issue. Plus, we would see a more scenic route than driving so much on the interstates. That worked for me, and I sat back, taking in my surroundings.

I can't recall riding in the car's back seat in recent years while driving on a vacation. In fact, the last time I had done that was probably in high school. I've been driving my parents and family most places for decades now, so this was odd not being behind the wheel. My biggest concern was whether stress would open up issues if I drove down? When I was driving to Hilton Head in July, I was going about my usual driving routine. We went through Columbia, of course, and everything seemed fine. Then, I had that unusual feeling that initially seemed like premature ventricular contractions (PVCs), but they were incredibly packed together. I realized that it wasn't PVCs but my heart racing. I still have flashbacks of that moment sometimes, especially if I feel anything weird in my chest, like muscle spasms or even PVCs. It was terrifying to have your heart beat that rapidly for no reason.

But as we drove to Jacksonville, my pulse was fine. I was checking it every 5 minutes, but it was never rapid. An excellent, steady rate and rhythm. Normal Sinus Rhythm (NSR) which is what we all want. I took a brief nap, but Leslie needed my help navigating, too. Eventually, we made it to Jacksonville, which was a beautiful sight.

Once we were down there and I knew everything was fine, I drove us everywhere. I drove us to and from the stadium. I walked up the ramps effortlessly. I enjoyed every minute of it, especially the Clemson game. The Clemson vs. Kentucky game was insane, especially in the 4th quarter. It came down to whoever had the ball last would most likely win. Fortunately, when Kentucky had the ball one last time, Clemson intercepted to end the game. However, it was freezing that day. We were all freezing as we sat there watching Clemson attempt victory.

Because of the cold conditions of the game that Friday, we stayed in our room mainly on Saturday. I was worried about Leslie getting sick because she coughed her poor head off the whole day. We ordered food, stayed in the warm, climate-controlled comfort of our room, and watched bowl games and movies all day. This includes the Georgia 63-3 drubbing of Florida State, which relinquished Clemson from owning the worst bowl game loss in college football history in 2011.

By Sunday, Leslie felt some better and wanted to go to the Jaguars' game. After spending the time and money to come down to it, she didn't want to leave without going for some of it. I was still concerned, not about me now, but about her. I didn't want her or the kids to get sick from sitting in the cold, and I knew I would be driving back from Jacksonville to home. But everyone wanted to go, and I put it in God's hands to help me through the day. The Jaguar's game was fantastic, and as it turned out, it was the final game the team won for the 2023 season. At halftime, we left with the score 9-0, but Jacksonville went on to win 26-0 over the Carolina Panthers. That meant for the weekend, we saw both of the teams we pulled for during the games. That was a charming weekend and meant so much to my family, especially Abby.

The drive back was fun, too. As I drove around the same way we came, I could feel my anxiety reducing rapidly. I felt calm, at peace, and happy again. Going home on New Year's Eve, especially at night, does seem like an arduous task, but we left the game early so we wouldn't be pushing midnight to get home. As we drove home, we drove more on back roads than highways, and we saw so many houses with their Christmas lights lit up. I had not taken down our Christmas lights before we left, planning to do so after we returned. Seeing these lights on inspired me to turn our lights on as soon as we arrived. 

Once we were home, without any incident, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had overcome my fears of traveling. I felt more like me again. For this reason, 2024 would be a much better year than I could imagine. I just needed something to bring it all together. It was a fun final weekend of 2023, but I couldn't wait to see what will be in 2024.

Tune in for the next segment, 10: Resolutions.

10: Happy Halloween

With the stress test and echo now over, I could breathe easily again.

That weekend was hauntingly fun, with Halloween just around the corner and Fall Break at Clemson. If nothing else, it gave me time to rest some and allow the Lexapro to begin working. However, I did do one thing that sidetracked me for a day.

I got the Covid vaccine.

Some of you reading this have issues with that particular vaccine, but I believe in doing whatever is needed to protect myself and others. With the fact that I got Afib due to contracting Covid in July, it felt pertinent to me to get the vaccine to help myself especially. Frankly, I've yet to meet anyone that had serious issues with the Covid vaccine. However, I've seen plenty of people have major, life-changing, altering, or ending issues from Covid. Besides, as one provider said once if you don't contract something from a vaccine within 6 weeks after administration, nothing will happen, which means major issues. 

But small issues can arise with any vaccine, like location reactions or not feeling well. This reaction happened to me the day after the latest Covid vaccine. I felt achy and just plain crappy. So much so that we decided to stay home from church and watch it on television instead. By that late afternoon, I finally started feeling fine again. This reaction wasn't the first time this happened to me with the Covid vaccine, as a similar issue arose in 2021, and a day or so later, I felt fine. I felt fine again in the same timeframe after this dose of the vaccine. Now, I felt secure in the fact that I would be helped if Covid came to visit again.

Additionally, that same week, Leslie's car battery died, the fan on our central heating and air unit died (no longer under warranty), and our string trimmer we had for at least 7 years, died. Things like that always happen in threes, but we actually didn't realize the issues with the trimmer until several weeks later.

The biggest thing that had changed, though, was my mindset and my anxiety. Now, Lexapro doesn't work right away. It takes about 2 weeks to feel anything and 6 weeks to feel like you're 50% yourself again. It can take months to feel 100% again after initiating Lexapro, so a few days of taking the drug wasn't helping my spirits. I was doing that.

I had started altering my mindset at the beginning of October, which carried over throughout the month. If September was a terrible month since all of this had occurred in July, October was the best. I shifted my mindset from negativity to positivity, trying to think through things more rationally. The biggest thing I also started doing was not worrying much about things. I had stressors, of course, but I wasn't in distress. My stress levels had reached an all-time high by July. Now, I felt calm and at peace.

For that reason, I felt I could enjoy my favorite time of the year--Halloween. For the first time, my kids didn't want to trick or treat and end to 10 years of childish fun. That was bittersweet to hear, but they wanted to hand out candy to others. I loved that idea! Years after stopping trick or treating myself, I started handing out candy at my parent's house all through high school and college until Leslie and I had kids of our own to take trick or treating. So, I was stoked to start going to my parents to hand out Halloween candy to other kids.

It also helped that my parent's neighbors went all out decorating for Halloween this year. That house was crazy but so awesome. They had all manner of ghouls and goblins to attract attention, which would also help bring people to my parent's house. We always have handed out candy at my parent's house because our home is way out in the country by comparison. There are never any trick-or-treaters out there. But my parent's house always brings them in on Halloween.

So, we set up a fire pit, and a table with a candy bowl and sat out in front of my parent's house roast marshmallows for s'mores and hot dogs. It was a beautiful night after rain had been forecast. Instead, we sat there playing the soundtrack to Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (my favorite Halloween movie) while we laughed, played, and enjoyed the camaraderie of the evening, venturing up to the neighbor's house many times that weekend to see the excitement in the eyes of children coming to have some fun. 

That's what it's all about for me. I love the fun of Halloween, not the occult. I love the camaraderie of being together, not the costumes. I love the joy it brings, which is a good thing to inspire others to believe in joy. Ironically enough, Halloween does mean "Holy Evening." All Hallows Eve proceeds All Saints Day, providing a Christian connotation to the evening of Halloween. You can read about some of this here and see good scriptures that could be read on Halloween. Unfortunately, the Bible offers no direct scripture about Halloween itself. At least for me, much like the vaccines, I find the joy in the event of the evening more than something negative about it. To each their own on how we all look at certain things.

But on Halloween evening, my thoughts were preoccupied with one thing: what would happen the next day with my results from the stress test and echo? I was anxious about the results and, ultimately, what my cardiologist would want to do. But that's a tale for the next segment.

Look for that segment next week, 10: The November Results.

10: Count Your Blessings

 

It's been a little bit since I mentioned having dreams. The last time I had a wakeful moment discerning a voice was in August 2023 with the "It's time" statement. By October, though, it was more of a dream.

The vivid dreams stopped in March 2021, but this one was different. It was a vivid voice inside the dream, making me aware of something important.

One night in October, as I lay comfortably in bed, I heard a voice talking to me directly about my situation. There was no question I was still highly anxious about the Afib since July. I was set to meet with my Primary Care Provider about things I could do for stress and would soon have the stress test and echo completed, but that was still over a week away when the dream occurred.

The voice sounded like a man's but said something that I had heard my mother try to tell me multiple times during the previous three months.

"The medications are helping your heart. Count your blessings."

After hearing this statement, I woke up immediately. I had this amazing sense of peace when I woke up like I hadn't felt in previous weeks or months. It was revitalizing. Count your blessings. That's the best phrase that could have happened during this time. But also suggesting my medications were helping was a huge piece, too. I had believed the medications were helping, but I kept worrying, what if they don't anymore? Those negative thoughts can be so pervasive. Nothing indicated that the medications were not working or wouldn't continue to work at that point in time. My heart was being regulated. The meds were also helping my blood pressure, and I didn't have to take Hydralazine anymore. On this day, my anxiety plummeted and carried me on through the remainder of that week.

Count your blessings. That one phrase helped to reshape my mindset even more. Ever since that day, if negative thoughts crept in, I would remind myself to count my blessings. That's one phrase I'll keep doing from now until the end of time. Scripture has something to say about counting your blessings.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work"-2 Corinthians 9:8

My mom had tried to help me see this verse and other things for years leading up to that day. I would come home and complain about things quite a bit. I would get so angry about things, many of which were out of my control. I would worry about things that the added stress did no good. In fact, I was convinced my stress leading up to July 13 contributed to the Afib as much as Covid. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't let things go. My anxiety was beyond belief, even before Afib, and I feel it is no surprise that a physical problem manifested.

I had Covid before, after all, and did not get Afib. My stress was significantly worse by July 2023.

My mom's favorite way to remind me to count my blessings was a song she learned when she was younger:

Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your blessings, see what God hath done;

Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

See the rest of the lyrics here.

That's the best song in the whole wide world. God has blessed me immeasurably, which is why I used the image in this post today. My greatest blessing is my family and the happiness we share. I can never forget that and will never forget that.

After this day, my spirits were high, and I felt confident about the upcoming tests and visits. I felt I would be okay, but as you can imagine, my anxiety still was trying to creep in from time to time. That's when I visited my Primary Care Provider and shared with her some of the things I felt were contributing to my concerns. They let me know the root cause of my concerns.

Tune in for the next segment, 10: PTSD.

10: Divine Commencement

Graduation Day! Although I graduated in August 2022, the commencement ceremony for Mercer University is only held in May of each year. That meant my commencement ceremony would not be until May 2023. Appropriately enough, the commencement was on Mother's Day.

My mother and my wife had offered a great deal of support as I worked through my PhD, so giving them the gift of me finishing school was all too welcome. But they, and my mother-in-law, also did a lot to support me through my concerns with sugar and diabetes. Unfortunately, on this day, my mother-in-law couldn't join us, but she was cheering for me just the same as I walked across the stage. But what happened at commencement made for a truly divine encounter.

During my time in the PhD program, I had three other classmates I began with in Fall 2015. Unfortunately, one could not continue in the program, leaving what I called the Big Three. Laura, Paula, and I worked hard as we navigated the remaining coursework and the dissertation process. Laura completed her PhD in 2020 amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Fortunately, most of her research was completed before all the lockdowns, allowing her to work on analysis that didn't require meeting with individuals in person. However, Paula and I completed our proposals a year and a half after the pandemic began, meaning most things only required masks or vaccines. That allowed both of us to conduct in-person research and work towards completion of the program. Paula and I had a tight window to completion in 2022, but we did complete it!

It was an arduous journey for both of us, so of course, we planned on going to commencement. Because of the way the ceremony is set up, they put everyone in specific cohorts together. Bachelors students sat together. Master's students sat together. So, Paula and I, being the only PhD students, sat side by side for one last time as a "student" at Mercer. We would leave that day as official alumni at Mercer University. But the real divine piece to this didn't happen in the ceremony but in the stands surrounding us during the event.

My mom, dad, Leslie, and the kids sat in the stands above us, and I could see them waving to me from afar. We were at Gas South Arena in Duluth, Georgia. The stadium rose up from the ground floor, where the ceremony was conducted, allowing for a nice view for attendees. Eventually though, a lady came and sat down beside my mother. She asked first if she could sit there with her family, to which my mother replied yes immediately. There certainly was no assigned seating that day, except for us in the ceremony. Once they sat down, as my mother always does, she began to chat with the older lady and learn more about her.

My mom is a social butterfly and doesn't know a stranger. But on this day, this particular interaction would become strange. But in a good way.

At some point, while talking to one another, the lady sitting beside my mom started hollering down and waving at the graduate she was there to see, along with her family. My mom asked the lady who their graduate was, and the lady said it was her daughter, and she was down near the middle, in my location on the floor. My mom then asked her what degree her daughter had earned. The lady replied, "She earned her PhD in Nursing." My mom thought, what? Then the lady told my mother, "That's her next to that gentleman." The gentleman was me.

My mom was a little shocked. Somehow, in all these people in the stadium observing, my mom just happened to end up sitting beside my classmate's mother. Even more ironic was that my mom and Paula's mom wore black and white striped dresses to the event. My mom looked back at Paula's mother and said, "That gentleman is my son. He's graduating with his PhD in Nursing as well." Paula's mother was now shocked herself. Neither could believe they sat beside each other, just as their two children sat beside one another in the ceremony. People sitting near my mom and Paula's mom had heard some of this and began chiming in too. "You mean to tell me the two of you don't know each other, and both your kids are graduating from the same program, and you just happened to sit beside one another?" This person said they got cold chills thinking about it. "That is a God thing," said another person sitting nearby.

There's a lot of truth to that. Paula and I both went down to the wire on our PhDs, trying to complete them. Paula, unfortunately, had lost her father along the way, but still was striving to complete this journey in memory of him. That made for a very special moment as she walked across the stage, signifying the end of her journey in the program. I followed behind her shaking hands with the Dean, and having the President say to me, "Congratulations, Doctor" all while my mom yelled out, "That's my son." He voice cracked a little bit in the process of yelling. Of course, after the ceremony, we all went and pigged out! My family and I had some yummy Japanese at Kani House in Buford, one of our favorite places to go.

But after all of this excited simmer down, May 23rd was fast approaching. This was the day that would determine where my A1c was at that time, after another 6 month stretch. I was doing pretty well with my dieting, minus a big meal on this day with graduation, but I was still concerned had I done enough? If the A1c was still up, where would things take me next with my regimen. Honestly, with all the good that was happening leading up to May 23rd, 2023, I had a better feeling that I was expressing. Besides, the number 23 was on my side. 

Tune in next time for the next segment 10: Good as Can Be.

10: Fall 2022

 

Ah, Fall! My favorite time of year. Seeing autumn come makes me think of cooler temperatures, milder climates, multicolored leaves, less grass cutting, school is back in, football, Halloween, World Series, bonfires, and paving the way to Christmas time.

I love this time of year. I always start decorating for fall as soon as September hits, not September 21st, but September 1st. That is the start of the fall season for me. The true, most wonderful time of the year, at least for me.

The best thing I love about fall is running. In high school, running in the cooler autumn temps allowed my lungs to expand as much as possible to take in plenty of oxygen and run as fast as I could for 3.1 miles. My favorite course was always the Furman Invitational. The race was typically in mid-October, allowing for a nice crisp chill in the air on the race mornings. The course was on the golf course mostly, so almost completely flat with beautiful grass and landscapes. Every time I ran that race, I did a personal record of some kind. I just loved it!

But each race in high school was met with uncertainty where you had to show your capabilities. That was not unlike the Fall 2022 semester for me, as I was starting a new course for my career - as a researcher.

Having accepted a position on tenure track, I knew the next year would be busy trying to navigate the rigor and needs of research. But I was up to the challenge. I will admit, though, this added a layer of stress after finishing the dissertation. I replaced one stress with another stress.

Stress plays a huge factor in sugar control too. For one, if you are stressed, you are prone to eat and eat comfort foods. But much like the Fall of 2021, I still did well trying to balance things out. COVID helped some. My weight dropped by almost 8 pounds during COVID. However, I knew I would put that weight back on once I felt back to full strength. I didn't lose that weight initially like the year before; it was due to sickness.

Amazingly, my sugars never got out of control during COVID and remained steady in the 80-100 range thereafter. I wasn't checking my sugars nearly as often now, given a reprieve by my provider to save my fingers from needle sticks. I was checking my sugars twice a week now. Only one time during the fall did my sugar reading reach 100 during those checks. The stress of trying to write grants, manuscripts for publications, and submit abstracts was tough, but it wasn't quite as bad as the dissertation phase had been. This difference was largely because I was now working with a team of researchers.

Having gone to my first Prisma Health, Health Science Center (HSC) Mixer, I found myself working with a group as passionate about virtual reality (VR) as I am. The HSC Mixers are an opportunity for researchers to mingle and share ideas in the hopes of applying for seed grants offered by Prisma Health. When I planned to attend, I wanted to meet some people to start thinking of ideas so that I might apply for a seed grant the next fall in 2023. With it already being mid-September and the due date for the letters of intent was mid-October, I didn't think I could get a grant submission in time for fall 2022.

I was wrong.

That's the thing about being a novice. You don't really know anything until you actually do something. All your schooling really leads to entry-level. I felt like the doctor in the first episode of Scrubs.  It's also a lot like running cross country. You never knew what the courses might be like sometimes, although the coaches tried to prepare you. You still had to run the race. There was always something in the path you had to navigate around, obstacles even. But ultimately, you figured out the course and successfully completed the race without injury. The same rules applied here with grant writing and doing research. However, I was forewarned before the start of the semester. At orientation, President Jim Clements made it clear to all of the newest faculty and researchers of Clemson University that the best time to start doing your research for tenure track is NOW. Don't delay. So, when opportunity knocked that day at the HSC Mixer, I jumped on the train and never looked back.

This was the same philosophy I took with my diabetic concerns from March 31, 2021. I knew this was the only way to handle things, and I would be remiss if I didn't try. When you're faced with new challenges, all you can do is adapt and figure out ways to succeed. Much like Spring 2021, the Fall semester of 2022 was uncharted territory for me. How did I fair? Well, just like any race, steady as she goes, doing the best I could.

That effort would soon open the door for me to things I hadn't even considered before finishing my PhD. A new team. New affiliations. New opportunities. It was truly amazing, all the while still trying to maintain control of my sugars as I had the previous year and a half. How would the results end up this time?

Tune in for the next segment, 10: The 5.8 Syndrome.

 

10: My Mentality

 "Vanity is definitely my favorite sin."--John Milton, The Devil's Advocate

"When you're brought into this world, they say you're born in sin. Well, at least they gave me something I didn't have to steal or have to win."--Jon Bon Jovi, Blaze of Glory

These two quotes epitomize where my mentality was before the A1c of 10.

Don't get me wrong, I love the film and song, so I'm not criticizing them. The film and the song highlight important messages. From the plot twists you see coming to the action-adventure oozing out of the guitar solo, both are fun to listen to and watch. But they are just for fun. That's the part where the message begins.

Sometimes that little voice inside your head tells you things only a child understands. Your inner child never leaves you from the time of your childhood until the day you die. From time to time, you listen to it as a child would. It's perfectly normal to do so, by the way. Everyone does it. We all want to embrace childish things sometimes. People might call it a mid-life crisis when you've reached my age bracket. It's the point in your life where you want to still be young, but you aren't anymore. That's when you either have to be mature and accept where you are in life at that point, or you have a crisis. Erikson's stages of development call this Generativity vs. Stagnation. It's the middle age time in life when you contribute to society and be part of a family. If you achieve generativity, you've succeeded at leaving something behind that will still be here when your life ends. Whether raising children or doing valued things at work, you feel accomplished that what you have done in life means something to someone. On the contrary, stagnation means you haven't achieved something that is beneficial to your psyche. Insecurity, failure, and even selfishness are all things that could lead to stagnation. Negative self-talk plays a factor in this as well.

Before March 31, 2021, my mentality wasn't the best. As mentioned, I was considering quitting the PhD program by March 2021. I didn't feel all that well and physically was showing signs of a problem. Despite having successes in life, I didn't feel successful. I remember at one point, Clemson was playing Ohio State in the College Football Playoff in 2020, and I could have cared less that they lost. The truth is, I could have cared less if they had won. I was always excited and happy when the teams I loved did well and angry and sad when they lost. By January 2021, though, I didn't care anymore. I remember asking a friend back then what does that mean. They said, "You're numb. That's what depression is."

Was I depressed? I knew I wasn't happy with how things were then. The state of the world through a pandemic. How people were acting on social media. Things at home had grown complacent. I certainly felt out of balance, but was I fully depressed now? I think my real issue was a negative way of looking at things, which had become pervasive throughout society leading up to March 31, 2023. The A1c of 10 certainly could have caused my mind to go either way. I could have spiraled downward after that revelation and truly became depressed. Instead, it became a motivator. The A1c of 10 let me know something was wrong and that I could fix it. So, I listened to my grandmother and my mother on this one.

As my grandmother Maw Maw said, "Keep it on the sunny side."

Maw Maw, or Joanne Thrift, was a journalist for the Anderson Independent Mail during her time working. She was an exemplary journalist at that. Her final column in the newspaper before retiring was The Home Towner. She consistently and frequently wrote about other people's successes, adventures, engagements, passions, and desires, which mostly involved helping others. She loved doing things for other people, no matter what. She was a gifted and talented writer, and I could only dream of being as good as she was with her ability.

She loved writing about stories of perseverance. People who overcame obstacles to find happiness. Her main goal was to spread a little sunshine each and every time someone read her column. That's how I remember her and will always remember her. One of the most uplifting and encouraging people you will ever meet, and she was my grandmother. But I was blessed more than that. I have a mother that feels the exact same way. Mom loved Maw Maw's ways and embraced them the whole time she has been married to my dad.

My mom was worried about me leading up until March 31, 2023, because of my mentality. She was worried something was killing me from the inside and attributed most of it to stress. She wondered if I should go see a doctor for no other reason than to find a way to take the edge off. She saw how tired I was, how grumpy and outright angry I was about everything. She wanted me to be happy again. When she first heard about the A1c of 10, she didn't believe it. She thought it wasn't real. But I knew it was real. I could feel it. After that, my mom did everything she could to help me. But the biggest thing she did was help me realize what my provider was trying to tell me--you can make yourself feel better!

That was part of the problem, my own vanity sometimes. Again, I would listen to that voice telling me it's ok. I don't need any help. It's fine the way things are. I don't need to change. But what the voice said was all in vain. It was all in my head. Not a delusion, mind you, that negative self-talk. But the ability to persevere was there too. I had to believe I could do it. Between Maw Maw, my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law, my parents, Leslie, and the kids, I had a team of people helping me learn to adapt my thinking. Abby did something I'll never forget.

Abby was watching her daddy when the news came out about the A1c. What she saw was a broken person for a few weeks. She listened to things that were being said and paid attention to how I and others responded. One thing she took note of was that her daddy couldn't have sweet tea anymore. So, for that reason, Abby didn't want sweet tea anymore. How remarkable is that? My 11-year-old daughter, at that time, didn't want to do something anymore because she knew I couldn't, to try to help me out. She would sacrifice like me if it meant better health and well-being. Mainly better health and well-being for her daddy.

I changed my mindset when I was 33 because of my kids. In 2011, I was over 250 lbs and wanted to diet to get myself in better shape and allow me to enjoy things more with my kids as they grew up. Abby was about to turn 1 year old when I made this decision, and Charlie was a few months away from being born. It worked! I lost over 30 lbs and felt so much better, even running again as I had before. I didn't believe I would be in the position I was in 10 years later, in 2021, but that happened. I had gained that weight back and then some, and it was due largely to complacency and listening to that negative self-talk sometimes. But I had succeeded before. I could do it again. But now, my daughter was doing it for me.

2011 I did it for my kids, but in 2021 I was doing it for me and everyone else I cared about. I won't let 2031 come and have to start over again. This time the mentality had to be to make changes that were truly sustainable and not fall back into the complacency I had developed about healthy ways. Some thought I was healthy but hadn't been for a few years. My mindset had to be different. So, as I've mentioned many times, I prayed. I asked Jesus for help to guide me on this new journey to help me help myself so I can continue to help those I care about most. I asked him to help me persevere...and he heard me. He was always listening and always trying to help me.

The biggest mindset change that was needed was to reduce the negativity. I don't believe you can completely wipe out the negative things going on around you, but you can reduce it. I stopped looking at some things on social media. No influencers. No politics. No news. I also stopped talking myself down. Negative self-talk is powerful. I had to think about what was good in my life more than anything not going so good. When it came to the PhD, I focused on what I could do and stopped thinking what I was doing wasn't good enough. I made it good enough. I wasn't going to quit now. I was just getting started.

The A1c of 10 had flipped a switch, and I was winning because I overcame this obstacle with the support of those I love.

And what were the results, you might ask? You'll have to tune in next time for 10: The Results.

10: Dream Analysis

The Final Analysis of the Four Dreams

So, the burning question. What did all of these dreams mean, and what did any of them have to do with diabetes?

Since I'm a huge science fiction and fantasy fan, especially of Star Trek, I'll use a phrase so often uttered by Spock. It will appear logical in the end.

Vivid dreams are powerful and skirt the boundary between the real and the unreal. It was hard to discern what was real in each dream and what wasn't, and my mind didn't perceive anything as unreal, even though there were elements that defied reason.

My grandparents, who had long passed away, had returned alive and well in the dreams. That was the only critical difference between reality and the dreams. Everything else was grounded in reality. The people walking up to the house in a line looked perfectly normal, except for their behavior. The white figure didn't do anything profound but stand there. The voice said a simple phrase. There was nothing behind me. The monster was never seen. The fanciful elements of the dreams weren't that unrealistic. Someone could even conclude the roar in the dream from the monster wasn't a monster at all. Those pieces seemed to be inside me, even within the dream.

What was profound was having people present in the dream.

They say when you near the end of life, sometimes you can see relatives long since deceased returning to console you in your waning days. Now, I don't think for one minute I was dying, but I was having a profound change in my life. For that reason, the people that had been most dear to me in my life to that point appeared:

My grandparents

My parents

My wife and children

As the dreams happened, I misinterpreted the meanings at that time. The dream about Niney, I thought, was about her and missing her. The dream where Leslie had a convulsion suggested concern about her. The dream with Maw Maw and Paw Paw and my mother seemed like reminiscing about times past until something was behind me. The monster was after me and the children. Even my dogs at the time got into the action at that moment.

None of the dreams were about them, though. It was a warning for me, and when you see the interpretations below, it will make sense why I was being warned about the insidious disease known as diabetes.

Dream 1: A Knock at the Door

This dream was warning me that I was now pre-diabetic. It made sense that the first person to come and warn me about my impending diabetes journey would be the person I saw diabetes ravage the most. Niney, my grandmother, deteriorated from diabetes over the span of seven years. I had a front-row seat to it as I grew up. Not only was she alive and well, she was walking around helping me do stuff in the dream, which would have been impossible for her to do in this world. Her legs had been amputated leading up to her death, so the spiritual realm had manifested new ones for her.

She came to warn me because my body had shifted from the previous year. The last time I had an A1c done was in March 2018. That year my A1c was 5.6, so normal. However, I was 0.1 points away from being classified as pre-diabetic. By May 2019, my weight had increased substantially, and I struggled to run sometimes. Had I had an A1c check in March 2019, my A1c would have been 5.7-6.4 at least. The reason for this can be shown in pictures an Atlanta Braves game in 2018 and Halloween 2019:

Braves Game May 2018

Halloween 2019

Look at my weight gain between these two images, a little over a year apart. Even in the pic from 2018, I had to suck in my gut a little. In my face, however, you could see the excess weight. The excess weight was apparent in the Halloween picture as my jumpsuit fit me rather tightly. 

I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. Nearly 10 years earlier, my weight was in this same category, prompting me to take action to try to lose weight and become healthier. But 10 years of time takes its toll on a person, balancing work and life, and a PhD. By December 2019, I was over 250 lbs, if not more. For my build, that was way too much. Niney was trying to warn me, but the warning went unheeded. Hence, the next set of dreams.

Dreams 2 and 3: Someone is Here, and There is Someone Walking Behind You

I'm putting these two dreams together because they happened a week apart. I've now interpreted the white ghost-looking figure to be the Holy Spirit. This was the day I became classified as diabetic. By this date, April 2020, we were amid the pandemic. As such, I wasn't willing to go anywhere much unless I just had to. So, going to get an A1c check for my annual birthday check-up did not happen. Had I gone and had my A1c checked, then the score would have been 6.5 or above. My weight had done nothing but go up over the past year. All running had ceased. My exercise routine was not consistent. My diet was horrible. I'm certain I wasn't alone about the diet considering most people were stressed by what was happening due to the pandemic. Comfort food was a must then.

But at the end of Dream 2, the voice says someone is here. After that, the pulse wave sensation shot out from the core of my body in all directions when I awoke. That sensation came almost from the spot where the pancreas is located. Your pancreas is near the intestines and stomach, not far from the Xiphoid Process on the sternum. I believe this was the exact moment I became diabetic. Leslie's reaction to convulsing and passing out had to do with what was wrong with me and the realization that something profound had happened. 

But the voice. That voice was the Holy Spirit, letting me know it was there. It was going to be there to continue trying to warn me. The Holy Spirit was trying to let me know something life-changing had happened to me. I would have to come to grips with it sooner or later.

Dream 3 was a further warning trying to get me to see. Something walking up behind me was diabetes overtaking me. The ghost, or whatever it was, was within me. I saw nothing behind me because it was already inside me. The insidious way of diabetes began working on my body, filling my mother with fear in the dream. This starkly contrasted how my mother would have responded to her baby being affected by something in real life. The fear was not in her but within me. The manifestation of symptoms of diabetes had only just begun but was in full swing by late 2020.

In late October 2020, I had another bizarre encounter involving bedtime. This was no dream, though. Whatever happened took place while I was still awake.

I had gotten out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Leslie and the kids were all asleep, and I crawled back into bed. When I did, though, I felt something come up behind me and put its arms around me. For a split second, I thought I saw the shape of a nose out of the corner of my eye. I started drifting back to sleep, but this grabbed my attention. This action awoke me immediately, and I looked across the bed to see that everyone in the room was still asleep. For a moment, I thought maybe Leslie had gotten up and gone to the bathroom and, on her way back, decided to hug me in my sleep. Literally seconds, from my perspective, had passed since I left the bathroom and returned to bed. There was no way Leslie did this action or even one of the kids.

Although this could have been an alarming thought, who just touched me as I went back to sleep? Honestly, I was calm. I laid my head back down and drifted back off to sleep. It was comforting and made me feel peaceful. Nothing was scary about this because it was like someone or something had hugged me. I believe again this was the Holy Spirit, if not Christ Himself.

The next day, I looked to see what getting a hug from behind meant. That is one of the most comforting things a person can do because the person being hugged is vulnerable, and this type of hug offers reassurance. Doesn't that sound like something God would do? This is a significant moment, separate from the dreams but certainly tied to them. The hug signified that God was with me to help comfort me through whatever was about to happen with diabetes. It was also significant that this was the first time I showed symptoms of an elevated A1c. Urinating frequently, especially in the middle of the night, is a sign of poor sugar control. My body was just beginning to show issues, and it would only worsen in the months ahead.

God was trying to console me because the big reveal was headed my way.

Dream 4: The Monster

By March 2021, I was highly symptomatic of diabetic issues related to the exceptionally high A1c of 10. Weight loss had begun. I urinated frequently at night to get the excess sugar out of my body. I was fatigued, irritable, and worn out. It should be no surprise that one final dream came at one of the darkest times of my life in recent history. A time when I was at a crossroads of despair. This was the final attempt by God to help me understand what was happening to me.

The monster in the dream was not a literal monster, though. It was the monster within me. The monster of diabetes taking its toll on my body and well-being. I was losing, and if this dream didn't serve to wake me up to what was going on, nothing would. Who knows where my life might have gone from there if this dream hadn't occurred.

I remember waking up from that dream, realizing how quickly it happened, and thinking, How is that possible? I just had a dream that fast and that vivid? The dream happened over a 30-minute period that morning. The others happened during sleep at night, but this one was a literal nap by comparison. However, you typically remember dreams right before you awaken, so most likely, all the dreams happened in a short sleep period. God works in mysterious ways.

I knew from that dream and things going on in March 2021 that something else was happening besides stress and difficulties at home, work, or school. Something was wrong with me. Finally, I got checked out and had the reveal of the A1c of 10. It all made sense instantly.

Why did it take nearly 2 years to figure this out?

Well, that's because of how our reality works. You see, in heaven, time has no meaning. When God does something, it happens instantly for Him. But for us here on Earth, it could be years, even centuries, as events unfold.

2 Peter 3:8-9 reads:

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

That verse puts it all in perspective. God knows what is happening to us and works to help us, but we also must realize how His time scale works. The timing of His help was perfect. It also makes sense from the verse. To quote James T. Kirk's line from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan:

"Hours instead of days. Now we have minutes instead of hours."

From God's perspective, He was quickly trying to help me see what was happening, but the time scale here on earth put that relative position over years for me. Two years had to go by for me to receive the completed message. It was all for His glory. I honestly can't think of a better way to prove the existence of God than this as well. Reading all these dreams and the analysis, I can't think of a better way to help a non-believer understand how God works and why you must operate from His time scale and not your own.

Since March 3, 2021, I haven't had another vivid dream again. Like I've said, I've had some typical run-of-the-mill goofy dreams since that time. But I have had no dreams like these four ever again. That hug sensation has never happened again.

I just know He is there. He's watching, praying, and working for me and anyone who needs Him. This is just my story of how God intervened and helped me. He intervenes more than you realize, but sometimes it goes unnoticed. He did this for me because my actions led me to something profound in my life. I wasn't near death, but maybe I was headed toward a rough life in the years ahead with my health. I still have much work left to do.

I'm grateful for the help He has given me. Maybe He's helping you too.

That concludes the Dream Analysis, and for the next post, we'll go into what I did to help me overcome the fear, the physical issues, and other constraints of diabetes, so much so that my provider won't even classify me as being diabetic.

I did it all through Him. Thank you, Jesus.