10: The Future...

“All good things must come to an end.”

 

Poignant words spoken by the character Q in the final episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. But it is a true quote, because all things do eventually end. That’s why today’s blog is the final blog of 10 that I’ll be posting for a while.

 

As I sit here on the beach at Surfside, a place my family has frequented for nearly 40 years now, it seems only appropriate that this would be the setting for my final entry in this tale.

“It’s been a long road, getting from there to here,” as the lyrics of the short-lived Star Trek: Enterprise series once had for the opening credits. I always thought that was a unique way to start a new series, way back when. It certainly has been a long road for me on this journey of living with diabetes. Now encompassing 3 years since I first receive the phone call that ill-fated morning on a rainy, March day. But that day spawned something different me that has resonated throughout the years since.

 

It's never been about the destination, but the journey. Going to the beach is always fun, in fact more fun sometimes that reaching the beach altogether. The camaraderie with family and friends, the laughs, the blessings of being with those you love cannot be overstated. That’s what makes a journey so great. Of course, there are sad moments, angry moments, scary ones too. A journey is never one way or the other. It ebbs and flows just like the tides, washing in and out.

 

When I think back about this journey, I sometimes don’t think of it as a linear timeframe. I think more about the unknown possibilities of existence. What if?... is another favorite show of mine from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The decisions we make can, and probably do, create alternate universes where something different happened there from the reality we know. I sometimes wonder where my life would be right now at the A1c of 10 never occurred? My most common thought goes to the decision to go to Employee Health for what ended up being the final time. What if I had chosen to skip again, like I had in 2019 and 2020? Of course, another possibility comes to mind as this was the last employee check-up provided by AnMed Health. The hospital ceased doing birthday check-ups on employees in 2022. So, what if that had happened a year earlier? Would I have had greater complications that would have been irreversible? Would I even be alive today?

 

You can what if yourself into a quandary if you allow it. But that is where faith comes into play. Jesus said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, there’s enough worry today.” He’s perfectly right. What happened occurred the only way it could for me, from a more linear perspective. It was the story of my life and the direction it was meant to go. The reason? It led me closer to God.

 

So, over the past 15 months I’ve embrace the path that Jesus set me on to tell the tale of this journey. It’s been a wonderful experience filled with pitfalls and possibilities ripe with promises of a joy and hope. I’ve been able to share how my battle living with diabetes has shaped me into the man I am now. How COVID can wreak havoc in ways we might always believe possible, but ultimately learn are true. How a person can change their fortune by simply having faith in something greater than themselves. I’ve had many blessings over the past 3 years that have helped me greatly with my body, my mind, and my spirit.

As I sit here typing, sand between my toes, I ponder another what if. I remember thinking this past fall would I ever go to the beach again? Last year, of course, was the issue with Afib and the fear, anxiety it caused me taking months to recover from. I was truly scared to travel anywhere again for months. What if I had allowed that fear to grip me completely? I was so petrified of driving, at times I was afraid to simply drive to work. Several times I had to call my wife or my mom to talk me through an issue I was having driving my truck. I was that scared of what had happened. I didn’t want to do anything to make it happen again.

 

This issue with Afib could have set me back greatly, had I let it. But, again, God showed me the way through that ordeal. Now, I’m sitting on a beach with my family, enjoying the breeze and the waves, feeling like a kid again. So many times I have come to this beach with Maw Maw and Paw Paw, my parents, Niney, Nick, Travis, my in-laws Jim and Brenda, and of course Leslie and our kids, Abby and Charlie. There’s truly never been a better place to be for me. I remember the first time I came to the beach at the condo at Surfside, in December 1986. I was 9 years old, and this place looked massive. But it was so beautiful, I couldn’t have imagined wanting to be anywhere else. Many times we have come here over the past 38 years. The condo has endured a lot in that time, between storms, winds, rain, high tides, and hurricanes, but it still goes on. The outside colors have changed, but the structure remains the same. The furniture is new, but the atmosphere never grows old. The familiar sounds of the past echo through the halls of the new.

 

That’s the journey that matters the most. Cherishing those moments that come and pass, with hope for the future. In the summer of 1990, Back to the Future III came out that had a wonderful statement from Doc Brown at the end:

That statement epitomizes the future for us all, and especially the future of my life living with diabetes. I may never do away with the condition, but I can certainly learn to live with it. Over the past year and half I have been living well with diabetes with A1cs 5.6 or less. Doing that helps me greatly, and hopefully will guide me towards a future filled with prosperity knowing I’m doing all I can to help myself and others. That’s always been the point of this blog, to share my journey with all of you in the hopes it will help someone else through theirs. So, whether you are working through diabetes, anxiety, Afib, a heart attack, back concerns, a cancer diagnosis, all of these things can be navigated equally the same through the thoughts and feelings I’ve shared with you. Because at the center of it all is Jesus, helping me understand my place in this world so I can carry on forward to the future He has set.

 

With that, I hope you all have a wonderful week yourselves, coming on the heels of Father’s Day. Love those around you with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul. I know my journey is nowhere near complete, but much like Star Trek: The Next Generation, “All good things must come to an end.” As this blog ends, my journey continues. Perhaps sometime in the future I’ll return with more stories to tell of the journey. But for now I want to focus on that which matters most in the image below.

“See you out there…

10: May the A1c be with you

At the close of May, I get to report a real-time reading of my A1c. On May 29, 2024, I went to my primary care provider (PCP) and had a 6-month check-up to see how my sugars have been.

In November, my A1c was 5.5 and, for the first time, went down during the Fall instead of up. In the previous 2 years, my A1c increased to 5.8 each time. It was perplexing how my A1c would increase in the Fall compared to the Spring. I never felt like my A1c should have gone up during the fall. In the Fall of 2021, my weight never changed from August until November, but the A1c went from 5.6 to 5.8. But then, in the Spring of 2022, as my weight increased by 8 lbs, my A1c went back down to 5.6. 

That change in A1c taught me that weight is not the real factor in determining someone's sugar control. How much they eat and how much they exercise does factor in. Additionally, genetics play a huge factor. The more something runs in a family, the more likely future generations will acquire it. Although I didn't do enough to help myself before 2021, I was fortunate to be able to make the needed changes to improve my circumstances. The motivation is what can be hard.

Not everyone who has ever had a high A1c can testify to being highly motivated to correct it. Sometimes, the news of an A1c of 10 could seem insurmountable. You spent your whole life getting to this high A1c; how could you change it in a few weeks' time? 

It's very much like Luke Skywalker trying to become a Jedi. From Luke's perspective, something sudden came up, and he had to determine where to go. He pursued a path that changed his life forever. It led to an awakening that gave him the power to overcome all obstacles and set things right for his life. Another figure has a similar story to this fictional character, Jesus Christ. Jesus, too, had a moment in His life that forever changed its course. People love a heroic story.

I'm not comparing myself to Luke Skywalker or Jesus Christ, just the journey. We all embark on a journey, and the final destination is uncertain. But if you have faith, believe in something greater than yourself and yourself, and strive to do your best, you can accomplish anything. Both of these men also had a lot of help along the way in guiding them. I, too, have had the same. So, today, it's my privilege to share the final result:

All my other vitals and blood work were normal, except for a blood glucose of 110. That was up this morning for whatever reason, but it had no bearing on where my A1c was for the last 3 months. This signifies that for the last year and a half, my A1c has been completely normal, with no elevations above 5.6. 

An accomplishment like this is not easy, but anyone can do it. The key is faith. 

So, where do we go from here? Well, first things first, celebrations are in order. I celebrated by eating the one thing I've been holding aside for months to enjoy, a Whatchamacallit bar. I love those things! Next is starting back up again to keep it going for 6 months. How will I do that, you ask?

Tune in next time for 10: The Future...

10: Nurse's 5K

 

The Nurses 5K was the first run/walk by the South Carolina Nurses Association (SCNA) and the South Carolina Nurses Foundation (SCNF). I've worked with SCNF since 2020, attending my first meeting right before the pandemic began in February that same year. It's been a wonderful experience being part of SCNF for the past four years, which has culminated in me being the President of SCNF currently. Last year, the President of SCNA, Angela Dykes, came up with the idea of SCNA and SCNF teaming together to host the Nurses 5K in 2024 as a way to raise scholarship funds for nurses and student nurses across South Carolina. Our goal is to promote the profession of nursing, celebrating it as one of the most trusted professions in the world.

At the time we began formulating this plan, I was stoked. Immediately, I wanted to do all I could to help make the Nurses 5K a reality. At that point in 2023, I had already run multiple 5Ks and had at least two more I planned to do, including America's 5K in July. Little did I know then, however, that America's 5K would be the last one I participated in until the Nurses 5K.

On July 1, 2023, I ran the race at 30:40, which isn't bad for a 46-year-old man. I was tired afterward because it was hot and muggy in summer. After the race, we loaded up for vacation at Wilderness at the Smokies for our summer family getaway. After that vacation, though, was when COVID hit the household, leading to my issues with Atrial Fibrillation (Afib). As mentioned before, at the beginning of June, I received a clean bill of health from my Cardiologist and was told I didn't have to return for 2 years. I was stoked about that, too. Running the 5K at the beginning of July was just icing on the cake for my health and well-being. So, it was a complete surprise to have Afib impact me.

I was heartbroken, no pun intended, because with my heart accelerating to 170-190 beats per minute, about the same pace it had been doing during many of my runs, that scared me immensely. I've outlined my anxiety extensively to this point, so I won't belabor that issue. But I began to realize my running days were over.

I didn't feel safe running anymore. I was scared it would trigger something in my heart that was irreversible. Fortunately, my heart returned to a normal sinus rhythm without much intervention other than Cardizem. I still take the Cardizem to help with my heart and blood pressure. But despite good things, my mind was not in a good place from late August through the end of December. I struggled mightily with my mentality. I truly am amazed sometimes I could do any of my work I needed to during that time. I can honestly say it was by God's grace that I could work at all.

But one thing that was certain to me was that I wasn't running any more 5Ks. I had already signed up for the Electric City Gobbler 5K in November that year and the Swamp Rabbit 5K in February 2024. Both of those were canceled for me. Then I realized the Nurses 5K would be in May 2024. At first, I wasn't planning to attend.

This saddened Angela, as I initially had told her that my son's birthday would be the same day as the event, so I couldn't come. But the real reason was twofold. One, I wanted nothing more to do with 5Ks and two, I was scared to even approach Columbia, where the Afib had occurred. When I made this statement to Angela in January, I was not over what happened, even though I felt better. I was still debating whether I could attend the Palmetto Gold Gala, which was also held in Columbia in April. 

I was being ridiculous. That's the truth. In both cases, I was the President of SCNF, and the expectation was for me to attend both events representing SCNF. In one case, I had to give a speech as the President of SCNF during the Palmetto Gold Gala. The other, SCNF, benefited the most from funds received from the Nurses 5K to support scholarships. The President of an organization has to be there. It really isn't an option not to attend. Especially at first-time events like the Nurses 5K. Certainly, I wouldn't always have to be there in the years that followed, but not for the first one. For Palmetto Gold, I had to be there.

The Palmetto Gold Gala broke me out of my concerns about going to Columbia. The circumstances of the trip were quite similar to the trip on July 13, 2023, when we drove down then. I was going to be presenting something, and I drove down in my truck. Both concerns went off without a hitch, and Leslie and I had a wonderful evening celebrating others' achievements. 

Going to the Nurses 5K was now not a problem, and we decided to make a weekend trip out of it for the family to celebrate Charlie's 13th birthday, much like we celebrated Abby's birthday back in February at Wilderness at the Smokies. The problem now was simply participating in the 5K with Leslie. The reason that was a concern, the last time I had even walked with Leslie, I had heart issues on Labor Day.

September 2023 was the month that didn't seem to want to end, and the beginning of the month set the tone. On Labor Day, the first time I had ever been off for it while working or attending Clemson, I had a bad panic attack that I mistook for a heart attack. This type of issue not differentiating a heart attack from a panic attack is not uncommon amongst people with severe anxiety issues. There are a lot of similarities between the two. That day, Leslie was out walking with me, enjoying the beauty of the day as I tried to push the distance we walked and increase the time to do so. That was my downfall that day. I landed in the ER, embarrassed at the issue. Since then, I haven't felt completely comfortable walking with anyone, much less attempting to run. Running wasn't really an option.

So, for the Nurses 5K, I was doing both. I was going to walk the entire race with my wife, Leslie. Part of me even thought we might even run a little bit. But running worried me. Any type of running, no matter the pace, gets your heart rate up much more than walking. So, it was a concern, but I was willing to try if we did.

The day of the race was overcast, perfect weather for an early morning run/walk. We had almost 100 participants, and for a change, I went way towards the back because I knew I wasn't running. Once the race began, I felt great. The scenery as we walked the course was also amazing. We walked through some beautiful neighborhoods in Forest Acres in Columbia. Past the golf course, beside nice homes, rolling past the highways. It was nice to participate in a 5K again, even if I only walked. Then Leslie said, "Why don't we run a little bit?"

I knew that phrase was coming. I knew it before the race ever started. I also knew I had to try. So I replied, "Why don't we."

We ran during two stretches of the race. The first was a short section of uphill running on a back road with no one around. I felt fine. So, on the home stretch coming down the highway, we decided to run for the last half mile. I was nervous, but I did it anyway. It felt great to run again, however short the distance might be. We finished strong and crossed the finish line together. As we ran that final stretch, Leslie would gradually increase the pace. She was doing that to help me see I could still do what I had always done.

As I stood there catching my breath from that final half mile, I listened and felt my heart beating. The heart was, of course, beating faster but gradually slowed back to the expected pace. I felt great. I was running again. I had done it. I had run a 5K again.

So, naturally, we are planning to do another 5K. I just signed us up for the Electric City Gobbler in November 2024, a nice way to start the day before eating an enormous amount of Thanksgiving Dinner.

If I can just get my knees to stop bothering me, that's a completely different issue I've been dealing with for 14 years. I think that one is age combined with weight mostly.

But with the first Nurses 5K behind me, I can't wait for the next one. It was a monumental success filled with joy, happiness, togetherness, celebration, and love. I was so happy to be part of it and enjoy working with the people I am associated with in helping set up this amazing event. These events did so much to help me recover from what I endured last year, and I'll never forget that. We'll let you know when next year's event is all set. 

My next event, however, is the next A1c check-up on May 29, 2024. Stay tuned for the next segment, 10: May the A1c be with you. 

10: Heart Follow-Up

April 29, 2024, came a few days after a busy weekend. 

Leslie and I made the trip to Columbia, which was a deeper concern for me than I realized. This trip to Columbia for the Palmetto Gold Gala was my first time anywhere near the city since July 13, 2023. I was anxious about it. It didn't help that I had to speak as the South Carolina Nurses Foundation President in front of 750 attendees. This crowd was the largest I've ever spoken in front of before. A speech like this is anxiety-producing enough but add to it my past issues during the summer of 2023, that only made for greater concerns. On top of this, we decided to drive my truck down, which was the same vehicle we were in the day the Afib happened. It was a harmonic convergence to have all this come together the night of the gala, but that also seemed like the best thing that could have happened.

I drove down to the event without issue. I felt calm, for the most part, and did my speech well. It was a festive, lively evening full of fun and joy. There was no better way to break the cycle of my anxiety than an evening like that. I had returned to Columbia and came back without incident this time. That meant I was ready to have my heart checked out.

My appointment with the Cardiologist was at 8:50 AM that Monday morning, and our new refrigerator decided to show up at 8 AM that same morning. Nothing like stress on stress. I was already a little worried about the heart check-up, so why not add on our 20-year-old refrigerator dying and the new one arriving as early that morning as possible. I was in a mad dash, taking stuff out of the fridge and getting trash together before heading to the doctor. They got the new fridge in without issue, and I said, adios, then ran out the door.

I just arrived at the doctor at 8:50 and only had to wait a few minutes. But the whole time, I was calm. I was the calmest since last June when I came in for a 1-year check-up. I walked in and got my weight, sat down, let the assistant hook me up to the electrocardiogram (EKG), and had my vital signs taken.

My BP pressure was awesome, 123/86, with a heart rate 78. My weight was up to 219 lbs. On November 1, during that follow-up visit, my weight was 204 lbs. So, I had gained 15 lbs in 6 months. I didn't like that, but I have a reason that I believe is true. We'll get to that reason in a minute. After the EKG was finished, the assistant disconnected me, asked a few questions about my medications and other things, and then left the room. When the provider came in, everything was normal.

My EKG back in October showed Normal Sinus Rhythm but with still some mild ST depression. Now, to help you understand ST depression, it can have various causes. One cause is a blockage in the heart, which was ruled out for me. I had a perfusion test to see if blood flow in my heart was good, and everything came back normal. So, no blockage. Another reason is more psychological in nature. Anxiety, especially severe anxiety, can also cause ST depression and T wave inversion. I had both of these EKG changes back in September 2023. What this meant was I was suffering from severe anxiety as a result of the Afib. The anxiety was releasing cortisol and adrenaline and thus increasing my metabolism, too. I also started eating less. I began eating less to help with a potential blockage I thought I might have, so naturally, that made my weight go down. But, the anxiety was also making my weight drop.

Due to the fight or flight response that was in overdrive for me from the beginning of September through the end of December, I dropped weight rapidly. I spoke before about cool waves surging through me sometimes and almost minor panic attacks trying to happen if I didn't eat at certain intervals. All of that was anxiety-related. But until I had the all-clear on November 1, 2023, from the Cardiologist and came off the Eloquis, my anxiety wasn't letting up. Until we went to Jacksonville, my anxiety over going on trips wasn't letting up. Finally, until I stepped foot back in Columbia, SC again, my anxiety wasn't letting up completely.

But, finally, on Monday, April 29, 2024, I could say to my cardiologist, without any hesitation, I felt fine. After 9 and 1/2 months of a highly stressful situation unfolding that wasn't done until that day, I finally felt completely like myself again. I had begun to feel better almost immediately after returning from Jacksonville. Therefore, my metabolism wasn't on high alert anymore like it had been, and I was now only burning the sugar I consumed. That's why I had lower blood sugars a few times in January when I wasn't eating as much. I had to increase my food intake to help out. I had already been trending upward in weight about a month after the November visit. At my A1c visit on November 29, I weighed 205 lbs. On February 1, I weighed in at 210 for my kidney follow-up. So, it's no surprise my weight continued upwards because I was finally feeling good again. I was back at the weight I had been before the Afib hit in July.

With my EKG being normal, my blood pressure being normal, no Afib being present on the loop monitor for the whole 6 months, and everything looking and sounding good, my provider told me to come back in 1 year to reassess. That was a relief. It was truly a blessing to know my heart was essentially back to normal after all that happened that day.

But next up would be the bigger check-up--my next A1c on May 29. So, my goal is to lose some weight between now and then, but based on my blood sugar readings for the last few months, everything feels on par with what I usually do. So, I'm hopeful there is no upward trend. We shall see with that check-up in a month.

For now, it felt like smooth sailing, so much so that my wife and I decided to do something together we hadn't done in a while. We're doing a 5K again, this time in Columbia.

Tune in next time for 10: Nurse's 5K.

10: The Days Ahead

One of Leslie's 4 cakes she got for her birthday says it all for the days ahead for me.

The days ahead in May will tell how my health is doing lately. I've been feeling much better than I did by the end of 2023, but any time you have to go to the doctor, you wonder what will come up.

I have a few things I have to overcome.

For one, Columbia, South Carolina. I last was there on July 13, 2023, when I had Afib. Although I'm over the travel aspects of what occurred that day with COVID and Afib after going to Jacksonville in December, I haven't been to Columbia, even in the vicinity, since July 2023. So, of course, from April 27 until June 22, 2024, I'll have to go to or through Columbia 3 times. Leslie and I will attend the Palmetto Gold Gala in Columbia on Saturday, April 27. Then, my family and I will attend the Nurse's 5K inaugural event on Saturday, May 18, and spend the weekend in Columbia. Finally, we'll pass through Columbia twice on our way to the beach in June as we head to Surfside for a family vacation.

Those will be some big milestones to overcome since the last time I was there was a hospital visit. But I have faith it will all go well. I'm all in on that.

But in addition to overcoming fears, I'll have two big doctor visits.

On April 29, I go for a heart check-up with my Cardiologist, the 6-month appointment to see how things have progressed since November. I'll go for my A1c check-up and another 6-month re-evaluation at the end of May. In both cases, I had good reports in November, with my heart having no blockages and no further Afib, coming off of Eloquis, and then my A1c was the lowest I have had since March 31, 2021, at 5.5. Those results were huge for both my physical and mental well-being. So, naturally, I have mixed emotions about what is to come for the 6-month checkups.

I hope my heart is fine and my A1c remains at the 5.6 level or lower. During these 6 months, though, I've seen my weight increase. I was 204 lbs and 205 lbs at each visit in November. Currently, I sit at 215 lbs. That's not a huge weight increase but concerns my diet and how well I have managed.

Of course, back in January, I had some issues with lower blood sugars, which was a concern. Since then, I've been prone to eating more because I don't want my sugars to be too low again. However, there may also be another factor in weight gain.

During the fall, I was extremely stressed because of my heart. My anxiety was the highest I have ever experienced in my life. This extra stress undoubtedly contributed to some of my weight loss. I actually had to slow my weight loss down to prevent going too low, as I also altered my diet. My anxiety never resolved until I increased my Lexapro and made the trip to Jacksonville. I was incredibly nervous about going on any trip then. But, following the trip, I was back at ease. I felt like myself again, and I was happy. So, now, with the Lexapro firmly in my system and feeling much better, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that my weight has gone back up. I've also eaten a little more than before November, which has contributed. I'm sure my provider will want to check to see if my thyroid could be acting up. Anything is possible.

But since January, I have felt much better, calm, at ease, and peaceful. Stress always abounds, and I let the ploy get to me some, but I also realized it. My blood sugars have also been fine since January too. Here are my entries since the beginning of February:

2/7/2024-82

2/10/2024-72

2/14/2024-101

2/17/2024-100

2/21/2024-94

2/24/2024-96

2/28/2024-93

3/2/2024-95

3/7/2024-99

3/9/2024-84

3/13/2024-88

3/16/2024-88

3/20/2024-115

3/22/2024-99

3/23/2024-90

3/26/2024-110

3/27/2024-99

3/30/2024-92

4/3/2024-100

4/6/2024-95

4/11/2024-89

4/13/2024-90

4/17/2024-90

4/20-2024-100

My blood sugar average since February 7 has been 94, hopefully translating into a solid A1c in May. My blood sugar average from August through November was 90, translating to a 5.5 A1c. Before that, my blood sugar average was 88.6, with an A1c of 5.6. Putting in perspective, the last time my A1c was 5.8 in November 2022, my blood sugar average was 91.1. However, when my A1c was 5.6 in May 2022, my average blood sugar for 3 months was 93.7.

Average blood sugar doesn't predict anything, other than that my A1c will most likely be 5.something, but will it be over 5.6, the same, or below again?

That's the question we'll have to wait and see. For now, I want to lose some weight, keep exercising, and enjoy the next few weeks leading up to the check-ups. 

I'll let you know how these turn out in the next segment of 10: Heart Follow-Up.

10: The Ploy

The schemes of the devil can be interesting.

Have you ever been tempted by anything? Usually, when temptation comes, it's in the form of something you really want. Other times, temptations can be things welling up inside you that you let guide you astray. 

A good rule of thumb is that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

I've often heard people speak about the Internet being the tool of the devil. Well, that is true, but it's also true that you get out of anything from whatever you put into it.

That means if you're constantly seeing things luring you into stuff you probably shouldn't be doing, it's generally because you accept it and look for it. For instance, porn sites don't seek people out, you seek them. 

Loan assistance companies don't send people letters at random. Those letters are generated because the companies can access our records and see how much debt we have, thus making it our individual fault when those letters are received. 

No one makes you mad. You make yourself mad. Think about that last one the next time someone brings up politics, vaccines, or anything that triggers an angry feeling inside you. Were you really mad at them or at you?

I would tend to believe that 99.9% of the time, the devil's schemes work on us because we let it. That's because the devil is scheming 0.1% of the time. That's really all it takes to do us in. A fleeting thought. A word in a message. The look someone gives you, good or bad. When those things occur, the devil latches on to it and entices us to act. Movies make it seem like the devil acts grandiosely to torment and attack us, whether it is The Exorcist, The Devil's Advocate, or The Omen. But these are Disney World Theme Park attractions, meant only for entertainment. The devil doesn't actually work like that.

All you need to do is go back and read the story of Adam and Eve to see how the devil truly works. He took one phrase, spoken by God, and twisted it around to tempt Eve into doing something she knew was wrong. That's it. It's that simple.

One thing Satan, Lucifer, and the devil hate is people accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior.

"Hell lost another one. I am free. I am free. I am free." That's a favorite lyric of mine from the song I Thank God by Maverick City Music & Upperroom. The song explains why salvation is so important. It changes us for good. In the end, Hell no longer has a hold on us. Therefore, the devil no longer has a hold on us. But can he still attack, misdirect, and torment in his subtle ways and devices? Absolutely! That is all the devil has left once you're saved by Christ.

For that reason, the weeks following the baptism of my family saw more tormenting than any time leading up to that weekend. Confusion, missteps, doubt, all of these feelings and emotions crept in, trying to undo things God had put into place for me and my family. If for no other reason than to disrupt and detract from meaningful and purposeful things to God. 

The weekend of the baptism saw everyone in my family having sinus and upper respiratory issues leading up to that precious moment. Except for me. Of course, the thought went through my mind. Do we need to wait for this? Let everyone get well first? Well, that seems like a logical thing to do. If people aren't feeling well, maybe postponing it isn't a bad idea. However, you must believe that what God provides will work out as God intends. What if putting off the baptism had caused another issue, opening the door for a larger problem? Perhaps putting off the baptism might have led to more doubt and ultimately deciding not to do it.

We got through baptism without issue. But it has been quite interesting since the baptism. Now that Satan cannot have us, he can stir things up. That's all he has left. In the weeks following the baptism, many things started unraveling at home, work, and even some for the kids in school. Nothing major, but enough to be aggravating for us all. These attacks came in the form of texts that hit the wrong way. Issues with our dogs. Both vehicles needing maintenance at the same time. Internet issues, especially when looking into things related to Christ. Weight changes related to dieting that irritated more than anything. Finding out that one of our children may need surgery. It is nothing overly serious, but it is still a concern. Any and everything to distract from the one thing Satan, the devil, cannot stand--joy.

Once you know you are in Christ, and in our case as an entire family now, there is no greater joy. Satan HATES that. All you can do when Satan makes those attacks is pray to Jesus to intervene, and He will. Don't let things, however big or small, steal your joy in Christ.

Now, it is time to work through the needed changes to improve the days ahead, especially leading up to the next A1c check in May. Stay tuned for the next installment of 10: The Days Ahead.

10: The Baptism

 

For many years now, our family has been baptized. But for Leslie and I, we wanted to let our children make their own decisions about their faith in Christ. Like our children, Leslie was baptized as a baby in the Methodist Church. In the Methodist Church, you don't do baptism by immersion in water but through being sprinkled instead. It's a simpler process of being baptized in Christ than dunking in a tank. This method of baptism, being sprinkled, was what I had done when I was 12 years old and first accepted Christ as my savior.

At that time, I truly believed I was saved and saw a change in my life, mindset, and faith, even as a teenager. That next year, I went through confirmation classes to learn more about why Christ died for us, the resurrection, and how you live through Christ. Leslie attended confirmation classes around the same age to confirm her faith in Christ.

But neither of our children had ever considered salvation on their own. We knew they understood who Christ was, but had they truly ever been saved or accepted Christ as their savior? Having them baptized as infants was a wonderful experience for Leslie and me, but neither of our children remembered what happened. I always knew the discussion of salvation would come up again as the kids got older.

Finally, in 2023, that discussion began. We had switched churches and essentially began anew at  NewSpring. It had been an interesting road getting to this point. For many years, we were against NewSpring, largely because of jealousy. NewSpring had grown by leaps and bounds and was bringing new people to Christ every day, it seemed. Despite any turmoil that had ever occurred there, a presence drew people to that church. God was that presence.

In recent years, Leslie and I had been considering leaving Trinity, especially after my time playing Jesus ended with the Journey to the Resurrection in 2019. We both felt it was time to try something new. But complacency set in, and we attended church sporadically for the next year. Then COVID hit. Because of that, I didn't feel safe going anywhere for two years. We had heard horror stories of entire congregations being COVID from going to church during the pandemic. So, we spent much time watching church online, but it was still mostly Trinity. Finally, in March 2022, two years after the pandemic began, we returned to Trinity in person. The first sermon played one of my favorite songs, Shout to the Lord. I had tears in my eyes because not only was it two years later that we returned in person to church but also a year anniversary since my A1c issues had begun. I was also nearing completion of my dissertation, so a lot culminated in 2022.

However, once the dissertation was done and COVID didn't seem like a large issue, I started feeling this tug at my heart that it was time to move on. The pandemic has provided an opportunity to look elsewhere for a new church family, as the messages no longer resonated with me. My faith hadn't wavered. We felt we needed to go someplace new, especially for our kids. Trinity had good programs, but changes were happening there, and my kids were just beginning to ask questions. We also learned that Fuse at NewSpring has opportunities for children with special needs. With Abby having special needs, Leslie and I felt we should give NewSpring a chance.

We went to NewSpring initially out of convenience since it's only 5 minutes from our house, as opposed to nearly 20 minutes for Trinity. Plus, Leslie told me she always wanted to try it out. So, we went.

I still remember that first time in November 2022. Just walking in made me feel like I was attending a conference. Then, entering the main service auditorium was like entering a large movie theater. We sat near the middle to the back, and I took some pictures. I couldn't help but think I was doing something wrong being there initially. Even posting about it seemed risky. But that was just my baggage. Being at NewSpring was something worthwhile to try. We saw a bunch of people we knew there the first day. Many from our old church. Then the music started playing. You can feel the bass run all through you when the songs play. It really is like being at a concert. Then, the sermon began. I listened intently to what was being said and decided to do something I hadn't done at Trinity. I took notes.

I remember watching that first sermon. The pastor was Dan Lian, who had a lunchbox out for part of it, doing the talking lunch box thing. I remember hearing Abby laugh out loud during it. That warmed my heart because she was paying attention. Then, on my notes, this is what I recorded:

11-20-2022

Supernatural Overflow

Invited

Surrender

Talk out of by stuff

Obey your way

Now, what does all that mean? Honestly, I can't remember, as looking back, I thought I had taken more detailed notes than this. Admittedly, my notes since have become more robust and informative. But supernatural overflow means overflowing in the abundance of things God provides you. You surrender yourself to God's ways, and He provides. I understood the messages that day, and it was a first step toward where it would lead me and my family.

In the months that followed, we hardly ever missed a sermon. In fact, in the year and a half, we have been attending NewSpring, there have only been a few times we didn't attend or watch online, and that was to be at the family members' baptisms at their respective churches. There were several weekends when I had tears in my eyes during the services at NewSpring. My mom told me that was the holy spirit working within me.

As I've mentioned before, I had a lot of bitterness and angst in me during 2023. The culmination of that issue came about in the form of COVID and Afib. But I saw the light, and it was time to make a change for the better in my and my family's life. 

So, after a year of attending NewSpring, we started attending Connect classes to learn more about the church and how to become more involved. After those wonderful classes, my children started attending Fuse on Wednesday nights. I still remember them fussing about going. Now, they fuss if they don't go. One night in December, Leslie and I learned that Abby had raised her hand at Fuse to give her life to Christ. A few weeks later, Charlie did the same thing. Now was the time to reaffirm our faith in Christ, and I could think of no better way than to do it together at NewSpring.

Being up there that day and getting baptized as a family was the greatest gift I could ever receive. We had our family there and had been establishing a connection with those in the congregation through Fuse and service to NewSpring. We were home, where we needed to be, and had the blessing of showing our love for Christ as one.

But as with all great moments that bring you closer to God, Satan does his best to start trying to tear it apart. But there's a big difference between trying and succeeding. Read the next segment, 10: The Ploy.