10: It's Time

Have you ever just marveled at the beauty of a morning day. When the sun rises, you begin your trek throughout the day to parts and areas unknown or common to serve the greater good as best you can.

The early morning hours are humbling and surreal, particularly on a beautiful day. To me, it's a time when you can feel the presence of God the most, just as you begin to wake up. It's at this moment that sometimes you can hear God speak.

Have you ever thought you heard God speak directly to you?

Now, we all have those moments where scriptures or passages come to mind that feel a calling tugging at our soul to notice what God wants us to see or believe. But have you ever heard the voice?

This is not the voice of a mental health concern but a time when you feel like an audible voice can be heard, particularly in the waking hours of the day. I've outlined a series of dreams that happened to me from 2019-2021, along with a "hug from behind" that happened in between where I felt like God was trying to tell me something. Ultimately, the dreams made sense, leading to concerns over my health and hyperglycemia, resulting in an A1c of 10. Those dreams and sensations helped me cope with the changes to my body and realize that I could succeed as God tried to help me in any way possible.

But in July 2023, this new issue with Afib threw me for a loop. 

When I woke up on July 14, having only gotten probably 4 hours of sleep during the night in the hospital, I was happy my heart was beating normally again. It had been a stressful, arduous day prior, but now things were more peaceful, and I was soon discharged.

I went to my cardiologist the next week to discuss what had occurred. They were now going to put a monitor on me to assess if the Afib might reoccur and determine if any other issues arose. COVID was very much still in my system and wreaking havoc. That first week with the monitor had one moment where my heart rate accelerated to 130 and dropped back to 60 before normalizing. It was a scary moment and made me think Afib was returning, but Cardizem controlled it. After that, I was beginning to get back into walking briskly and starting to feel more like myself again.

After 2 weeks of wearing the monitor, Afib was absent. I did have a bought of my heart staying elevated one night following a rather obnoxious hamburger I ate. I never should have eaten it, but you live and learn. But after that day, I felt much better and progressed to the point that things were normalizing again.

That's when I woke up one night, early in the morning and heard a voice say something.

"It's time."

It sounded like I heard it twice. The only thing I could attribute it to was Christ, God Himself.

When I went to church that Sunday, the lesson was about being Sent. The message was that God wants to reach your world. Part of the message lessons said that the Holy Spirit is talking to you. The Holy Spirit speaks to His people. The Holy Spirit is talking to others. Today's obedience leads to tomorrow's blessings. 

You have to rise and go.

This lesson taught me that blessings were coming for me, but I had to obey. I need to follow whatever Christ was leading me through. This issue with Afib was not as profound as the A1c of 10 had been. It was a season, but it opened my eyes to what I needed to focus on, helping others reach the ultimate goal. The goal of Christ.

I was excited about what this possibility could mean. But I was also anxious about it. The problem was my mindset. I had convinced myself that things would go how I wanted when I returned to the cardiologist. Things had been going well, and I was feeling better, but I was not completely healed. Being sent, in this case, started with my own obedience. I needed to make some changes if I wanted things to be different. You see, my mindset shifted to what I believed I could do alone. I had become a bit fixated on what I could do and not enough on what Christ was doing. Good things were waiting for me, but I had to obey to see them truly come to fruition.

That made the next week so hard as I realized that what I wanted about this Afib issue would not resolve quite as easily as I envisioned. It would mess with my mind and trigger things I didn't believe were possible. But even as a nurse, I should have known it could happen. The next week created an anxiety issue I hadn't anticipated, and soon, I was dealing with a lot more than just a physical condition.

High blood sugar became secondary to a racing heart, but it was still the primary goal to control it. But if I wanted to control it again, I had to listen to Christ and return to where He wanted me to be.

Stay tuned for the next installment, 10: Climbing Ladders.