10: Wake Me Up When September Ends, Part 2

Anxiety is a very real thing. Not the kind you get every day about things you have to do. Stress is important to wake you up in the morning and help motivate you to do what you need to: go to work, mow the lawn, attend school, whatever the case.

But as stresses mount up, they push the limits our minds can handle and create authentic anxiety. Your mind races around with thoughts it can't seem to fully handle or comprehend. Emotions can be out of check and out of place. That's when physical responses can occur.

After Labor Day, my anxiety started mounting. Much of the anxiousness stemmed from having to get the loop monitor inserted. For one, it's a minor surgical procedure to have one inserted, so this would be the first such of my life. Second, I was still gravely concerned about the Afib. For all intents and purposes, by early September, I hadn't had another episode of Afib. The meds controlled things, and I was in good shape from that perspective. But the fear of Afib reoccurring, especially after what had occurred on Labor Day, was palpable.

Because of that fear and anxiety mounting, I sometimes began to have physical symptoms. Particularly gastrointestinal symptoms. I felt like I was going to the bathroom a lot for that two-week period leading up to the procedure for the loop monitor. I also did something else that was very anxiety-producing in looking up things on the internet.

When you have concerns of any kind, you should never look anything up on the internet, including articles. Everything will scare you to death. I was convincing myself my heart was failing. What was it doing to my kidneys? I started watching my weight, worried about it going up. I saw foods you should avoid because of Afib. I even got concerned about going to locations of higher elevations.

I read an article about Kinley Jansen, a former Atlanta Braves closer, who has had to work through Afib throughout his pitching career. You can see the story here. This story should have offered hope about overcoming an obstacle and still doing the things you want in life, as Jansen developed Afib at a very young age. Instead, I focused on the one time he had to stay back from a series in Colorado because Afib put him at greater risk of developing a blood clot due to the Afib and thinner air. So, naturally, I began looking up elevations of places I frequented. It was a little ridiculous.

However, if you are curious, it was interesting to learn that Clemson, SC, is a lower elevation than Anderson, SC. Greenville is the highest elevation in the upstate of the big 3: Anderson, Greenville, and Spartanburg. Atlanta is slightly above a 1000-foot elevation, which is just above Anderson, where I live. Of course, the beaches are all at sea level or slightly above, and Pigeon Forge, where my family likes to go a lot, is around 1000 feet. None of this matters, though.

When I developed Afib, I was in Columbia, SC, right on the outskirts, which is hundreds of feet lower than my hometown. But the more important thing, in the case of Jansen, and the real reason he couldn't go to Colorado for that series, he was in Afib at the time. When you are controlling the Afib, meaning it is not present, there are no issues. There are no restrictions.

I was failing to see those things and doing one thing: I was letting the Afib control me.

During the week before the loop monitor insertion, I talked with a colleague who helped me realize this perspective. They were very helpful in getting me to see how this issue affected me. Even as I spoke to them, my eyes began to tear up because I knew they were right. They weren't the only one who helped me see how this episode's anxiety and fear was becoming crippling. Other colleagues, my mother, and my wife were all concerned that I was succumbing more to the anxiety and fear than the actual issue that had occurred. When I sometimes sat at home alone or even in church listening to sermons or songs, I wanted to cry and did so several times. I was calling my mom routinely to talk to her about these issues. I was a hot mess.

What wasn't a mess, however, were my blood sugars. During this month, I started altering my diet to help with some of the issues. I cut out ice cream and reduced sweets to practically none. I even started trying to eat more chicken and vegetables. I started eating more salads and began doing a diet similar to what I had been on when I first began losing weight, with an A1c of 10 in April 2021. My blood sugars for the entire month of September ranged from 70-90, with only one above 100, and that came down pretty quickly to the 80s that day. My sugars were doing just fine. So, that was a plus.

Finally, the day came for the loop monitor insertion. I was so nervous that morning. When I entered the holding area, my blood pressure was 148/98, and my pulse was 96. As I was going back for the procedure, one of the nurses was a former colleague of mine when I worked in the hospital. That was a reassuring feeling to have someone I knew back there. Since the insertion is considered a surgical procedure, I was taken to the OR suite and draped in surgical attire. They put oxygen on me and then laid a semi-transparent cloth over my face where only light could be seen above. That was unnerving. This situation did nothing to lower my blood pressure, which was 140s/100s by then. Finally, the moment came to insert the monitor. I was not under sedation, so I felt everything. With a momentary pinch and bam, the monitor was inserted. I heard the doctor say that we were done. After that, I said, "That's it?" Instantly, my anxiety about this procedure fell. My nurse colleague said I handled the procedure well for a nurse because sometimes nurses can be rough patients.

When I returned to the holding area, my blood pressure before I left was 134/86, with a heart rate in the 70s. See how much anxiety was playing a factor here? That was not horrible anxiety, mind you, but my anxiety in general was up, and in no time, the procedure was over, and my day went on. I felt so much better after that. Each day that followed, I could tell my anxiety was easing off, and I was adapting to the new monitor being in place. Things were heading in the right direction.

That's usually when something derails things, even if for a moment. That's exactly what happened the very next week, thanks to my stomach and blood pressure.

Tune in for the final entry of this segment, 10: Wake Me Up When September Ends, Part 3.