10: Count Your Blessings

 

It's been a little bit since I mentioned having dreams. The last time I had a wakeful moment discerning a voice was in August 2023 with the "It's time" statement. By October, though, it was more of a dream.

The vivid dreams stopped in March 2021, but this one was different. It was a vivid voice inside the dream, making me aware of something important.

One night in October, as I lay comfortably in bed, I heard a voice talking to me directly about my situation. There was no question I was still highly anxious about the Afib since July. I was set to meet with my Primary Care Provider about things I could do for stress and would soon have the stress test and echo completed, but that was still over a week away when the dream occurred.

The voice sounded like a man's but said something that I had heard my mother try to tell me multiple times during the previous three months.

"The medications are helping your heart. Count your blessings."

After hearing this statement, I woke up immediately. I had this amazing sense of peace when I woke up like I hadn't felt in previous weeks or months. It was revitalizing. Count your blessings. That's the best phrase that could have happened during this time. But also suggesting my medications were helping was a huge piece, too. I had believed the medications were helping, but I kept worrying, what if they don't anymore? Those negative thoughts can be so pervasive. Nothing indicated that the medications were not working or wouldn't continue to work at that point in time. My heart was being regulated. The meds were also helping my blood pressure, and I didn't have to take Hydralazine anymore. On this day, my anxiety plummeted and carried me on through the remainder of that week.

Count your blessings. That one phrase helped to reshape my mindset even more. Ever since that day, if negative thoughts crept in, I would remind myself to count my blessings. That's one phrase I'll keep doing from now until the end of time. Scripture has something to say about counting your blessings.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work"-2 Corinthians 9:8

My mom had tried to help me see this verse and other things for years leading up to that day. I would come home and complain about things quite a bit. I would get so angry about things, many of which were out of my control. I would worry about things that the added stress did no good. In fact, I was convinced my stress leading up to July 13 contributed to the Afib as much as Covid. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't let things go. My anxiety was beyond belief, even before Afib, and I feel it is no surprise that a physical problem manifested.

I had Covid before, after all, and did not get Afib. My stress was significantly worse by July 2023.

My mom's favorite way to remind me to count my blessings was a song she learned when she was younger:

Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your blessings, see what God hath done;

Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

See the rest of the lyrics here.

That's the best song in the whole wide world. God has blessed me immeasurably, which is why I used the image in this post today. My greatest blessing is my family and the happiness we share. I can never forget that and will never forget that.

After this day, my spirits were high, and I felt confident about the upcoming tests and visits. I felt I would be okay, but as you can imagine, my anxiety still was trying to creep in from time to time. That's when I visited my Primary Care Provider and shared with her some of the things I felt were contributing to my concerns. They let me know the root cause of my concerns.

Tune in for the next segment, 10: PTSD.