10: PTSD

 

Credit for photo: vecteezy

The ghosts of past trauma, in the middle of Spooky Season, in October. Appropriate somehow.

When you think of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), what comes to mind? For me, I think of military personnel whose nervous system has been pushed beyond the limit it can take, where they relive the agony of battle. Many military personnel for generations have experienced this under different names. George Carlin once referred to it as shell shock. Carlin brought this up during a comedy skit in a more serious tone, talking about the softness of language and how the more political terminology seemed to diminish the conditions military service personnel sometimes experienced.

But in today's world, because of people like Carlin and other political activists calling attention to PTSD more, the condition is taken more seriously, especially after the film American Sniper. The film showed the effects of PTSD on Chris Kyle, played by Bradley Cooper. The point was not only to show what happened in his life, ultimately leading to his untimely death but also to show how serious PTSD can be and how it goes well beyond even military personnel.

PTSD is a condition that can happen to anyone, and in a mild way, it happened to me.

I didn't expect to hear those letters when I met with my primary care provider in mid-October. Mainly because I was deluding myself. The day before my appointment, I considered canceling it because I thought I would be fine without talking about it. But I was wrong. During a walk that afternoon, I could feel the tension building up in my chest. Eventually, I felt like my heart jumped in my chest, which scared me. I went inside and reported the symptoms on my monitor, but when the cardiologist called me back, they said my heart rate was normal sinus rhythm. There was no issue. I was freaking out again, although this time, I was handling better.

That was when I knew I needed to talk to someone. I was going to continue upsetting myself day after day and week after week until I wouldn't be able to function if I didn't try something. So, the day before my stress test and echocardiogram, I went to my provider.

During the visit, the tears flowed. Crying is a good thing for you healthwise. It releases that tension and helps you to begin to cope with the truth of situations happening. Right from the start of the conversation, my provider said I had a mild form of PTSD because I just kept reliving the experience of July 13. My stress would increase dramatically if my heart did anything I deemed unusual. This happened with a full-blown panic attack on Labor Day. High anxiety was present leading up to the loop monitor insertion. My blood pressure going up in late September freaked me out again, with another panic attack. PTSD can actually cause a type of panic attack all its own. It can occur from flashbacks like a military service person might experience, but emotions and memories can all contribute to causing one as well. Despite not having any Afib for months, the memories of that day haunted me, and it was a traumatic event that made us change everything we were doing that day and beyond.

When she said that, I broke down more about everything that had been bothering me since before Covid caused the Afib. My stress had been through the roof for the six months prior, worrying bout finances, things at work, and how things were going with my family, particularly with my daughter Abby. We argued a lot over the years. Even more, since she turned 10 years old. I hated myself for allowing those interactions to happen, and I wanted to do something to try and help myself and my family. I needed to do something because all the Afib had done was reveal how strong my anxiety truly was at that point.

For that reason, my provider started me on Lexapro, a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). SSRIs generally are used for depression and anxiety. I knew if my anxiety kept going unchecked without anything, it would ultimately lead to depression. I wasn't there yet, but it was going that way. I knew it was, and I accepted it. I would try anything to help me feel more like me again. But it went beyond just an SSRI.

I was already starting to adapt my mindset before the visit. Changes in behavior are essential, not just medication. The medication helps, but you have to adjust your body and mind to what is happening to you. Just like I had with my diet and exercise when I learned about the A1c of 10. In fact, I had lost about 5 pounds the day I went to see my provider since making changes to my diet in September to try and help myself. That was a very good thing to do for me and my mindset, too. There's never anything wrong with helping yourself and doing self-care. Now, I would spend weeks trying to regulate myself a bit better. But on this day, I had to think about only one thing: the upcoming stress test and echo. They would be the following day, and my anxiety was high because I was so nervous about what the results might be.

Tune in next time for the next segment, 10: Stress and Echo.